


You Give Me Fever

by SlantedKnitting



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Alcohol, Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Rock Band, Cigarettes, F/F, Forbidden Love, Friends to Lovers, Genderqueer Character, M/M, Marijuana, Modern Era, Mutual Pining, Nonbinary Character, Rock Stars
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-24
Updated: 2021-01-24
Packaged: 2021-03-16 13:28:03
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 51,725
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28957173
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SlantedKnitting/pseuds/SlantedKnitting
Summary: Arthur is a history teacher who just wants to live his life in peace. Morgana is the frontwoman of a successful band, and she bursts back into Arthur’s life after a two-year estrangement. As Arthur wades cautiously back into his sister’s life, he meets the band’s new drummer, Merlin. Merlin is charming and clever and, per Morgana’s decree, off limits to Arthur. Now Arthur has to decide if he wants to appease his sister or go after what (who) he really wants.
Relationships: Gwen/Morgana (Merlin), Merlin/Arthur Pendragon (Merlin)
Comments: 32
Kudos: 127
Collections: Finish that Fic Merlin!





	You Give Me Fever

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [A Little Edgier](https://archiveofourown.org/works/2655485) by [alby_mangroves](https://archiveofourown.org/users/alby_mangroves/pseuds/alby_mangroves), [SlantedKnitting](https://archiveofourown.org/users/SlantedKnitting/pseuds/SlantedKnitting). 



> I started writing this in 2013 for that year’s Paper Legends big bang. I sat on about 35k of this fic for years, always dreaming of finishing it, and for some reason this year was the year I finally got my act together enough to get back to it. A few thank-yous:
> 
> 1) Thank you to the anon who left this prompt on KMM way back in the day: <https://kinkme-merlin.livejournal.com/32553.html?thread=33944617#t33944617>
> 
> 2) Thank you to ji-ang ([https://ji-ang.tumblr.com](https://ji-ang.tumblr.com/)) for always being willing to beta my nonsense. I’ve had the pleasure of getting to know her better over the past few months through discord and can confidently say she is leagues smarter than I am, and I’m so lucky to be able to work with her. Thank you for always making my writing better <3
> 
> 3) Also thanks to maz ([https://thismaz.livejournal.com](https://thismaz.livejournal.com/)) who beta’d for me back when this was a WIP in 2013! The early days of this fic were a disaster, but maz supported me through it and made sure the fic didn’t reflect my inner chaos.
> 
> 4) Thank you to alby_mangroves for the beautiful, inspiring art! We paired up back in 2013 and I totally bailed, but alby had already made a piece (<https://archiveofourown.org/works/2655485>), and she was kind enough to let me embed it in the fic below. I hope you all enjoy it as much as I do, it brings me enormous pleasure.
> 
>  **Content Notes/Tag Clarifications** :  
> \- Morgana/Morgause is a previous pairing in this fic, but they are NOT related in this verse.  
> \- One minor character is an alcoholic  
> \- There is one scene where two of the characters smoke pot

Arthur didn’t check his mobile until after the last of his students had cleared out of his classroom for the afternoon, all their questions about their first assignment after half-term finally answered. He almost never looked at his mobile during the working day, mostly because the majority of his close friends were also teachers and were unlikely to be sending him texts during their classes.

The last time he’d received a text during school hours had been two months ago, from someone he’d been trying to date at the beginning of the term. The man had shown a disinterest in anything Arthur had to say unrelated to the bedroom, so Arthur had stopped responding after a week or two.

When he finally looked, there were two unread texts on his mobile. Assuming they were both from his friend and co-worker Gwen, Arthur shoved a stack of papers he hadn’t yet marked into his bag and slung it over his shoulder before abandoning his classroom for the weekend.

Making his way towards Gwen’s room, he opened up the messages.

**From: Gwen  
Leon can’t make it tonight—do you still want to go?**

Frowning, Arthur went to the next text, expecting an explanation from Leon about why he was backing out of their fortnightly Friday pub tradition.

**From: Morgana  
Will you come to my show tonight?**

Arthur stopped in his tracks, staring blankly at his mobile. He hadn’t heard from his sister in almost two years, and now she was just casually inviting him out. The last time they’d seen each other had been a shouting match, and neither had made any attempt to contact the other since.

“Are you lost?”

Arthur looked up to see Gwen walking towards him, already set to leave.

“Yeah. I mean, no. Just… one second.” He typed out a response quickly, all his long-buried rage bubbling to the surface at Morgana’s haphazard attempt at reconciliation.

**_To: Morgana  
Is this a joke?_ **

When he looked back up, Gwen was watching him with concern.

“Ready?” He turned around and headed for the entrance without waiting for an answer.

“Are you all right?” Gwen asked when she’d caught him up.

“Fine,” Arthur said shortly. He didn’t want to let it affect him, but all the horrible angry things he and Morgana had screamed at each other were echoing in his ears. He’d called her irresponsible and uncaring. She’d accused him of being spineless.

“No, you’re not.”

“Gwen—”

“Arthur.” She said it with such force that he almost stopped walking. Gwen could be downright intimidating when she wanted to, but she usually saved that for her students. “You look like you’ve just seen the ghost that murdered your whole family.”

Arthur sped up again, keeping his head down and ignoring the way Gwen’s bags slammed into him as she tried to keep up with his pace.

“Did something—”

“I’m fine,” Arthur said firmly, pushing open the front doors and taking a deep breath of the cool November air. It calmed him, but only slightly. He could feel Gwen’s eyes burning a hole through the back of his head, and he was acutely aware of the row of windows to his right. They belonged to the administrative offices, which included his father’s office.

“You’re impossible,” Gwen complained.

Arthur hoped that she would drop it and leave him to stew in his old hurt in private, but she followed him to his car and watched him fling his bag into the backseat.

“So, do you want to talk about plans for tonight, or are you too busy acting like one of our hormonal students?”

Arthur ran a hand over his face. He wasn’t ready to explain all of this to Gwen. Instead of answering, he pulled out his mobile and saw a new text.

**From: Morgana  
Please. I miss you and I want to see you.**

Arthur read over the text a few times and felt all the fight drain out of him. He had never figured out how to say no to his sister.

“What’s going on?”

Gwen sounded so genuinely worried that Arthur forced himself to meet her gaze. “I got a text from my sister.”

Gwen’s expression morphed from concern into confusion and then into indignation. “You have a sister?”

“Yes,” Arthur admitted. “It’s a very long story. Um… do you want to come to a show tonight?”

“A show,” Gwen repeated. “Arthur, no. I’m not going anywhere until you explain the last five minutes to me.”

Arthur nodded, feeling that was fair. He nodded towards his car. “Come to mine? I’ll make tea.”

Gwen looked unconvinced but walked around the car and slid into the passenger seat. Surprisingly, she refrained from asking questions until they were settled at Arthur’s kitchen table with the kettle on and a plate of chocolate digestives sitting between them.

“So,” she said when Arthur refused to start the conversation. “You have a sister.”

“Yes.”

Gwen glared, and Arthur knew he was being childish, but he couldn’t help himself. He’d avoided sharing this part of his life with Gwen for so long that there was no way the conversation would go well.

“And her name is…?”

He rubbed his eyes and got up to find tea bags and mugs. “Her name is Morgana. She’s my half-sister, but we were raised together, and we… well, we used to be close. We had a bit of a row, and I haven’t heard from her in nearly two years, which is why I’ve never mentioned her before.”

“A _bit_ of a row? It must have—wait. I’ve known you for just over two years. You could have mentioned her before the row.”

Arthur shrugged and watched the kettle for a while. It felt like it took an hour for it to click off, but eventually it did. He poured the steaming water into their mugs and went to the fridge for milk. As he did so, he realised he needed something stronger.

“Do you want a beer?”

Gwen shook her head, so Arthur only pulled out a bottle for himself.

“Is that all you’re going to tell me about her?” she asked when he sat back down at the table.

“For now.”

“You are the most annoyingly secretive person. If you and Uther didn’t share the same last time, I don’t think I ever would have known you were related.”

Arthur took a few sips of his beer before answering. “My family is complicated.”

“Everyone’s family is complicated,” Gwen said dismissively. “But obviously you’re insisting on brooding in solitude, so I guess we can move on for now. What show are you going to?”

Arthur took a deep breath and tried to look up at Gwen, but he only managed to lift his gaze to her neck. “Ben and the Franklins.”

Gwen coughed and slammed her mug down, tea sloshing onto the table.

“What?” she asked, her voice hoarse as she continued coughing.

“Please don’t choke on your tea,” Arthur said weakly.

Gwen’s eyes narrowed as she composed herself. “You don’t even like them, why are you going to their show? And what show? They haven’t done any shows since they announced they were getting back together.”

“It’s—” Arthur’s mobile vibrated in his pocket, and he cut himself off to check the text.

**From: Morgana  
Should I be taking your silence as a no?**

Arthur set his mobile on the table and looked up at Gwen’s impatient expression. “So, Morgana. She… well. She might be in the band.”

“Your sister might—might—be _in_ Ben and the Franklins?” Gwen asked angrily.

Arthur nodded. “She…” He sighed and tried to figure out how to explain who Morgana was and why he’d never mentioned any of this to Gwen before, even though she was a huge fan of Morgana’s music.

“Arthur.” Gwen’s voice was hesitant. “Is your sister… is she Ben?”

Arthur nodded, looking up in time to see Gwen’s eyes widen comically.

“You bastard,” she breathed.

Arthur flinched. “I’m sorry—”

“I can’t believe you’re only telling me this now, after listening to me go on and on about how much I love that stupid band for the past two years, and—” Gwen clapped a hand over her mouth. “Oh my God,” she said, her voice muffled. “I told you I have _fantasies_ about your _sister_!”

“Yeah.” Arthur grimaced. “That was not a fun conversation for me.”

Gwen reached across the table and slapped his arm, hard. “If you’d fucking told me this from the beginning, I wouldn’t have subjected you to it.”

“I couldn’t,” Arthur blurted out. “By the time you and I were close enough that I would have mentioned it, she and I had already stopped talking to each other.”

Gwen took a moment to process that and then leaned back in her chair. “What happened?”

“We had a fight.”

“I fight with my brother all the time, and the longest we’ve ever gone without speaking is a week. And I’m pretty sure that was only because we were at different unis and his mobile was broken at the time.”

“I told you, my family is complicated.”

“No, _you’re_ being complicated by refusing to discuss it.”

Arthur shrugged and went back to his beer, trying to think of an easy way to change the topic. “Well, do you want to come to the show or not?”

Gwen looked like she was about to smack him again. “I can’t believe you think I’d say no.”

“Just checking,” Arthur mumbled. He picked up his mobile to respond to Morgana.

**_To: Morgana  
I’ll come, but I’m bringing a friend. She’s a big fan. When and where?_ **

~~~~

They took the tube to the venue, and it turned out to be much more cramped than Arthur was prepared for. Gwen had dug around on her mobile for more information about the show, but it was apparently unscheduled and unannounced. The word must have got out somehow, though, because everyone seemed to know exactly what was about to happen. Arthur kept catching snippets of conversations about how excited people were, about Ben’s solo album and sudden decision to reunite with the band that had first given her acclaim, about the new dummer and the mysterious rift between Ben and the old drummer, and about Ben’s carefully hidden identity.

Gwen wanted to get as close to the stage as possible after they got their beers from the crowded bar in the back, but Arthur only let her drag him halfway into the crowd.

“This is a good spot,” he insisted, turning away from her ridiculous pout.

“I’m not going to let you ruin this night for me,” she said seriously.

Arthur just rolled his eyes, positive that, if anything, it would be other way around. Before they’d got on the tube, Gwen had insisted that Arthur drive her to her flat so she could find something more appropriate to wear than her rather conservative teaching attire. She’d made him critique all of her choices until his eyes were blurring and she had finally settled on a purple dress that was just low-cut and short enough that he knew there was going to be a problem once he introduced her to Morgana.

“You know,” Gwen said, far too innocently, “I’ve heard rumours about your sister being, well…”

Arthur said nothing. He was pretty sure he knew what she was about to say. He’d been dreading it all evening, and he still hadn’t come up with a response he felt comfortable with.

“A lesbian,” Gwen finished in a mock whisper.

Arthur sighed and took a sip of his beer without answering.

Gwen’s eyes lit up. “Is that a yes?”

Arthur shook his head.

“Is that a no, then?”

Arthur shook his head again.

Gwen deflated slightly. “You really are not fun at all. I need some new friends.” She looked around as if she was going to spot a better group of friends, ready and waiting for her, only feet away. “Is that Leon?”

Arthur turned to look even though he already knew the answer. Leon was standing in line at the bar with a woman Arthur didn’t recognise.

“Is this why he cancelled on us? How did he even know about this?” Gwen rounded on Arthur, her eyes narrowed. “Has he known all along that your sister is—”

“Yes,” Arthur said shortly, cutting her off before she could say something that he wouldn’t want anyone to overhear.

“How?” she demanded.

“We’ve been friends since we were teenagers,” Arthur reminded her warily. “He knows my family. He… they used to date.”

Gwen looked like she was about to explode with indignation. “Leon,” she said slowly, pointing toward the bar for emphasis, “used to _date_ your sister.”

She pointed toward the stage on the last word, and Arthur grabbed her arm before someone could notice.

“It was a long time ago,” he said by way of an apology.

“I’m going to kill the two of you. Come on, let’s go introduce ourselves to his sexy girlfriend.”

Arthur followed reluctantly.

“Leon,” Gwen said in a falsely sweet voice when they reached him.

Leon turned away from his date and stared down at Gwen with wide eyes. When he noticed Arthur standing behind her, his mouth dropped open.

“You’re… here,” he said, clearly dumbfounded.

“Secret’s out,” Arthur said dully, trying to force a smile.

Leon frowned slightly. “What are you… I thought you and—” He cut himself off, his eyes flickering between Arthur and Gwen.

“She sent me a text,” Arthur explained. “I guess she wants to make up.”

Before Leon could respond, his date shifted beside him, reminding him of her presence.

“This is Mithian,” he said quickly, looking frazzled. “This is Arthur and Gwen. They teach at Albion as well.”

Arthur shook her hand, remembering that Leon had mentioned a Mithian a few months before. He hadn’t realised Leon was dating anyone and wondered about the last time he had even asked.

“Come stand with us,” Gwen offered before leading the way back into the crowd.

Mithian followed, tactfully leaving Leon and Arthur alone.

“You actually told Gwen about Morgana?” Leon asked as soon as the girls were out of earshot.

Arthur nodded.

“And she didn’t castrate you?”

Arthur laughed for the first time since getting Morgana’s text. “She hasn’t yet, no. Although Lance might do the job for her on Monday when he finds out we all came to this show without him.”

Leon’s smile fell. “Oh, shit.”

Lance was a fellow teacher who had started at their school the same time as Gwen. He had bonded with her almost immediately over their mutual love of Ben and the Franklins.

“We’ll deal with it on Monday,” Arthur said bracingly as Leon approached the bar.

“We should go find them before Gwen starts telling embarrassing stories about me,” Leon said once he had two beers in hand.

Arthur nodded in agreement and shifted away from the bar to let the next person in, but he didn’t make any moves to get back into the crowd.

“I didn’t know you were seeing anyone,” he said guiltily.

“This is our first real date,” Leon admitted, and Arthur noticed that his face was slightly pink. “Until now it’s mostly been coffee and… not coffee.”

“What the hell is ‘not coffee’ supposed to mean?”

“Sex,” Leon said, his cheeks turning a deeper shade of red. “We were just being casual, but I wanted to try something more serious.”

Arthur fought not to snort. “Mate, you’re like a blushing bride,” he teased. “That good, huh?”

Leon shrugged and entirely failed to hold back a grin as he attempted to nonchalantly take a sip of his beer.

“Come on, Romeo.” Arthur clapped Leon’s shoulder and led the way to find Gwen and Mithian.

He found them much closer to the stage than he and Gwen had been originally, but Arthur held his complaints and decided to make an effort to enjoy himself instead.

~~~~

By the time the opening act was finished, Arthur was pleasantly buzzed and actually having a good time. Gwen was practically vibrating with giddiness, and it was hard not to be affected by her dimples.

Not for the first time, Arthur thought about what their relationship might have been under different circumstances. If they were straight, they would probably be dating by now. This would be a double-date with Leon and Mithian, and Arthur would have someone to hold onto and dance with and kiss at the end of the night.

As it was, Gwen was infatuated with Arthur’s sister, Arthur couldn’t find a boyfriend, and Leon and Mithian were sickeningly sweet in the early stages of their new romance. They couldn’t seem to stop looking at each other, or touching each other, or whispering in each other’s ears every other second. Arthur’s stomach was twisting with envy. It had been so long since he’d had anything like that he could barely remember what it felt like. He could see the light in Leon’s eyes and the way Leon’s hand refused to leave Mithian’s waist, and he couldn’t help but be jealous.

“Oh,” Gwen gasped, her mouth hanging open as the stage lights dimmed and vaguely human-shaped shadows started making their way toward their instruments. “Oh!” She started shrieking and clapping with the rest of the crowd.

Arthur caught Leon’s eye and chuckled. Mithian was jumping up and down a little, still with one of Leon’s arms wrapped around her.

A keyboard started softly, playing a few innocent notes. The crowd erupted and Arthur recognised the opening to the first track from their first album.

The melody grew stronger, louder, and then Morgana started singing sweetly, matching the keyboard’s tone. Arthur held his breath as the song built, the other instruments slowly creeping in. This was his favourite of all of Morgana’s songs, though he would never admit that to anyone. It was more fun to pretend he hated everything about the band, especially when Gwen and Lance would get so defensive.

Another singer joined in, echoing Morgana’s lyrics in a higher, far-off sounding voice. The bass kicked in at full force, the drums burst into life, and the lights on the stage finally flicked on as the verse swelled.

Everyone in the room seemed to lose their minds at the same time. Arthur watched people bouncing, their hands waving to the music, any sense of dignity forgotten at this opportunity to watch the recently reunited Ben and the Franklins perform their secret show.

The beat was slow but infectious, the keyboard kept repeating its high counterpart like some kind of dream, and Arthur found himself rocking from side to side. He closed his eyes, letting himself get carried away in the fantastical sound.

When he couldn’t put it off any longer, he looked up at the stage. There, front and centre and gripping the microphone stand as if she would fall over without its support, was Morgana. She was making grand, sweeping gestures with her free hand as she sang, and that, combined with her ridiculous gown and long hair, made her look like something out of a fairytale. She had never been one to shy away from attention.

Arthur looked over the rest of the band, who were all dressed in jeans and looking much more casual than Morgana. Freya was off on the right side of the stage, singing back-up as she slammed her fingers into the keyboard. Gilli was next to her with his bass, and on the left was Mordred, the youngest and most energetic member of the band. He was thrashing around with his guitar, looking slightly possessed.

Arthur didn’t know the drummer, who was new, a replacement for Morgause, Morgana’s apparently ex-girlfriend. Their relationship had been so secretive that even Morgause’s departure from the band and Morgana’s angry, heartbroken solo album hadn’t tipped off the media to what had really happened between them.

Morgana hadn’t made any public comments about the reason behind the changes in the band’s line-up, so it was hard to know for sure what had happened, but Arthur could make a few guesses. Morgana had been blind to it, but Morgause had always been power-hungry and manipulative. Arthur had disliked her from the very beginning. He hoped that Morgana had finally come to her senses and seen Morgause for what she really was.

The new drummer was slender and had ears that stuck out, sharp cheekbones that Arthur could see from halfway across the room, and arms that were almost completely covered in tattoos.

Arthur watched the drummer for a while, trying to imagine the newcomer’s place in the band’s dynamic. Morgana and Morgause had been collaborators since they had founded the band. They co-wrote songs and cultivated the band’s image together. He couldn’t imagine Morgana letting someone else fully replace Morgause’s role.

The first song ended and Arthur clapped along with the rest of the crowd, watching Morgana. She took a few moments to appreciate the applause before clearing her throat into the microphone. The audience quieted down almost immediately.

“Thank you,” she said, smiling sweetly. “I’m really glad all of you were able to make it to our surprise show. This is the first time we’ve performed together in a while, and it means a lot to me that we still have so many fans. I wanted to take a moment to introduce the band. I’m Ben—”

The room erupted again, and Morgana laughed, looking proud but bashful. “Thank you, thank you,” she said to get quiet again. “On keyboards we’ve got Aretha.” Morgana gestured toward Freya and there were some catcalls amongst the applause. Freya waved cheerfully.

“And there’s Pierce, re-tuning his bass.” Gilli waved to acknowledge the crowd.

“Dixon on guitar.” Mordred took an elaborate bow to his applause.

“And I’m sure you’ve all noticed our lovely new drummer. They’re very energetic, very talented, and very gorgeous, ladies and gentlemen. They’re a little shy, so be extra loud for them. Introducing… Delano!”

Arthur clapped and bit down a smile as he watched the new drummer awkwardly life their hands in thanks. Arthur couldn’t be sure from so far back, but it looked like they might be blushing.

“They’re adorable, aren’t they?” Morgana asked, bringing the room’s attention back to herself.

The crowd was still cheering as she glanced around at her band and nodded meaningfully to start the next song.

Arthur kept his eyes on the drummer, watching those long, thin, muscular, tattooed arms flying through the air with a grace and strength that was surprisingly mesmerising. He had never been this drawn to Morgause, but, then again, as talented as she had been, Morgause had always played with a bored, sour look on her face.

The rest of the show went by in a blur with fast-paced songs and lots of ups and downs as Arthur’s attention slipped from the new drummer to memories of past feuds with Morgana and back again. He loved his sister dearly and always would, but no one else could push his buttons the way she could. He knew she probably felt the same about him and knew that they were probably pretty typical as far as siblings went, but that didn’t make it any less difficult.

~~~~

As soon as she stepped off stage, Morgana pulled her hair up in a messy bun and started fanning the back of her neck with her hands. She was exhausted and exhilarated and so sweaty. She’d nearly forgotten what it was like to perform under all those lights, to move around on the stage, to work her arse off to entertain the crowd.

She knew she’d done a good job, though. The audience had been so into it, so excited, so energetic.

The show had gone exactly as she had wanted it to.

She made her way past everyone who was working backstage and went into one of the dressing rooms where she sat, took off her shoes, and took a deep breath.

Her first show back with the band, her first show without Morgause, her first show with Merlin instead. She had felt her ex-girlfriend’s absence, felt her missing back-up vocals, felt the way Merlin played the drums just a little differently.

It had been good, though. It had been worth it.

And now that she had cooled off a bit, she was absolutely ravenous.

She changed out of her stage outfit into jeans and a loose top and went out to see the rest of the band. They were in the green room with their manager, Aglain, already gathered together and chatting excitedly about the show.

Morgana joined them and, after letting them gush about how well it had gone for a while, led them in a more critical debrief. They weren’t exactly rusty on any of the songs, as they had been practising, but they could always do better. Some of the venue crew members came over to their huddle to make sure everything had gone well technically, and that went on for so long that Morgana started feeling weak from hunger.

Aglain must have noticed, because he wrapped up the conversation and started polling the band on what they wanted for dinner.

Once everyone’s orders were settled and bottles of booze started appearing out of nowhere, Morgana decided it was time. She took out her mobile and sent a text to Leon.

_**To: Leon  
Meet me at the back door and I’ll let you all inside.** _

She went to the back door, and it didn’t take long for there to be a knock. When she opened the door, she was surprised to see not only Leon and the rest of her guests, but an entire crowd of concert-goers all loitering, hoping to catch a glimpse of her. They started cheering at her appearance, and Morgana offered a smile and a wave.

She shooed her group in quickly and shut the door again. She glanced around at everyone—over Leon and Arthur and the two women she didn’t know—and decided to greet Leon first. That seemed easiest.

Leon was ready when she went in for a hug, his arms settling around her.

“It’s so good to see you,” she said, her words muffled in his shirt. “How are you?”

“I’m wonderful.” Leon stepped back and wrapped his arm around one of the women’s waist. “This is Mithian.”

“Oh!” Morgana shook Mithian’s hand quickly. “Thanks so much for coming.”

“I loved it,” Mithian said earnestly, and Morgana grinned before turning to Arthur.

He pushed the other woman in front of him.

“This is my friend Gwen,” he said. “She teaches with me and Leon.”

“I’m… a huge fan,” Gwen said, holding out a hand.

Morgana shook it, trying not to stare at the way Gwen’s dress framed her cleavage. “Thank you.” She glanced over Gwen’s head, giving Arthur a pointed look, and Gwen scurried to the side.

“Morgana,” Arthur said, nodding stiffly.

Morgana rolled her eyes and stepped forward for a hug. “Thank you for coming.”

“Anything for you, I guess,” Arthur said, awkwardly fitting his arms around her waist.

It was strange to see and touch him again, stranger still to feel so compelled to slip back into sisterly affection after so long of nothing.

“You always say the nicest things.” Morgana stepped back and gave Arthur a weak smile before addressing the rest of the group. “We just ordered dinner. I think we’re going to hang out here and celebrate and get drunk until they kick us out. You’re welcome to join us.”

She led them into the green room and clapped her hands together, getting everyone’s attention. Her new drummer was missing from the group, but the rest of her band was still there. “I brought friends,” she announced. “This is Mithian and Gwen, and some of you might know Leon and my brother Arthur.”

Freya came over to say hello, and Morgana found her gaze slipping back to Gwen. She had dark skin and darker hair, and she was a little bit stunning, even besides her breasts. Plus, unlike Arthur, she seemed genuinely happy to be there.

“So, you teach at Albion?” Morgana asked her.

Gwen froze for a moment, an uneasy smile on her lips, and then she nodded. “Yes, English.”

“How long have you been there?”

“About two years.”

“Two years of working alongside my prat brother?” Morgana asked. “You’re a braver woman than I.”

“Oh.” Gwen gave a nervous laugh, which was adorable. “He’s not so bad. We run the Queer-Straight Alliance together.”

That caught Morgana off guard. She had no idea Arthur did such a thing. She had no idea their father had let him do such a thing.

“I didn’t realise that was really a thing schools did,” she said. “They certainly weren’t a thing when I was in school.”

“They’re becoming more common.”

Morgana glanced around for Arthur and found him standing alone, drinking a beer.

“If you’ll excuse me for just a moment,” she said to Gwen. “I’ll be right back, I promise.”

Gwen nodded, and Morgana went to find her drummer. They were in the dressing room, pulling on a rather ridiculous-looking shirt.

“Hey,” she said, ignoring the bizarre fashion choice. “Can you do me a favour?”

“Probably.” Merlin pulled the shirt’s hood up over their head and looked at themself in the mirror before turning to Morgana. “What is it?”

“Will you talk to my brother? I don’t want him to be left out.”

“Why don’t you talk to him?”

“I will,” Morgana said. “I’m just talking to someone else first. Please? He’s a huge nerd, so I’m sure you’ll have loads to talk about.”

Merlin smirked. “All right. He’s the blond one, yeah?”

“Yeah. You’re the best.” She flashed them a smile before hurrying back to Gwen.

~~~~

Arthur drank his beer slowly, staying close to the wall and away from everyone else.

Morgana’s band had always intimidated him slightly, though he would never admit that out loud to anyone. They were just all very different from him. He didn’t think he was boring, but he was certainly nothing like any of Morgana’s bandmates. The obvious differences between himself and the band made him uncomfortable, and he preferred standing by himself to making awkward small talk.

Arthur observed everyone silently from his corner until the new drummer came in wearing something that Arthur was entirely sure had been stole out of Morgana’s wardrobe. It was a royal purple, short-sleeved knitted shirt with an enormous hood that they had pulled over their head. It framed their face ridiculously, making them look like they’d just stepped off some androgynous high fashion photo shoot. It should have been jarring, but, for some reason, it worked. They looked completely comfortable in the strange shirt, and the more Arthur looked, the more he liked it.

The drummer went over to Mordred to take a few hits off a joint he was smoking, and Arthur glanced around for Gwen, wondering if she would be willing to head out soon.

He figured probably not, by the looks of it. She was in conversation with Morgana and looking thoroughly thrilled about it. Part of Arthur was glad he could make this dream meeting happen for her. Another part of him was annoyed that Morgana had so predictably fallen under Gwen’s spell.

“Morgana said I should talk to you.”

Arthur startled and turned to see the drummer standing next to him, pouring themself some vodka.

“She did?”

The drummer nodded and drank their shot, the huge purple hood falling back. Arthur watched as they licked their lips and then gave Arthur a wide smile. “She did. She said you’re a huge nerd.” They held out their hand. “I’m Merlin.”

Arthur shook their hand. “Arthur, though I guess you already knew that.”

Merlin nodded. “So, are you?”

“Am I what?”

“A huge nerd?”

Arthur sighed and took a sip of his beer before answering. “Compared to her, I suppose.”

“Nothing wrong with that.” Merlin said reassuringly. They pulled the hood back up, taking care that it didn’t mess up their hair or hide their face. “I’ve been called a nerd a time or two.”

Arthur took another drink, unsure what to say. ‘Nerd’ wasn’t the word that come to mind when he looked at Merlin. Merlin was, quite frankly, beautiful, what with their sharp cheekbones that were even more prominent under that hood, their bright smile, and their blue eyes that stood out under dark eyebrows. The purple shirt made them look like a flamboyant art student, but the sleeve tattoos—which Arthur now saw were feathers covering their arms like wings—suggested something a little edgier.

“So what do you do?” Merlin prompted.

Arthur realised he’d been staring and shifted himself slightly so that he was looking out at the rest of the room instead.

“History teacher. I work with Leon and Gwen,” he said, gesturing to where Gwen was still talking with Morgana. “She teaches English.”

“She’s wearing quite a dress,” Merlin said appreciatively.

Arthur glanced at Gwen’s cleavage and nodded. “Yeah. She…”

“She knows how to work it.”

Arthur smirked. “She really does.”

Merlin set about pouring another shot. “Do you smoke?”

“Well… no.” Arthur wasn’t sure what Merlin was referring to, but he hadn’t done any drugs since uni, and he’d never regularly smoked cigarettes.

“Me neither, except when I’m drunk.” Merlin smiled broadly. “Mostly I just want some air. Care to join me for a walk?”

Arthur looked over at where Leon and Mithian were sharing Mordred’s joint. He wasn’t exactly in the mood to wander around with a stranger, but it was still a more appealing option than hanging out backstage alone while everyone else got stoned. “Sure.”

“Excellent,” Merlin knocked back the shot, slammed the glass down on the table, and led the way.

Once outside, Arthur paused and leaned against the door with his beer. He looked toward the tube stop one street over and wondered how much trouble he would get in with both Gwen and Morgana if he just left now.

There were still people waiting outside to meet Ben and the Franklins, but fewer than there had been before, and no one seemed to recognise Merlin as a member of the band.

“You sure you don’t want one?” Merlin asked, a cigarette wobbling between their lips as they spoke.

Arthur shook his head, eyeing Merlin’s tattoos again as he took a long gulp of beer. He set the bottle down on the ground next to the door and followed Merlin down the pavement in silence until they couldn’t even see the concert venue or the crowd of fans anymore.

“How long have you been with the band?” Arthur finally asked when he begrudgingly accepted that Merlin wasn’t going to start the conversation.

“Since July.”

“Are you enjoying it?”

“So far.”

“What were you doing before?”

“A couple of smaller projects.”

“How did you meet Morgana?”

“A photo shoot. Do you always interrogate people like this?”

Arthur brushed the hair off his forehead and glanced over at Merlin, wanting to ask which side of the camera they had been on. “Sorry.”

“It’s all right. I just didn’t realise we were going to play 20 Questions. Oh, let’s play 20 Questions!”

Arthur laughed at how excited Merlin sounded. “Really?”

“Yes. I’ve got one already. Start asking.”

Arthur glanced around for inspiration. They had stopped at an intersection, and all he could see down any of the streets were restaurants and boutiques. Merlin tossed the butt of their cigarette on the ground as they crossed.

“Is it a place?”

“No.”

“Damn. Is it an object?”

“No.”

“Is it a person?”

“No.”

“An animal?”

“No.”

Arthur huffed. “Is it a plant?”

“No.”

“Is it alive at all?”

“No.”

“So, it’s inanimate.”

“No.”

Arthur glared over at Merlin, who was grinning. “Is it tangible in any way?”

“No.”

“So, it’s just… an idea? God, you’re crap at this game.”

Merlin laughed. “No, I’m great at this game.”

“How many questions have I asked so far?”

Merlin shrugged. “It doesn’t really matter. It’s more fun to play until you get it right.”

Arthur groaned. “All right. Let’s see. Is it… is it an emotion?”

“Nope.”

“Damn it!” Arthur looked up at the sky, frustrated. He was usually very good at games like this, even when he was drunk. All it took was a little creativity and logic. “Okay, okay. Is it space?”

“No, space is tangible.”

“Not really.”

“You’re deflecting,” Merlin pointed out.

Arthur narrowed his eyes, but Merlin’s smile only grew wider.

“Is it… is it… fuck. Oh! Is it fucking? Is it an action?”

Merlin laughed, bumping their shoulder into Arthur’s, and Arthur finally let himself smile.

“No, it’s not fucking. It’s not an action, either.”

“How long before I can quit?” Arthur asked, going back to feigning annoyance.

“You’re totally going to get it, you just need to make a few more guesses.”

“I’m out of guesses!” Arthur looked back up at the sky. “Is it time travel?”

“No, but you’re getting closer.”

“Something to do with traveling?”

“No.”

“Something to do with time? Oh, is it time itself? Father time? A grandfather clock?”

Merlin laughed and stumbled slightly. “Closer, closer.”

“ _A Wrinkle in Time_? A stitch in time saves nine?”

“You’re getting further away again,” Merlin said through a fit of giggles.

Arthur paused his guessing to watch Merlin laugh for a moment, very much liking the way their eyes were all crinkled up around the edges.

“All right, all right,” he said when Merlin had calmed down somewhat. “So, it’s not time itself. Is it a specific point in time?”

“Yes.”

“Well, that really narrows it down,” Arthur muttered. “Is it something I’ve been alive for? Something I would remember? Is it the Olympics?”

Merlin snorted. “No, it’s not the Olympics. Yes, you were alive for it. And I’d imagine you remember it.”

“Is it my 18th birthday?”

Merlin knocked their shoulder into Arthur’s again. “No.”

“Is it your 18th birthday? Is it the royal wedding?”

“Closer.”

“What, the royal wedding?” Merlin nodded. “What’s close to the royal wedding but isn’t the royal wedding? Is it when Princess Diana died?”

“What? No! How did you get from the royal wedding to that?”

“I don’t know, you’re the one who’s apparently thinking of… fuck, I don’t even know. The year 2018. Or, maybe the other wedding? 2011?”

Merlin flung up their arms in triumph, causing their hood to fall back again. “Yes!”

Arthur stopped dead in his tracks. “No.”

“Yes!” Merlin took a few more steps and then turned back to look at Arthur. “What?”

“You were actually thinking of the year 2011?”

Merlin nodded happily. “I knew you’d guess it eventually.”

“I am never playing this game with you ever again.”

Merlin laughed, pulled up their hood, and backtracked to Arthur, tugging on his arm to turn him around. “Let’s head back, my arms are getting cold. You can think of the thing this time.”

“Fine. I’ve got one. Start guessing.”

“Is it fucking?”

“Damn it!”

Merlin laughed so hard they had to stop walking and lead against a building as they caught their breath.

They spent the rest of the walk back playing I Spy instead, even though the only things either of them could see were shop fronts and lamp posts.

As soon as they were back inside the venue, Merlin pulled out their mobile and sat down on the floor in the corner to make a call. Arthur watched for a while as he started in on another beer, trying to figure out what Merlin was saying to whoever they were talking to.

“Why are you creepily staring at my new drummer?” Morgana asked, appearing at his side.

“Remember when we were little and Dad would yell at us for talking too much at dinner, so we learnt to lipread each other?” Arthur asked, his eyes still on Merlin.

“Yes,” Morgana answered warily.

“It’s a skill that’s come in handy when students try to have secret conversations at the back of my classroom.”

There was a pause, and then Morgana snorted. “Are you trying to lipread Merlin’s conversation?”

“Trying. Completely failing, though.”

“They’re not speaking English! And you’re fucking creepy, trying to eavesdrop on them when you’ve only just met.”

Arthur turned away from Merlin to focus on Morgana. “What language are they speaking?”

Morgana shrugged. “I don’t know, it depends who their talking to.”

“How many languages do they speak?”

“I’m not sure, actually. I’ve never asked. More than one. Well, more than two, I guess. At least tree. Three.”

“You’re drunk.”

“So are you.”

Arthur took a long swig of beer in response. He wasn’t sure he was ready to continue the conversation, knowing it would eventually turn to something more serious. Maybe it was just best to get it over with.

“What prompted this?” he asked.

He noticed for the first time that Morgana’s hair was slightly shorter than it had been the last time he’d seen her in person. It was still long, still most of the way down her back, but the small change made his chest ache for some reason.

“I wanted to see you,” she said quietly. “A lot of things have changed, and I thought we could try to start over.”

“What makes you think I have any interest in that?”

“You showed up,” Morgana answered, seeing right through his defences. “I know we both said horrible things to each other, but we’re still family. I do want to fix this. I miss having you around.”

Arthur looked down at his beer, trying not to be too affected by how sincere Morgana sounded. “What kinds of things have changed?”

“It’s pretty obvious.” When Arthur said nothing, she elaborated. “Morgause is gone. Merlin’s here now, and we’re starting to pick back up again. I’ve been doing some interviews about the band, and we’re going to play some more shows.”

“That’s not any different than last time.” Arthur looked around and made sure Gwen was sufficiently occupied before bringing up a rumour he’d done his best to ignore. “I heard you were in rehab.”

Morgana rolled her eyes. “No, I just had a bad night out and then stayed inside for a month after I broke up with Morgause. I don’t know who started that rumour, but it wasn’t true. I don’t need rehab. I’m not _him_.”

They both fell silent. Morgana frowned and looked back to where Merlin was still sitting on the floor, chatting into their mobile.

“We don’t have to do this,” Arthur said gently. “We can just pretend it never happened.”

Morgana shook her head and looked up at him. “No, I owe you an apology.”

“And I owe you one. Let’s just skip it and go straight to the hugging.”

Morgana looked unconvinced, so Arthur stepped forward and wrapped his arms around her waist. She rose up on her toes and flung her arms around his neck, pulling him down.

“I’m sorry,” she whispered.

“Me too.” Arthur let her go and forced a smile. “See? Easy.”

“How is he though?” she asked, looking like she hated herself for even bringing it up.

“He’s the same,” Arthur admitted.

Morgana nodded and reached for Arthur’s beer. He let her take it.

“So, how do you like Merlin?” she asked after taking a sip, her voice light and cheery.

“They seem great,” Arthur answered truthfully, glad for the change of topic. “They’re really funny.”

“Yeah? Where did you go earlier?”

“Just for a walk, to get some air. We played a very bizarre game of 20 Questions.”

Morgana narrowed her eyes. “You like them, don’t you?”

“Why shouldn’t I?”

“You’re not allowed to date them,” she said firmly.

Arthur rolled his eyes. “What makes you think I even want to?”

“Because they’re sweet and dorky, just like you. But you can’t have them. I’ve already lost one drummer because of a bad break up—I don’t want to risk losing another in the same way.”

“It’s not like you’d be the one breaking up with them,” Arthur argued.

“No, but you’re my brother and you’ll always be a presence in my life. I hope. And I want Merlin to stick around as long as possible. I know it worked out the last time you tried this with Mordred, but there’s no saying what’ll happen this time. They’re off limits, Arthur.”

“I suppose you’re not going to let me make the same rule about Gwen.”

Morgana raised one of her carefully styled eyebrows. “Is your career going to be thrown into utter turmoil—again—if Gwen and I have a bad break up?”

“Well—”

“It’s not the same” she said firmly. “Merlin’s off limits.”

“Whatever. It’s not like I was planning to make a pass at them. We went for a walk, Morgana. Calm down.”

She gave him a long, hard look before nodding, apparently satisfied that they were in agreement.

“How are things otherwise?” she asked. “How’s your writing?”

Arthur shrugged and took back his beer. “It usually gets put on hold during term. It’s more of a summer holiday hobby.”

“That’s a shame.”

“It’s not so bad,” Arthur assured her. “I love teaching. I don’t need a constant creative outlet like you do.”

“Lucky you.”

Arthur drank the rest of his beer as he watched Gwen excuse herself from conversation with Freya and come over to him and Morgana. She hooked her arm with his and leaned into him.

“Do you want to go home?” Arthur asked, shifting slightly to better support her weight.

“‘Want’ is a strong word.”

Arthur chuckled and passed his empty bottle back to Morgana so he could pull out his mobile. “All right, let me get us a ride.”

“You’re too kind,” Gwen mumbled, resting her head on his shoulder.

Arthur manoeuvred Gwen until she was leaning on Morgana instead of him and stepped back outside so he could arrange a ride in peace.

When he was finished and turned around to go back inside, he found Merlin hovering nearby, looking sheepish.

“I thought you’d left,” they said quietly.

Arthur thought of all the ways he could seduce Merlin in the dark car park and invite them home for what was sure to be an energetic shag. If he was honest with himself, he wasn’t entirely certain that Morgana’s decree didn’t make him want to kiss Merlin out of sheer spite.

“Just getting a car,” he explained, holding up his mobile. “Do you need one as well?”

“No, thanks. I think Freya’s sober enough to drive us home.” Merlin took out their own mobile and looked intently down at its screen. “Can I have your number? I’m even better at 20 Questions via text.”

They looked up at Arthur after a few seconds of silence, their smile soft and shy and a little unsure. Something tightened in Arthur’s chest, and he fumbled with his mobile for a moment before he found his words.

“Yeah, of course.” He recited his number, watching Merlin’s long fingers type it out and press the call button. His mobile rang with the new number and he answered, looking up at Merlin’s amused face. “Hello?”

Merlin raised their mobile to their ear, playing along. “Hi, did you order a taxi?”

“No, I ordered a pizza, actually.”

“I’ve got one of those, too, oddly enough.”

Arthur snickered and ended the call, tucking his mobile back into his pocket. “I have to get Gwen,” he explained, opening the door to go inside.

“It was good to meet you,” Merlin said. Arthur turned back around to see them holding out their hand. “Hopefully we’ll see more of each other.”

“I imagine we will.” Arthur shook his hand without meeting their gaze.

He ducked back inside and extracted Gwen, dragging her away from Mordred and his joint despite her protests that she was feeling more sober and wanted to say longer.

“I’m sure we’ll see them again soon enough,” Arthur assured her once they were outside.

Gwen seemed satisfied with that because she stopped struggling and let him guide her to the street corner where their car was already waiting. He let her ramble on about how wonderful Morgana was during the ride. Smiling and nodding occasionally, he tuned out most of what she was saying while he tried to work out his first impression of Merlin. He found that easier than focusing on his still-jumbled feelings about seeing Morgana for the first time.

When they arrived back at her flat, Arthur led her inside, promising that he’d be back the next day to pick up his car. Gwen collapsed, fully dressed, on her bed, and Arthur pulled the covers over her before heading back down to his ride.

~~~~

He woke up the next morning with a painfully full bladder and an ache in his stomach that reminded him how much he’d drank the night before. He could have happily stayed in bed all day if it weren’t for the discomfort, so he grudgingly got up to relieve himself.

Once in the bathroom, he decided to go ahead and take a shower to wake up more. The water was too hot no matter how much he adjusted it, but after a few minutes the burn hurt a little less and he relaxed under the soothing stream. He thought about what he wanted to do and what he had to do, and he thought up a schedule for himself.

He would make breakfast, including a large pot of coffee, ride his bike over to Gwen’s to pick up his car, buy some groceries, settle down at a cafe for lunch and more coffee while he did some marking, and then return home for the evening. Maybe he could persuade some friends to come over for a game or a movie, or maybe he would spend the night trying a few new tea blends and finishing the book he was reading. Or maybe he would even pull out his laptop and do some writing of his own.

Feeling much more human, Arthur turned off the water and dried himself off in front of his fogged-up mirror, watching his blurry reflection. When he was dry, he ran his hand across the mirror to clear away the condensation and get a better look at himself. There were bags under his eyes and his damp hair closely resembled a bird nest, but he didn’t look as bad as he’d feared, considering he hadn’t stayed out so late drinking for several months.

He dried off his hair a little more before tossing his towel on the floor and going back to his room to get ready for the day.

By the time he was dressed, the ache in his stomach had turned in a grumbling hunger pain, and his mouth watered as he made himself scrambled eggs. When he finally sat down at the table with his eggs and some toast, the coffee still brewing, he checked the news on his mobile and read up on local events.

He always told himself that he was going to get more involved in his community, like going out to more shows and galleries and festivals with his friends and meeting all sorts of new and exciting people. What he usually ended up doing instead was staying in his flat. His students gave him enough social interactions and drama to last him through most weekends, and he usually didn’t have the energy to go out and do much.

As he set his empty dishes in the sink, his mobile buzzed on the kitchen table.

**From: Merlin  
20 Questions, let’s do this. I’ve got one**

Arthur found himself grinning at the text message, his mind already trying to anticipate Merlin’s strategy.

_**To: Merlin  
Is it tangible?** _

He slipped his mobile into his pocket and didn’t let himself check it again until he’d finished his coffee, packed his satchel full of papers, and grabbed his bike helmet.

**From: Merlin  
No**

Arthur hovered by his door for a moment, wondering how long it would take for him to guess correctly this time. Merlin’s version of 20 Questions was frustrating in a strangely enjoyable way.

_**To: Merlin  
Is it the sadness you feel about the suffering of the polar bears due to climate change?** _

Arthur fastened on his helmet and raced out of his flat and down to the street, eager to get to Gwen’s so that he could check his mobile again. He rode quickly and a bit dangerously, cutting off a few cars and ignoring the traffic laws at every opportunity.

By the time he got to Gwen’s, he was sweating from exertion, but he didn’t care. He locked up his bike and pulled out his mobile before he even took off his helmet.

**From: Merlin  
You’re way better at this than you should be**

_**To: Merlin  
That can’t actually be what you were thinking of.** _

He rang the doorbell for Gwen’s flat and waited for her to buzz him in. She took so long that he considered calling to make sure she was awake, but eventually she mumbled something incoherent through the intercom and let him into the building.

“You look like you’ve been in a brawl,” he said frankly when she opened the door to her flat.

“You look…” She waved her hand vaguely as he invited himself in. “Sunny.”

“I look sunny?” Arthur asked, chuckling. His mobile buzzed in his pocket, and he pulled it out quickly.

**From: Merlin  
No, but that guess definitely beats what I was thinking of. I’ll give that win to you. It’s your turn. When you think of something, my first question is: does it have hair?**

Arthur had already decided that his first turn was going to be about his first haircut.

_**To: Merlin  
Oddly enough, it does. Well, ‘have’ isn’t really the right word. It involves hair** _

“Who are you texting?” Gwen asked.

“Um. Merlin.” Arthur put away his mobile and tossed his helmet onto the sofa.

“Who’s Merlin?”

“The new drummer. Didn’t you meet them last night?”

Gwen paused and frowned, clearly trying to remember. “I guess not,” she admitted. “I was too excited about meeting Ben. I mean… Morgana.”

Arthur laughed at her sheepish expression. “God, you’re in love already, aren’t you?”

“No,” she said firmly.

“I don’t believe you.”

Gwen shrugged and gave him a look that unnerved him even though her sleepy, hungover expression. “How was last night for you? Seeing your sister, I mean.”

His mobile buzzed again, and Gwen tutted when he checked it instead of answering her.

**From: Merlin  
Is it pubic hair? If no, is it a wig and/or toupee? If no, is it famous hair?**

_**To: Merlin  
No, no, and no.** _

“What are you two talking about?”

Arthur pocketed his mobile before she could reach for it. “We’re, um… we’re playing 20 Questions.”

It seemed to take a moment for his words to sink in, but when they did, Gwen’s whole face lit up. “Oh my _God_ , that is fucking precious. That has to be the nerdiest possible way you could flirt with someone via text.”

“It’s not flirting.”

Gwen rolled her eyes. “It’s definitely flirting. You should invite them to yours tonight. I’ll come over, and we can watch some silly movie, and then I’ll tactfully excuse myself early and leave you two to—”

“It’s not going to happen. Morgana said they’re—well, I’m—I’m not interested. And it’s not flirting.”

Gwen looked extremely unconvinced. “You’re a terrible liar. Invite them over.”

“No.”

“Please? Even if you don’t fancy them, you can still become friends. And then you can start hanging out, and I’ll be there because I’m your friend, too. And then we can start inviting Morgana because she’s your sister, and she’s Merlin’s friend, and then she and I will become friends!”

“Don’t pretend like you’re going to stop at being just friends.”

Gwen’s eyes widened. “I thought you said she wasn’t gay. You said she dated Leon!”

Arthur held up his hands. “I have nothing more to say on the matter.”

“You are the worst person I know.”

“I think you’re exaggerating a bit.”

Gwen crossed her arms, and Arthur straightened up slightly, suddenly reminded why so many students were intimidated by her.

“You came over to my flat— _far_ too early to be reasonable after a night like that—you refuse to help me befriend your sister, _and_ you won’t even tell me if I have a chance with her?”

“Did you not see the way she was staring at your breasts last night?”

“Everyone was staring at my breasts last night,” Gwen said dismissively. “That’s the point of that dress.”

“Well, then I can’t help you.”

“Please, just invite Merlin over. I want to meet them, and I want them to help me become friends with Morgana because you’re no help—and no fun—at all.”

Arthur glared, but Gwen glared right back, and he knew it was hopeless. She wasn’t above begging, not when she really wanted something, and especially not when it was something he didn’t particularly want.

“Fine.”

He pulled out his mobile again and typed out a message to Merlin.

_**To: Merlin  
Side note while you’re thinking of your next guess—do you want to come over to mine for dinner? Gwen will be there and she was to meet you (I’m pretty sure she met you last night but she doesn’t seem to remember) and we can play card games or watch a film or something. Heads up that she’s going to use you to get to Morgana.** _

“Writing a novel?” Gwen asked when he was finally finished.

“Yeah. I figure Merlin’s probably the target audience for my gay historical fiction, but they prefer all of their books in short, text-message sized excerpts.”

“It’s too early for you to be this snarky.”

“It’s noon, Gwen.”

“Whatever.”

Arthur laughed and stepped forward to kiss her on the forehead. “I’m going to go pick up a few groceries and head to some hip coffee shop to do my marking from yesterday. Do you want to join me?”

“No,” Gwen said sweetly, wrapping her arms around his waist and pulling him close. “I want to go back to bed.”

Arthur kissed her forehead again. “All right, go sleep off your hangover. I’ll let you know what Merlin says about tonight.”

“You’d better not tell me a lie,” she said seriously, pushing him away.

“You know I can’t actually lie to you,” he reminded her. He grabbed his helmet off the sofa and opened the door to let himself out. “I’ll see you tonight, probably.”

Gwen nodded confidently and waved as he left.

It took him a few frustrating minutes to shove his bike in the back seat of his car, but eventually everything was secured and he slid in behind the wheel.

He checked his mobile, but there weren’t any new messages, so he drove off.

Merlin didn’t respond until Arthur was settled at the coffee shop with scones, a very large coffee, and far too many tests to mark. Just as he was wondering why he put himself and his students through this so often, his mobile finally buzzed.

**From: Merlin  
I’d love to come over. I don’t think I was officially introduced to Gwen. I also don’t think she’ll need my help getting to Morgana. They seemed very mutually interested last night. Anyway, my next guess is: are we secretly talking about fur? Or does it actually involve human hair?**

_**To: Merlin  
I think you’re right about Gwen & Morgana, but I’m not going to encourage it. It’s definitely nothing to do with fur.** _

It took a while for Merlin to respond after that, and Arthur didn’t get through nearly as many tests as he should have. He found himself constantly distracted, checking his mobile every 30 seconds or trying to come up with what his next thing to think of for their 20 Questions game or wondering what Merlin was doing. He could imagine Merlin sitting in a sad, starving artist style flat, wearing some brightly-coloured flamboyant outfit and writing out lists of bizarre and random ideas they could use in their game.

**From: Merlin  
I think they’d be sweet together. Does it have anything to do with your hair?**

**_To: Merlin  
Yes_ **

Arthur silenced his mobile and buried it in the bottom of his satchel, deciding that he wouldn’t look at it until he’d finished all of his marking.

Surprisingly, it wasn’t a very good incentive. He still couldn’t concentrate on the tests when there were other things to think about—like if it was going to be awkward that night with Gwen and Merlin or what the three of them were even going to do together.

When he finally reached the last test paper, he could barely stop himself from checking his mobile. He tried to mark it quickly, but it was a mess.

It was one of his favourite students, a quiet girl who always said very thoughtful things when he called on her in class. She never raised her hand or talked out of turn, but she was smart and had done well on all of the assignments so far that term.

This test was another story, though. Her answered were short, very vague, and full of errors. It was clear she hadn’t read the materials or paid attention to any of the class discussions. He thought back to that week, trying to remember if she had been acting any different or seemed distracted.

He couldn’t think of anything out of the ordinary. Deciding that her past performance didn’t warrant a fail, Arthur fixed a few mistakes on the longer responses and then wrote ‘SEE ME’ across the top of the page.

Finally finished, he snatched at his mobile and nearly dropped it on the floor in his rush.

**From: Merlin  
Is it something to do with a haircut you’ve had? Your most recent haircut? Your first ever haircut? The best haircut you’ve ever had? The worst? Is it the time you cut your own hair with hilarious results?**

Arthur read over the list of Merlin’s questions, his smile getting wider with each one.

_**To: Merlin  
It was my first ever haircut. You are fantastic at this. What time do you want to come over?** _

Arthur packed his things away and bought another coffee to go before heading back out to his car. He took the long way home so he could process the day—he had always found it easier to think when he wasn’t distracted by anything in his flat and all he had to worry about was starting and stopping his car at the right times.

He was pretty sure that he liked Merlin independently of wanting to do the opposite of whatever Morgana said. Merlin was clever and nice and more than attractive. They were a little more eccentric than Arthur usually went for but not so eccentric that they were inaccessible. They were friendly and engaging.

If Morgana hadn’t forbidden it, Arthur knew he’d be going along with Gwen’s plans to make a move on Merlin that night. It had been a while since he’d met someone who made him smile so effortlessly, and he couldn’t help but grin at each and every text message that Merlin sent. It felt new and exciting in a very puppy love kind of way.

He knew he was going to have to put a stop to it before he got too carried away, though. As much as he loved winding Morgana up—and as much as she enjoyed winding him up—he didn’t think dating Merlin would be a good way to test her boundaries. They were only just starting to speak to each other again, and she had lost Ben and the Franklin’s original drummer because of a bad break up. He didn’t think she would forgive him easily, or maybe at all, if he went against her wishes and then messed things up and ruined Merlin’s relationship with the band.

It had been a while since he’d felt so giddy over someone, but he had managed just fine without a partner before, and he was sure that someone else would come along in time. Until then, he could handle being just friends with Merlin, although he didn’t think he’d be able to fully stop himself from flirting.

~~~~

When Gwen and Merlin came over a few hours later, Arthur found that he was completely unprepared for the way they joined together and ganged up on him within minutes of being introduced.

“I usually get outvoted,” Gwen said, settling down on the sofa next to Merlin. “We always end up ordering pizza.”

“Chinese is way better.” Merlin looked up at Arthur expectantly. “Are you going to order it or not?”

“I want you both to know that I find your whole friendship very suspect. I’d better not find anything on fire when I return.”

He gave them a long look of warning before going to into the kitchen to call in their order.

When he went back to the living room, Gwen was showing Merlin something on her mobile, and Merlin was laughing so hard they looked close to tears.

Gwen looked up with a positively giddy expression, and Arthur’s heart sank.

“Please tell me you’re not showing them what I think you’re showing them.”

“Of course I am.” Gwen patted the spot next to her, and Arthur sat down reluctantly.

“You have really nice legs,” Merlin said, their voice quivering with laughter.

“I want it on record that I was against the waxing. And the fishnets. And everything else. God, I can’t talk about this sober.”

Merlin doubled over, and Arthur snatched Gwen’s mobile away before it could get any more out of hand. She had been playing a video of Arthur’s one and only drag performance, something Gwen had managed to talk him into the year before. He still wasn’t sure exactly how she had convinced him to do it, but she somehow had and then posted the proof on the internet. Arthur’s only hope was that none of his students ever wandered across the video or at least that they wouldn’t recognise him under the ridiculous wig and all the makeup.

“Is there any particular reason you decided to share this moment with Merlin?” Arthur asked, closing the video and slipping Gwen’s mobile into her cleavage.

“I’m trying to blackmail you into being a better person.” Gwen looked at the mobile sitting between her breasts for a moment before smiling up at Arthur, apparently deciding she liked it there.

“I’m not sure that makes sense,” Arthur said.

“What did he do to warrant blackmail?” Merlin asked, finally catching their breath from laughing.

“He’s trying to keep his sister all to himself.”

Merlin raised an eyebrow, and Arthur signed in frustration.

“She’s upset because I won’t tell her whether or not Morgana’s a lesbian,” Arthur explained.

“I can tell her that,” Merlin offered.

“It’s not for either of us to tell,” Arthur said firmly.

Gwen had the decency to look somewhat ashamed, but Merlin only laughed.

“Morgana asked me to tell you she’s bisexual,” they said to Gwen. “As am I,” they added, looking at Arthur.

“And she’s single?” Gwen pressed.

Merlin nodded, and Gwen grinned triumphantly. Arthur pulled his legs up onto the sofa and crossed them, turning to lean against the armrest so he could face both Gwen and Merlin.

“What if you’re not even her type? The last girl she dated was blonde and manipulative, and you’re only one of those things.”

“Then I’ll manipulate her into falling for me,” Gwen said easily. “Thank you for being a normal person about this very simple situation,” she said to Merlin. “That would have taken Arthur another two years to reveal.”

Merlin’s lips quirked as they looked toward Arthur. “Are you usually so secretive?”

“No—”

“Yes!” Gwen insisted, cutting him off. “I’ve known him for two years, and he only just told me _yesterday_ that he has a sister and that said sister is in my favourite band.”

“I’m voting on Gwen’s side again,” Merlin said. “That’s pretty secretive.”

“Yesterday was the first time I’d even spoken to Morgana in two years. I wasn’t keeping it a secret, I was just…”

“You were keeping it a secret,” Gwen argued. “You had so many opportunities to tell me.”

Arthur sighed. Gwen was right, even though he didn’t want to admit it.

“So, are we going to watch a film, or what?” Merlin asked innocently, breaking the tension.

“Oh, yes! Let’s watch a romantic comedy,” Gwen said.

Arthur took a deep breath and got up to open the wine, hoping she wasn’t trying to use the film to try to get him and Merlin in the mood to get together.

Of course, As Arthur had feared, Gwen found an excuse to go home as soon as the film ended, which left Merlin and Arthur alone on the sofa with only the telly remote and the remains of the their dinner between them.

“Gwen’s great,” Merlin said. “Very sweet.”

“She’s usually very sweet, yes,” Arthur agreed, glancing over.

Merlin was sitting slightly forward, their elbows resting on their knees. Their sleeves were pushed up, showing off the tattoos on their thin arms. They looked graceful and thoughtful and very much like they could fly out the window with their feathered arms at any moment.

Arthur wondered if he’d had too much to drink.

“So, Morgana told me you’re a writer?” Merlin prompted.

Arthur glanced up from Merlin’s arms to see them smiling. Their eyelashes were long and thick, and their lips looked especially soft in the poorly lit room.

“Yeah. I mean—no, no. I write, but it’s nothing serious. It’s just for fun, just to entertain myself.”

“What sort of things do you write?” Merlin turned on the sofa to face Arthur. They pulled their knees up to their chest, wrapping their arms around their legs.

Arthur licked his lips, very aware of Merlin’s eyes on him. “Historical fiction. I know that doesn’t sound like ‘fun’ writing, but I really like researching and, like, playing around with it.”

“Do you write about certain eras or events or what?”

“No, it’s sort of… well, the, um, the theme, I guess, that I usually work with is gay figures in history. Or historical figures that were supposedly gay. Or, I’ve written a few short stories where I just researched a lot about a specific place and time, and then I just made up some gay characters to sort of explore what it may have been like for them.”

Arthur glanced up at Merlin to gauge his reaction. Merlin was resting their chin on their knees, and their eyes were wide and bright with interest.

“Do you ever publish anything?”

“Oh, no,” Arthur said quickly. “It’s just a hobby.”

“It sounds really good, though. And it’s not like there’s anyone else out there doing that, at least not that I know of. You should look into it,” Merlin said earnestly. “I’d buy your books.”

Arthur laughed. “Thanks. I’ll keep that in mind.”

Silence fell between them, and Arthur drained his wine glass, trying to remember how many drinks he’d had.

“Do you want me to leave?” Merlin asked quietly.

“No,” Arthur answered honestly. “I just… think I’ve had a bit too much wine.”

“Me too,” Merlin said after a moment. “I’ve had a good time, though.”

Arthur nodded, his heart starting to beat a little faster in his chest. He needed to stop this from going any further.

“I should clean up,” he decided, getting to his feet and gathering the empty wine glasses and food cartons from the floor.

“I’ll help,” Merlin offered, scooping up a pile of napkins.

In the kitchen, Arthur placed the glasses into the sink and turned to find Merlin standing right behind him, smiling nervously.

“This is really cliche, but I feel like I’m getting a lot of mixed signals, so I’m just going to go ahead and ask if you’d like to go on a date with me sometime.”

Arthur moved toward the bin to throw away the cartons, trying not to look at the way that hope was already draining from Merlin’s face.

“I would really love that, to be perfectly honest,” he said, attempting to hold Merlin’s gaze but only managing to stare at their throat. “But I can’t.”

Merlin’s expression hardened into a slightly panicked look. “Are you not single?”

“No, I’m always single,” Arthur said bitterly. “I just… Morgana told me… God. This sounds ridiculous, but she asked me not to let this happen,” he explained, gesturing between them. “She seems to be really paranoid about losing another drummer in a bad break up, and we’ve only just started talking again, and I think she’s generally kind of possessive of her bandmates. I don’t think she’s ever forgiven me for sleeping with Mordred, and I really want to fix our relationship, so I just have to respect her wishes.”

Arthur watched the way Merlin’s brow creased until they looked almost laughably confused.

“You slept with Mordred?”

Arthur blinked, realising too late what he’d revealed. “Once, yeah. It was years ago.”

Merlin frowned. “I thought he was straight.”

“Yeah, I don’t think he’d… you know. I think I was his first, um, gay experience,” Arthur muttered. “Please don’t tell him I told you, I don’t think it’s something he wants a lot of people to know. Fuck, this is exactly what I was talking about earlier—this wasn’t mine to share.”

“I won’t tell him,” Merlin said reassuringly. “I was just surprised. And, um…” They gave Arthur a forced smile. “We can just be friends.”

“Okay,” Arthur agreed. “Thank you. I’m really sorry, I just—”

“You don’t have to apologise,” Merlin said, shifting back toward the living room. “I know what Morgana’s like, and she’s your sister.”

Arthur nodded and followed Merlin out of the kitchen, watching them gather their things and prepare to leave.

“Thanks for having me over,” Merlin said as they zipped up their coat. “You should come to mine next time. Freya and I will cook something for you.”

“You live with Freya?” Arthur asked, opening the front door.

Merlin nodded and started to leave, turning back around halfway out of the door. They opened their mouth to say something but, seeing how close they were standing to Arthur, seemed to think better of it. They dropped their gaze to Arthur’s lips, smiled sadly, and gave a small wave as they walked out.

“Goodnight,” Arthur said quietly. He waited until Merlin was at the bottom of the stairs before closing the door and getting ready for bed.

~~~~

Arthur handed out the marked test papers on Monday, and, as he had asked, the girl who had uncharacteristically failed waited behind at the end of class.

“Drea,” he said, smiling pleasantly to let her know he wasn’t going to be harsh. He got up from behind his desk and moved around the front, leaning against the edge. “How are you?”

Drea tucked her mousey dark blonde hair behind her ear and avoided his gaze. “I’m—well, I got your, um… it said to see you?”

She pulled her test out of her bag and handed it to him.

Arthur took a moment to look over her as he took the paper. She looked tired and dishevelled. Her trousers were baggy, like they’d been worn too many times without being washed, and her jumper was almost sad in the way it hung off her shoulders as she slouched.

“What happened?” he asked, holding up the test.

Drea shrugged and gripped the strap of her bag. “I guess I didn’t… study hard enough.”

“Did you read the material?”

She nodded, looking at the paper instead of him.

“Did you take notes in class?”

She nodded again, tightening her grip on the bag.

“Then you should have been more than prepared for the test,” Arthur said flatly. “You’ve done well on all the other tests.”

Drea sighed and stared down at the floor, looking like she wanted to melt into it. “I just had a bad week.”

“Is everything all right?” Arthur asked, keeping his tone neutral. “Anything I can help with?”

Her brow creased, and Arthur waited patiently, trying not to jump to all the worst conclusions.

Finally, she raised her head and looked somewhere near his shoulder. “You… you facilitate the Queer-Straight Alliance, right?”

Arthur nodded, preparing himself.

“I think I might… I just feel… sometimes, um. I don’t really feel like… a girl.”

Arthur blinked. He hadn’t been expecting that. No student had ever come out to him as trans before.

“Is that…” Drea looked back down at the floor. “I know it’s…”

“It’s fine,” Arthur said quickly. “It’s not anything bad, at all.”

Drea’s lips twisted to the side. “I guess.”

“It’s normal,” Arthur said calmly. “And probably more common than you’d think.”

Drea shrugged, finally looking up at him. “I don’t know anyone else who…”

“That doesn’t mean there’s not anyone else out there. I can’t say I know how you feel, but I do know that you’re really not alone. And if you’re looking for resources, I could look into it for you.”

“Maybe.”

“Drea,” Arthur said seriously, “I want to help you in any way that I can. You need to understand that the academics do come first, but if there’s something else that’s preventing you from performing as well as you should be—as well as I know you can—then I’m here to help you with that as well.”

Drea nodded, looking reasonably convinced.

“Have you told anyone else?”

Drea’s face fell again. “I told my sister last week.”

“And?” Arthur asked.

“And she told me it sounded really weird. She said she’d always thought… ‘those people’ were… were freakish.”

“You’re not a freak,” Arthur said, trying to keep his voice steady. “I know everything probably feels strange and really not okay, but I promise you’re not a freak.”

Drea took a deep breath and looked up again, frowning. “I feel like a freak.”

Arthur paused, acknowledging that there was nothing he could say that would be a quick fix.

“Have you ever thought about coming to the Alliance meetings?”

Drea nodded and finally let go of the bag. “Yeah. I just wasn’t sure what when on, and I didn’t know… what people would think of me.”

“You wouldn’t have to tell anyone,” Arthur assured her. “There are students who go that are straight or simply haven’t said one way or the other, and no one really cares that they haven’t. It’s a safe, open space without judgement. No one will assume anything.”

“Maybe. Sometimes I just feel really paranoid.”

“That’s definitely something everyone at the meetings with empathise with. You should come to the one this week, just to try it out.”

Drea shrugged. “Maybe.”

“Will you come?” Arthur pressed. “Please?”

Drea’s lips twitched in a half smile. “Okay.”

Arthur grinned. “Perfect. It’s on Thursday. How about you come here first and I’ll let you re-take the test, and then we can head over to the meeting together. Deal?”

Drea nodded and Arthur held out his hand so they could shake on it.

He gave her back the paper. “Just don’t take advantage of my niceness, all right?”

“All right.”

“All right. Is there something else you’d like me to call you? Besides Drea, I mean.”

Drea blushed, looking flustered. “Oh, I don’t know. I mean, no, um, not yet? I don’t want anyone to hear…”

Arthur nodded. “Right, sorry. Well, I’ll just keep business as usual for now, but if you ever want to be called something else, just let me know. I’ll make sure none of the other kids give you shit for it.”

Drea smirked. “You swore.”

“I know. Don’t tell anyone, though, or I’ll lose my job.”

“No, you won’t.”

“Well, no. I won’t. Just don’t tell.”

Drea gave him a genuine smile and Arthur smiled back. “I won’t tell. I should get home.”

Arthur nodded. “I’ll see you tomorrow, then.”

“Tomorrow.” Drea gave a wave before leaving.

Arthur stared at his empty doorway for a moment, replaying the conversation in his head and hoping he hadn’t said anything wrong. He’d been completely unprepared for that.

He needed to do some research to find proper resources for Drea, start working to make sure that the school had policies in place to protect trans students, and figure out a way to casually introduce trans topics into the discussions at the Alliance meetings.

~~~~

When he got home that night, Arthur checked his mobile, hoping for a 20 Questions text from Merlin but finding a message from Morgana instead.

**From: Morgana  
You should call me sometime**

Unsure if that was code for her needing to talk to him straight away, Arthur phoned her.

“Hello?”

“Hey, I got your text.”

“And you decided to take my advice, it seems.”

“I thought maybe… never mind.” Arthur sighed and rubbed at his eyes. “Um…”

“Do you have time to chat?” Morgana asked after a long pause.

“Yeah,” Arthur said, sitting down on the sofa. “What did you want to chat about?”

“I just want to catch up. Hear about your life.”

“My life hasn’t changed that much,” Arthur admitted. “I’m still teaching the same classes at the same school. I deal with things the best I can.”

“Right. You always were a bit stagnant.”

Morgana was teasing, but her words still stung. They had always been very different, even when they had been closer. Arthur wasn’t the type to get restless or disillusioned, while Morgana never seemed fully satisfied with anything she was doing. There were times when Arthur was unhappy, but he didn’t demand constant and aggressive pursuit of perfection the way Morgana did.

“And you were always quick to criticise,” he said with more bite than he had intended.

“Yes,” Morgana agreed hesitantly but not apologetically. “But we’re forgiving and forgetting, aren’t we?”

“Right. Yes.” Arthur bent down to take off his shoes and toss them toward the door. “What about you, then? Obviously your life has changed since we last spoke.”

“Obviously,” she repeated. There was another long pause. “As soon as we were famous enough, she left me for some wanker with long greasy hair and unfortunate stubble. She’d just been using me, really. The whole time. And now she’s using him, and they’re putting out some shitty pop album about their fantastic love.”

Her voice was sharp and bitter, and Arthur was glad she couldn’t see his guilty expression. He’d felt so smug and self-righteous when he’d deduced she and Morgause had broken up. He hadn’t really thought about how it might have affected Morgana, even when he’d listened to her sad solo album. Somehow, he’d assumed the songs had been an exaggeration of her feelings for the sake of art.

“I’m sorry. I… I know you loved her.”

“Yeah. Well, we all make mistakes.”

“How was your solo tour?” Arthur asked to change the subject.

“Lonely. Recording the album was fun, but I wasn’t that close to anyone I toured with. It made me realise that I’m not meant for solitude. That’s why I got the band back together… and why I got in touch.”

“I’m glad you did,” Arthur said quietly. “It’s nice being able to talk to you again.”

“Same. It’s a relief, actually. This sort of feels the same as it always has, you know? Almost like no time has passed.”

“Almost.”

Morgana sighed and then asked, “Did you enjoy the show?”

“I did, actually. I was expecting it to feel really awkward, but I ended up having a good time.”

“I’m glad.”

“You said you were going to play some more shows?” he prompted when she didn’t say anything else.

“Yeah. Local, to start. We could be playing bigger shows elsewhere, but I think it’s good to build things up again instead of jumping back into the same level of intensity. The band is different now… I’m different now. It’s going to be a bit of an adjustment, and I’d like to do it slowly.”

“You sounded the same to me. Merlin fits in perfectly. They said you found them at a photo shoot.”

“Yeah, a few months ago. I got offered this designer jeans campaign, and they modelled with me. It’s out now, you could probably find pictures online if you have any interest in seeing me topless and pressed up against them.”

“I don’t, funnily enough.”

“I thought not. Anyway, we got to talking, you know, to break the tension of being half naked with each other. They mentioned that they played drums, and they seemed nice, so I invited them to play for us and it ended up working out. Much better than I ever thought it could, to be honest. They’re kind of perfect. They’re doing all our social media right now, and they’re amazing with it. Very candid and silly. It’s great publicity. They’re not even trying, and they’re doing all the right things.”

“They asked me out, you know.” When Morgana didn’t respond, Arthur added, “I said no.”

“Thank you,” she said quietly. “I know they’re cute, but… we had a lot of drummers audition for us, Arthur. They were the only one who was good enough and not a complete wanker. We need them—I need them. Just keep it in your pants, it’s can’t be that difficult.” She sighed and when she spoke again, her voice was teasing. “Besides, I’m sure you have plenty of other prospects.”

“Not particularly,” Arthur said, trying to keep the resentment out of his voice. When she put it like that, it did seem simple. Merlin was just one person, and Arthur could find someone else. “It doesn’t matter. I explained the situation, and we agreed to just to be friends.”

“Thank you,” she said again.

“You’re welcome.” Arthur checked the time on his mobile. “What are you doing right now?”

“I was going to go to the gym, but I’m sitting in front of the telly instead.”

Arthur laughed. “Do you want to come over? I was going to make dinner.”

“Really?” Morgana asked, sounding surprised.

“Yeah. If you aim for about 45 minutes, it might even be ready when you walk in the door.”

“That would be great,” she said earnestly. “I’ll be over soon.”

“See you.” Arthur hung up and went to the kitchen to figure out what he wanted to make.

~~~~

That Friday night, Arthur went over to Lance’s flat to cook him dinner as an apology for not inviting him to the Ben and the Franklins concert the week before. Lance had looked almost hilariously devastated when he’d found out that everyone else had gone to the show without him, but he agreed to Arthur’s apology, if only because Arthur offered to make lasagna.

“To be honest, I thought you meant you’d heat up frozen lasagna,” Lance said from where he was sat on a barstool, watching Arthur spread out all the ingredients on the counter. “I didn’t realise you were this skilled in the kitchen.”

“I learned to cook at a very young age,” Arthur said, checking the recipe on the laptop he had perched on top of the microwave. “It was either that or fight Morgana for her cheese sandwiches.”

“It’s still weird to me that you’ve had a secret sister this whole time.”

Arthur nodded and pulled up Ben and the Franklin’s Twitter account on his laptop. There were a few new tweets since he’d last checked before leaving the school. One was a reminder of the next night’s show, one was a reply to a fan’s question about Merlin’s drum kit, and one was a picture of what Arthur was pretty sure was Mordred’s hairline.

“Did your father really never cook for you?” Lance asked, bringing Arthur back to the conversation.

“Cooking was never his strong point.” Arthur said, turning back to the stove and getting to work. “He was very talented at ordering in, but only when he remembered.” Lance didn’t respond, and Arthur let the unasked questions hang in the air for a few minutes while he concentrated on sautéing some vegetables. “I went to see him this week,” he finally said when the oven beeped to signify it had reached the desired temperature. “One of my students… well. I just wanted to check with him about implementing some new policies, and he was…”

“Was it really bad?”

“I mean, he wasn’t falling over or anything, but he was clearly drunk.” Arthur poked at the vegetables in the frying pan with a wooden spoon and sighed. “He didn’t used to drink this much during school hours.”

“I know I’ve said this before, and I know it doesn’t actually make it any better, but I honestly didn’t know that this was a problem until you told me. I’m sure by now I must have interacted with him while he’s been drunk, but I’ve never been able to tell. I think you’re just more sensitive to it because you know him so much better than the rest of the staff does.”

Arthur nodded. “I know. I know, I know. Like I said, it’s not like he gets sloppy with it, at least not at work. And it’s… you’re right, I don’t think most other people even have an inkling. It’s not a dire situation.”

“It’s still shitty, and I know it’s still a problem, but I do think you’ll be able to keep handling this without ruining your family’s reputation.”

Arthur smiled at Lance over his shoulder. “Thanks. Some days it doesn’t feel like that, so I appreciate the vote of confidence.”

Lance nodded and excused himself for a moment. Arthur turned back to the stove and added the pasta to a pot of boiling water. His stomach was already rumbling from the smells of the vegetables and the cheese sauce.

When Lance came back, he was typing on his mobile, a soft smile on his face.

“Texting anyone special?” Arthur teased.

Lance schooled his features quickly. “Just Gwen. She says you should make me homemade ice cream on her behalf, as part of the food apology.”

Arthur rolled his eyes. “That’s not going to happen.”

“I figured.”

Arthur watched Lance put away his mobile, trying to read his face. “You still fancy her, don’t you?”

“No,” Lance said too quickly. “No.”

Arthur frowned and turned away to stir the pasta. When Lance had first started working with them, he’d fallen for Gwen almost immediately. Gwen hadn’t noticed at all, which left Arthur to try to make subtle remarks about Gwen’s interests. Lance had been blissfully obviously until Gwen finally realised what was going on and let him down as gently as she could.

“‘Fancy’ is a strong word,” Lance said a moment later. “It comes and goes. She’s just… if it weren’t for the fact that she has no interest in cock, she’d be… ideal.”

“She’s pretty great,” Arthur agreed. “But, like you said, she has zero interest in your bits.”

“Well, I can’t blame her there,” Lance joked. “My bits are pretty unappealing.”

“I can say with complete sincerity that your bits are definitely appealing. If you were gay, we’d have a problem. But you’re not, so I’m not going to waste my time with you, and you shouldn’t waste yours with Gwen. Can’t you find another girl? One that’s actually interested in seeing you naked?”

“I’m really bad at that,” Lance admitted, blushing slightly. “I’m too shy.”

“Girls love shy guys,” Arthur said dismissively. “You just need to get out more.”

“Well, maybe if you invited me to certain concerts, I would get out more.”

“Touché. But that’s why I’m making you this lasagna, and that’s what we’re going to change in the future. I’ll let you know next time I go to one of their shows.”

“You’d better.” Lance said with as much of a threat in his voice as he could manage.

“God, you’re adorable,” Arthur said as he drained the pasta. “It’s going to be so easy to get you laid.”

Lance spluttered in protest, but Arthur ignored him, laid out all the ingredients in a dish, and slipped the lasagna into the oven.

~~~~

To Morgana’s delight, Arthur and Gwen came to the band’s show that Saturday as well. It was at a small venue, but the band was starting to pick back up in popularity after their hiatus, so this show was even more crowded than the last. And it went even better. The songs were tighter, the sound mix was more polished, the lights were well timed. Despite the small space, it almost felt like they were back on a big stage with a big production.

Morgana hugged both Arthur and Gwen when they managed to get backstage. Gwen was wearing another delightful dress, low-cut and lacy, and Morgana couldn’t help but wonder if all the effort was for her benefit. She certainly hoped it was.

For her part, Morgana was just wearing a pair of baggy jeans with the cuffs rolled up and a cardigan over a cami. It was comfortable, but she knew she looked like a slouch compared to the dolled-up Gwen.

“Your show was really excellent,” Gwen said, and Morgana could tell she really believed it. Gwen was still buzzing with excitement. She was smiling non-stop, and her eyes were bright, and there was a sort of energy around her like she’d just had the best evening.

Morgana wanted to drink that energy in. “Thank you,” she said. “Can I get you a drink?”

Gwen nodded, and the two of them abandoned Arthur to go see what was available. When Morgana looked over her shoulder, Merlin had already swooped in to talk to him.

“I’m glad you came back,” Morgana said as she picked out her beer. “I was hoping to see you again.”

When she looked back up, Gwen was biting down a smile and practically vibrating with pleasure.

“Do you want to come see my dressing room?” Morgana asked, figuring she might as well make her move. “Might be a little more quiet in there.”

“Sure,” Gwen said eagerly.

Morgana led her out of the green room, down a short hallway, and into the small dressing room. Morgana sat at the chair in front of the mirror, and Gwen took the loveseat against the far wall. She looked around, admiring the room, and Morgana admired her in return. Her short, curly hair framed her face perfectly, showing off her jawline as well as her cheekbones. She was so pretty and so happy, and Morgana was a goner.

“How was your week at school?” she asked.

“It was fine,” Gwen said. “It was the usual. This is definitely the highlight of my week.”

“Mine too,” Morgana said. “Although, this week was pretty good. We’re recording a new album.”

“Oh?” Gwen’s face lit up. “That’s so exciting, I can’t wait to hear it. I’d love to have some new songs to listen to. My playlists are getting a bit out of date.”

“Playlists?” Morgana asked.

Gwen shrugged. “Just songs I listen to while I do my marking or shopping or cooking or… anything, really.”

“Can I see them?”

Looking pleased, Gwen took out her mobile, and Morgana sat next to her on the loveseat.

“They’re nothing special,” Gwen said as she opened her music app. Morgana immediately saw that Ben and the Franklins were her top artist. She handed her mobile over, and Morgana stared down at the list of playlists.

Most of them were titled something like ‘Lesbian Playlist #4’, which Morgana found endearing and deeply amusing. She scrolled through some of them, noting whenever one of her own songs appeared. There was one playlist that had the entirety of her solo album on it, mixed in with a few songs by actual lesbian musicians.

She found a playlist that looked promising with slow and romantic songs on it, and she hit ‘shuffle’ so it would start playing a random selection.

The music filled the small room, and Morgana eyed the lines of Gwen’s profile and watched Gwen’s chest rise and fall with her breath.

Gwen turned to look at Morgana, and Morgana offered a smile before leaning in and—

Someone knocked, startling them both.

Arthur opened the door and stuck his head in. “I’m heading out. Do you want to come?” he asked Gwen.

Gwen shook her head. Arthur looked between her and Morgana, and Morgana pulled a face at him.

“Just don’t… whatever. Good riddance.” Arthur closed the door, and Morgana exhaled.

“Don’t mind him,” she said. “He’s an idiot.”

Gwen gave a tight-lipped smile, her body tense and her fingers clenched around her mobile.

“Do you want to get back to the green room?” Morgana asked quietly.

Gwen shrugged but stood, closing out of her music app and leaving them in silence. Morgana got off the loveseat as well, standing behind Gwen and waiting for her to open the door.

Gwen’s hand moved to the doorknob, but she didn’t turn it. She glanced over her shoulder. “I just…”

Morgana put her hand on the small of Gwen’s back, and Gwen’s breath hitched at the touch. “Or we could stay,” Morgana said, her voice barely a whisper.

Gwen nodded and dropped her hand, turning around and leaning in, meeting Morgana for a kiss. Her lips were warm, soft and perfect, and Morgana cupped her face.

When they broke apart, Gwen’s breath was hot against Morgana’s skin. Morgana pressed her against the door and went in for another kiss before she could say anything. Gwen arched off the door, chasing after the kiss, and Morgana let her have it. She held Gwen in place, getting her hands on Gwen’s hips and her tongue in Gwen’s mouth.

Gwen tangled one hand in Morgana’s hair and brushed her other thumb just lightly across Morgana’s breast, skin dragging over her nipple, and Morgana gasped. Gwen did it again, and Morgana reached down, grabbing hold of Gwen’s arse and guiding one leg around her own waist. She ducked down to kiss Gwen’s neck, and Gwen’s shallow breathing filled the room until it was all Morgana could hear.

She licked up to Gwen’s ear. “Gwen?”

“Yes.”

“Sofa?”

“Yes, please.”

Morgana took Gwen’s hand in hers and led her over to the loveseat, where she lay down and pulled Gwen on top of her. Gwen rocked against her, their hips moving together, and leaned down for a bruising kiss. Morgana got her hands on Gwen’s arse, and Gwen got one hand back on Morgana’s breasts, and Morgana moaned into the kiss.

The moan seemed to spur Gwen on because she ducked down, mouthing Morgana’s nipple through her clothes. Morgana hurried to pull up her shirt, exposing her chest, and Gwen licked across her nipple. Morgana grasped at Gwen’s hair and closed her eyes, imagining Gwen kissing down her stomach, pulling off the rest of her clothes, and getting that tongue between her legs.

“Hey!” Someone knocked the door— _again_ —and Gwen went rigid.

“I’m changing!” Morgana called out, her voice a little hoarse.

“I think they want us to leave.” It was Aglain.

“Okay, I’ll be right out!” Morgana sighed and dropped her hands to Gwen’s back. “Well, fuck.”

Gwen chuckled, sitting up and pulling Morgana’s shirt back down. They looked at each other for a moment, and then Morgana pulled Gwen down for a sloppy kiss.

“Sorry about this,” she said.

“No worries. Probably for the best. I was getting a bit carried away.”

“I didn’t mind.”

Gwen smiled and licked across Morgana’s lower lip. “We can always pick this up another time.”

“I’m definitely going to need your number.”

Gwen stood and held out her hands to help Morgana off the loveseat. Morgana took out her mobile and added Gwen’s number, sending her a quick text of a smiling emoji.

“You good to get home?” she asked.

Gwen nodded. “You?”

“Think I’ll see if Aglain fancies giving me a ride. I think he owes it to me for so rudely interrupting us.”

Gwen smiled shyly, and Morgana went in for one last kiss. “I’ll text you.”

Gwen nodded, and they went back out to the green room.

~~~~

Arthur ended up going to every Ben and the Franklins show over the next few weeks, always with Gwen and sometimes with Lance or Leon and Mithian. He saw at least one of his students at most of the shows—even the ones with age restrictions—and was careful to give them a wide berth.

Other than the ever-increasing chance of running into students outside of school and being forced to suffer through awkward conversations, Arthur enjoyed the concerts. He liked Morgana’s music, and he liked the opportunity to be out, to be social, to feel less like a hermit than he usually did.

What he didn’t enjoy was the fact that he always got dragged backstage afterward, no matter how much he protested or tried to tell Morgana and Gwen he was going straight home.

They never listened, and he always found himself being the third wheel to their flirtatious conversations. The only reprieve he got was when they found some excuse to go off alone and do God knows what, and then he would be stuck with Merlin instead.

For their part, Merlin seemed to be staying true to the idea of being ‘just friends’. They hadn’t brought up the subject or made any more moves, although the flirting hadn’t really stopped either. Arthur knew he was just as guilty, so he couldn’t resent them. He enjoyed Merlin’s company and sense and humour, and sometimes it was just too much to ask to hold back and not tease them, or not smile a lot, or not put his hand on their arm for no particular reason.

Sometimes, when they were both uselessly drunk and left to their own devices without Morgana or Gwen supervising them, Arthur’s hand would land on Merlin’s neck or thigh instead. After a few of these illicit touches, Merlin would give Arthur such a long, heated look that Arthur would have to excuse himself and walk away to prevent anything else from happening.

It was a vicious cycle.

Morgana stayed purposefully ignorant of the tension between her drummer and her brother, only ever acknowledging what was going on by giving Arthur a stern look whenever he and Merlin went for one of their post-show walks. She never asked, but Arthur was always ready to defend himself and explain that nothing ever happened. All they ever did was chat and play more infuriating rounds of 20 Questions.

And they learned about each other. Arthur learned that, until recently, Merlin had been making most of their money from modelling because none of their previous bands had been successful. He learned that Merlin was from Denmark originally but had moved around a lot growing up and had spent significant time in other northern European countries.

He learned that Finnish didn't have gendered pronouns and how much Merlin had appreciated that during their time in Finland. He learned that Merlin considered themself genderqueer and that, with the English language, they actually felt comfortable with any pronouns but used they/them to keep it simple.

He learned that Merlin’s mother, Hunith, had raised them by herself, and it was clear that they were close. Arthur didn’t ask, but he assumed it was because Merlin hadn’t had much time to develop many long-term friendships when they were moving around so much as a child.

Hunith was also a musician, and she had been a member of a number of touring orchestras over the years. Arthur couldn’t think of many things less boring than playing the cello all day every day, but Merlin was clearly so proud of their mother’s talent that Arthur couldn’t bring himself to crack any jokes.

“She’s been in Japan for over a year,” Merlin explained halfway through their walk one Friday night, gesturing to Arthur that they should turn back toward the concert venue. “I think she’s finally tired of travelling and is trying to figure out how settle down somewhere. Why Japan, I’ll never know, but she seems to love it.”

“Have you visited her?” Arthur asked, following Merlin back in the direction they’d come.

“No. I haven’t had the time. Or the money. She came here a few months ago for my birthday, but that’s the only time I’d seen her in, like… fuck, in about three years.”

“Do you miss her?” Arthur asked pointlessly. He could heart it in Merlin’s voice.

“You have no idea,” Merlin said quietly.

Arthur nodded, his heart clenching a little at the thought that he really did have no idea. He was pretty sure that if Uther up and left for Japan one day, he would feel more relief than anything else.

“What about you?” Merlin asked, pulling Arthur out of his thoughts. “It’s just your dad, right?”

“Right. Has Morgana told you anything about him?”

“Just that she has a difficult relationship with him. She didn’t go into any more detail than that.”

Arthur nodded, stuffing his hands into his pockets. “Well, that’s certainly true. For both of us, really. He’s not an easy man to deal with.”

“Isn’t he your boss as well?”

“Yeah. That makes it all the more fun.”

“What’s—I mean, is he just really stern, or… or what?”

Arthur sighed and stared ahead even though he could feel Merlin’s eyes on him. “He’s… he drinks. Lately he’s been drinking more at school, and it’s becoming a problem. It’s a problem that he’s supposed to be supervising the staff and working with _kids_ and making decisions, and he’s just not equipped for it. I don’t get paid enough to cover up his messes all the time, and I’m getting so… he just needs to retire. He’s not going to stop drinking, so he needs to stop working before he embarrasses himself and gets sacked.”

Arthur took a deep breath and glanced over at Merlin, whose eyes were wide.

“Sorry,” Arthur said quickly. “I don’t usually talk about it. I didn’t realise I was going to spew out all of that.”

“It’s all right. I just had no idea. I’m sorry. That sounds really difficult.”

Arthur laughed bitterly. “That’s one way of putting it.”

“Did you want to work at his school?”

“It’s a very good school,” Arthur said dully. “I used to work at a much worse school. In terms of the neighbourhood and the resources or whatever. Like, at least those kids needed me, you know? The ones at my dad’s school have a lot.”

“Do you miss it?”

“Yes,” Arthur said. He’d never admitted that to anyone. “I knew I was making a difference, you know? I mean, I’m making a difference at Albion. Just not really in the classroom.”

“What does that mean?”

“I run a few extracurricular activities. Model UN and the Queer-Straight Alliance.”

“Queer-Straight Alliance?” Merlin asked, eyebrows raised.

“Yeah. It sort of started before I got there,” Arthur explained. “A few students were stealthily meeting at a coffee shop to talk about how shitty it is to be gay teenagers. I found out about it and asked if they’d like to make it an official school club. I had to fight a lot with my dad, and he put them through a heap of bureaucratic shit, but eventually we managed it. It’s good. Now they can actually get the support they need from within the school. Gwen and I help to run the meetings every week… sometimes Leon, too.”

“Is Leon bisexual? Or, sorry, I forgot you don’t out other people. Which I totally respect, by the way,” Merlin added hastily. “It’s much preferable to gossip… even though I obviously love to gossip.”

Arthur laughed. “It’s fine. Sometimes I’m too uptight about it, especially about my friends. It’s just a habit I adopted to protect the students. Leon’s straight, but he’s been my mate since we were really young, and he’s always been really supportive. I think it’s nice for the kids to see that they have straight teachers on their side as well… although, yeah, I’m pretty sure there’s a lot of gossip about exactly what Leon’s orientation is.”

“Probably,” Merlin agreed. “That’s really nice of him, anyway. And nice of you and Gwen. I’m sure it does a lot of good for the students. I like that it’s the Queer-Straight Alliance instead of the Gay-Straight Alliance. I mean, maybe it’s a subtle difference, but it’s a good one.”

“That was a major fight with my dad,” Arthur said, unable to stop himself from bringing Uther up again.

“Why?”

“Because he’s a bigot,” Arthur said simply. “You’ve no idea that shit I’ve heard him say about me and Morgana over the years.”

“I’m sorry.”

“It’s fine,” Arthur said numbly. “I’ll stop talking about him.”

“You don’t have to.”

“I want too.” Arthur cleared his throat. “Anything exciting going on in your life?”

“That’s a broad question,” Merlin teased. “But, yeah, sure. I have a show next week with one of my side projects.”

“How many side projects do you have?”

“Just two. A ukulele duo and a sort of punk band.”

“Ukulele and drums?” Arthur asked, pulling a face.

Merlin laughed. “No, I play the ukulele, too. I play a couple of things, really, but drums have always been my favourite. My mum put me in drumming lessons when I was little because I was always banging on things, trying to get attention.”

“That’s a pretty accurate description of what you’re doing now,” Arthur pointed out. “Banging on things, trying to get attention… I mean, you’re clearly trying to outdo Morgana.”

“Don’t even joke,” Merlin said, their attempt at a stern tone ruined by their laughter. “Morgana’s need to be front and centre is kind of alarming.”

“Believe me, I know. Which of your side projects has the show next week?”

“The punk one,” Merlin said, waggling their eyebrows. “You’re welcome to come, if you like. I think Mordred might be going.”

“Maybe, yeah. Do you use your real name with the other bands? Aren’t you a huge liability to Morgana’s diametrically opposed privacy/publicity campaign?”

“Not even a little bit. My side projects are extremely small. Like, living room shows small.”

“You’re playing punk in a living room?”

“Well, a basement, actually, but it’s a small one.”

“In that case—no offence, but basement punk shows aren’t really my scene.”

Merlin burst out laughing. “That was maybe the least necessary thing anyone’s ever said. I can barely imagine how out of place you’d look.”

“Then why did you invite me?” Arthur pouted, trying not to feel too offended.

“To be polite! How about instead of you coming to the punk show, you come over to mine and Freya’s next weekend and we’ll play, like… Settlers of Catan. Does that sound more appealing?”

“Yes,” Arthur said defensively, sure that Merlin was still taking the piss.

Merlin clapped their hands together. “Excellent. I’ll invite the band, and you can bring Gwen or whoever else wants to come.”

“Gwen will obviously want to come.”

“Right, of course. I’ll be sure to provide the dental dams.”

“Don’t encourage them,” Arthur said flatly as they finally reached the back door to the venue.

“I don’t know why you’re so against them being together. They’re sweet.”

“It’s not fair,” Arthur said before he could stop himself.

Merlin paused, their hand on the door. They gave Arthur a long look, and Arthur turned away.

“No, it’s not,” Merlin agreed quietly.

They opened the door and went inside. Arthur followed a few steps behind, immediately found Gwen, and told her that it was time for them to go home.

~~~~

Arthur spent most of the following week daydreaming about all the things he was going to accomplish during the winter holiday. It was still a week and a half away, but he was feeling drained and very ready for a few days to himself.

More than once, he caught himself thinking about taking Merlin to dinner at some small, dimly-lit romantic restaurant where they could talk without being intoxicated and without aimlessly wandering about various parts of the city.

He was starting to get annoyed at how everyone around seemed to be dating while he was forced to stay platonic with someone he genuinely liked and wanted to date, someone who seemed to want to date him just as much. He was getting antsy and, frankly, horny. It had been a few months since he’d got off with anyone, and he was starting to feel a little pathetic about how much he couldn’t stop thinking about sex.

Leon, who was usually just as permanently single as Arthur, was no help at all. He was always _smiling_ and bringing Mithian to Morgana’s shows and generally being a happy, satisfied person.

Gwen was no help, either. Her plans to seduce Morgana had been more than successful, and Arthur was pretty sure they were doing some scandalous semi-public things when they disappeared together after Morgana’s shows. Thankfully neither of them had enlightened him to the details, so he tried not to think about it too much.

Even Lance, who had been single as long as Arthur had known him, was more optimistic about his love life than Arthur had ever seen. He kept getting chatted up by random girls during the concerts or by the sickeningly sweet and shy Freya afterward.

Arthur was starting to regret inviting Lance with him to the game night at Merlin and Freya’s. He knew Gwen and Morgana would be there, and he had hoped that Lance would act as a buffer between him and Merlin or at least be there to remind him that being singe wasn’t so bad. But Lance’s face had lit up as soon as he’d mentioned that they’d be going to Merlin and _Freya’s_ , and now Arthur was wishing the whole thing would just get cancelled.

By the time Thursday rolled around, he was more than ready for the weekly Queer-Straight Alliance meeting. The QSA always helped him relax and lighten up. The students were bright and passionate, and he really enjoyed listening to them try to cheer each other up or debate equal rights and queer viability in the media. The meetings usually restored his faith in the student body, which always dwindled toward the end of the week when they all got distracted by their upcoming weekends of freedom.

When he reached the library, most of the usual attendees were already there, as well as Drea, who Arthur was pleased to see had come back for a second meeting. Drea was sitting with Daegal, a quiet boy who Arthur knew was straight but being raised by a lesbian couple. They were laughing about sometime, and Arthur smiled to himself. Drea’s marks had picked back up, but Arthur still worried more than he usually did about his students, so he was relieved to see Drea socialising with friends, having a good time, and acting like a typical teenager.

“I brought you some coffee,” Gwen said, appearing at his side.

Arthur resisted the urge to hug her in front of their students and settled for taking the warm cup she offered. “You’re a hero,” he said seriously.

Gwen shrugged happily and went to try to get the meeting started. Arthur did a quick headcount and stepped back into the hallway to order the club’s usual pizza delivery.

He loitered in the hall for a minute after his call, scrolling through his mobile and re-reading his most recent game of 20 Questions with Merlin. Merlin’s latest text had asked if Arthur was thinking about something related to US politics.

_**To: Merlin  
No but you’re getting closer** _

Arthur considered waiting until Merlin responded before returning to the meeting, but he couldn’t justify it, so he settled for briefly checking the band’s Twitter account. The only new tweet was a picture of Merlin and Morgana standing awkwardly in front of a bare stretch of brick wall and making distressed faces. They were both so lanky, even though Merlin was several inches taller, and it was obvious why they had both modelled in the past, despite their ridiculous expressions.

When he went back into the library, Gwen already had the students sitting in a circle, so he pulled up another chair as quietly as he could and settled directly opposite her, trying not to interrupt the conversation.

“It’s just not anyone’s first assumption. _Ever_ ,” Morris, one of the older students, was saying. “Like, I was talking to someone else who’s bisexual, and I still had to be ridiculously explicit when I came out to her, even though I’d been making comments about men _and_ women for weeks before then. It’s like, yeah, bisexuality is included in the LGBTQ acronym, but it’s definitely the bastard middle child that no one pays any attention to.”

Daegal, who was usually a silent observer during the more focused discussions, chimed in before anyone else did. “I don’t think that’s a very good analogy. Like, according to that, the T and the Q would be the youngest children that get all the attention, but I think everyone in this room can acknowledge that transgender issues rarely get mainstream attention.”

There were a few murmurs of general agreement from the rest of the students. Arthur glanced around, careful not to stare too long at anyone in particular. He was pleasantly surprised to see Drea blushing and giving Daegal a meaningful look, certain that meant that Daegal knew what was going on and had actually made a point of bringing it up to the group.

“That’s a very good point,” Arthur said, nodding at Daegal. “A lot of laws that are written to protect gay men and women end up including bisexuals, if only on a technicality or by default or by accident, even. But there are far fewer policies in place for the trans community, regardless of how much people push for it. I would argue it’s a more complicated issue than bisexuality, which, yes, is still very misunderstood and underrepresented.”

Arthur chanced a glance at Drea, whose expression was hard to read.

“I think we need to be careful about making assumptions of other people’s experiences,” Gwen said.

Arthur could tell she was gearing up to move the discussion onto something she thought might be more relevant to the particular students present, but then Drea spoke up.

“Well, I… I think I can speak on behalf of, um… of both of those groups, and I don’t think they’re comparable. It’s apples and oranges, you know? My interest in both boys and girls is fairly unrelated to the fact that I’m… that I’m trans.”

Arthur watched as Drea looked to Daegal, received a small nod a smile of approval, and then grinned. He let out the breath he’d been holding and gave Drea a wide smile.

He listened, ready to step in if necessary, as a few of the more outgoing students asked Drea some cautious questions, but by the time the pizza arrived the conversation had moved on, and Drea was looking happier and more relaxed than Arthur had ever seen.

~~~~

The next night, Arthur rode his bike over to Merlin and Freya’s flat. Mordred answered the door in what looked suspiciously like his pyjamas.

“You don’t live here, do you?” Arthur asked, sure that Merlin would have mentioned it.

“Sometimes,” Mordred said, letting Arthur in. “I’m between here and my girlfriend’s flat.”

“Girlfriend?” Arthur glanced around for Merlin or Freya, but he and Mordred were the only ones in the living room.

“Yeah, she’s—”

“Sorry,” Merlin said, rushing into the living room. “I was just finishing up an email to my mum. Where’s Gwen?”

“She’s on her way,” Arthur said, eyeing Merlin’s long, lean body. They were wearing the most flamboyant outfit Arthur had seen since the first night they’d met, and Arthur was pretty sure he wouldn’t normally be into it, but Merlin looked so comfortable and confident that it worked. They were wearing a long, sleeveless, brightly coloured floral tunic that fit tight across their chest and then flowed loosely down over a pair of black leggings.

It still looked as if Merlin was stealing clothes from Morgana, or possibly Freya, but Arthur found that he didn’t mind the aesthetic. He wasn’t even questioning it. He actually especially liked that the tunic was sleeveless, putting Merlin’s arm tattoos on full display.

Merlin flopped down on the sofa and gestured for Arthur to join them.

“I have my winning guess,” they said as Arthur sat down. “Are you thinking about the misrepresentation of Greenland’s size in certain map projections?”

“You two are disgusting,” Mordred said flatly before going into the kitchen.

“Am I right?” Merlin asked, ignoring Mordred’s retreat.

Arthur shook his head. “I quit. You are inhumanly good at guessing aggressively esoteric shit.”

“Don’t quit,” Merlin said, trying to pout even though they were smiling over their win. “That was a really, really good one! It took me, what, three days?”

“It should have taken you three decades,” Arthur mumbled. “All right, it’s your turn to think of something ridiculous.”

“I’m ready.”

“Does it have anything to do with Jacques Cousteau?”

Merlin snorted with laughter. “See, you’re good at this, too.”

“So it does have something to do with Jacques Cousteau?”

“No, but that was still a good first guess.”

Arthur signed in mock frustration and tried to come up with another guess that was obscure enough to either be funny or possibly close to what Merlin was actually thinking of.

The doorbell rang before he could think of anything, and Merlin sprang up to let Gwen in.

“You look fabulous in leggings,” Gwen said by way of greeting.

Merlin beamed. “Thanks! Come in, come in.” They closed the door behind her and called out for Freya. “She made some sort of risotto for us.”

“Sounds delicious.” Gwen glanced around, her eyes sweeping past Arthur who was still on the sofa. “Is it just us?”

“Morgana’s on her way,” Merlin said teasingly.

“Lance, too. And Mordred’s here,” Arthur added. “Is Gilli coming as well?”

Merlin shrugged. “I invited him, but he didn’t respond. He’s much more anti-social than the rest of us.”

Freya waved as she passed through the living room on her way to the kitchen.

Gwen waved back and then, when Freya was safely out of sight, grinned mischievously. “So, what’s the plan to get her and Lance together?” she asked in a low voice.

“Can we not?” Arthur asked with a groan.

“Ignore him.” Gwen said, turning to Merlin. “He’s an international buzzkill.”

“We’re not buzzed,” Arthur pointed out.

“I can fix that,” Merlin offered before slipping into the kitchen.

“Why’re you so grumpy already?” Gwen asked, plopping down on the sofa next to Arthur.

“I’m not grumpy,” Arthur liked. “I just… please don’t take away my last single friend.”

Gwen rolled her eyes. “Don’t be selfish. Besides, Merlin’s single.”

Arthur shook his head. “Never mind.”

Gwen studied him carefully, and Arthur turned away, looking at the coasters spread out on the coffee table.

“When was the last time you had sex?” she asked, sounding more concerned than Arthur thought was necessary.

“That’s none of your business.”

“It is if you’re going to be this much of a bitch about it.”

“I’m not—” Arthur sighed and rubbed at his eyes. “I’m sorry. I’m just feeling very bitter.”

“Is it worth it?”

“What?”

“Is it worth it?” Gwen repeated. “Is not being with Merlin worth having a good relationship with your sister?”

Arthur sighed again. “She told you about that?”

“Yes. And I’m not asking if it’s fair. I’m asking if it’s worth it.”

“You don’t have to be all philosophical about it.”

Gwen smirked and pressed a kiss to Arthur’s cheek. “You’ll find someone.”

“Coming from you, that sounds more like a threat than a promise.”

Gwen laughed and leaned her head on Arthur’s shoulder, sinking into the sofa. Arthur tilted his head towards hers and reached over the play with the hem on her lacy dress.

“How are things with Morgana?” he asked. He’d been avoiding the topic out of resentment.

“Good. She’s very passionate.”

“That’s not a level of detail I need.”

“I don’t mean it like _that_ ,” Gwen said, laughing. “I mean about everything. She’s passionate about her music and her family and her friends. She feels everything very intensely. It’s kind of lovely.”

Arthur groaned and pretended to vomit. Gwen just laughed again.

Eventually Merlin came back out of the kitchen with three beer bottle and passed two of them to Arthur and Gwen.

“You two are adorable,” they said when Arthur and Gwen didn’t bother to move away from each other.

Arthur’s mobile buzzed in his pocket, and he pulled it out to find a text from Lance.

“Speaking of adorable, Lance is here.”

“Is he coming up?” Merlin asked.

Arthur shrugged. “He says he’s outside.”

“I’ll send Freya down for him,” Merlin said, waggling his eyebrows.

They went back to the kitchen, and a moment later Freya came out, blushing. She avoided looking at Arthur or Gwen as she left their flat to go get Lance.

“We might have to do teams for Settlers of Catan,” Merlin said as they came back out. “How many people do we have?”

Arthur counted in his head. “Seven.”

“Kara’s coming, too, so that’ll make eight,” Merlin said to himself. “Hm, yeah. We’ll need teams.”

“Who’s Kara?” Arthur asked.

“Mordred’s girlfriend.”

“Couples games!” Gwen said excitedly. She realised her mistake a second later and pulled a distressed face. “Sorry, no, um, boys against girls? Wait, no.”

“We’ll figure something out,” Merlin said.

They sat in an awkward silence, Arthur searching unsuccessfully for a safe topic of conversation, until Freya came back with both Lance and Morgana.

“I brought Truth or Dare Jenga!” Morgana announced happily.

Arthur groaned, but everyone else seemed excited, especially Gwen. She got up to give Morgana a kiss, and Arthur looked up at the ceiling to take a deep breath and prepare himself for what was likely to be a rough evening. When he looked down again, Merlin was mouthing ‘sorry’ at him. Arthur forced himself to smile in response.

Mordred finally reappeared from the kitchen, carrying a large dish and setting it down on the coffee table. The risotto had Arthur’s mouth watering, and he dug in just as quickly as everyone else, his bad mood forgotten.

By the time Mordred’s girlfriend showed up, the last of the risotto was being eaten and most of the group was working on their second or third beers. Arthur recognised Kara as someone he’d seen backstage at shows on occasion, but they’d never spoken. Mordred did a quick round of introductions, and Kara gave Arthur such a dirty look that he could tell she also hadn’t known who he was until just then and also that Mordred must have told her about their one night together.

“Is everyone here?” Morgana asked, stacking a few empty bowls together to clear room on the coffee table. There was a general murmur of agreement, so she dug through her bag and pulled out her box of Truth or Dare Jenga.

“We’re not actually playing this, are we?” Arthur asked, his heart sinking. “Are we really that childish?”

“Yes,” several people answered at once.

Arthur wondered how much trouble he would get into if he tried to leave, but he failed to come up with a good enough excuse before Morgana had finished setting up the game.

Merlin and Freya cleared away the rest of the dishes, and Arthur watched helplessly as everyone gathered around the table. He wondered how embarrassing this whole thing was going to be.

“Who wants to go first?” Morgana asked, settling the last block in place.

“Me!” Merlin volunteered enthusiastically. They eyed the tower before carefully pulling out the middle block from the very bottom row and reading what was written on its side. “Dare: mime your worst ever date.”

Everyone laughed, and Merlin got gamely to their feet, looking pensive. After a moment, they pointed to themself and then to the empty space next to them, indicating their date. They mimed having breasts to show that their date had been a woman.

Arthur took a drink of his beer, watching Merlin and listening to the others shouting out their actions as if they were playing charades.

“You had dinner!” Mordred exclaimed as Merlin acted out burning their tongue on some soup.

“You got massively drunk?” Morgana guessed as Merlin pretended to knock back several shots.

Merlin nodded and pointed at their watch to signify that a few hours had passed. They mimed fucking their date from behind and up against a wall, massaging her invisible breasts and throwing their head back in mock ecstasy.

Then, they stepped forward a few inches to show that they were miming as the date now. They pretended to be fucked for a few seconds before leaning forward and making a fake retching noise.

Arthur laughed with everyone else as Merlin took a bow and sat down with a wide grin on their face.

“That didn’t really happen, did it?” Gwen asked, wincing.

“Unfortunately, it did. I actually…” Merlin paused, licking their lips. “I’d actually started to come before she puked, and there really wasn’t anything I could to do to stop either one from happening.”

The laughter around the table doubled, and Merlin looked both pleased by their entertainment skills and grossed out by the memory.

“Okay, okay,” Morgana said once the hysteria had died down. “Who’s next?”

“I’ll go,” Freya offered, leaning close to the tower. She pulled another middle block out for a few rows above the bottom and read it. “Truth: what colour underwear are you wearing right now?”

“That’s so not fair!” Merlin protested before she could answer the question. “That’s way more tame than mine was.”

“Yours was only naughty because it involved sex.” Lance pointed out. “Not all bad dates do.”

“And I’m not even wearing underwear,” Freya said, smiling, “so it’s at least a little naughty.”

“You’re wearing a dress,” Gwen pointed out, sounding appreciative but looking scandalised.

“Yeah, but it’s ankle-length!” Freya kicked her feet to demonstrate that her bits were well hidden.

Arthur watched as Lance turned red.

“My turn,” Mordred decided, grabbing a block from the side of the tower without much finesse. “Truth: what is the most scandalous thing you’ve done in public? Well, I—”

Mordred cut himself off and glanced briefly at Arthur, who immediately blushed. His short-lived fling with Mordred had started out with an afternoon hand job in Uther’s garden, completely visible to any neighbour who may have looked out a window or come outside. The risk had turned them both on so much that they had moved up to Arthur’s old bedroom and not come up for air until the next morning.

Kara was sitting next to Mordred, looking furious as he considered his answer.

“I got a hand job once,” Mordred said, his cheeks pink.

Morgana snorted loudly, but Mordred shot her such a deadly look that she kept quiet.

Gwen reached out without saying anything and pulled out the other outside block from the same row as Mordred. “Truth: do you spit or swallow. What the fuck?”

“This game just got way dirtier than I was expecting,” Arthur said.

“This one is hand written,” Gwen said, glaring at Morgana.

“What?” Morgana said innocently. “Some of them were blank! That’s no fun.”

“This block is no fun,” Gwen said. “It doesn’t apply to me.”

“Answer something else then,” Mordred suggested.

“Who do you think has the biggest cock out of everyone here?” Morgana asked.

“It’s weird that you would ask that with your brother in the room,” Gwen pointed out, her eyes already darting between the crotches of all the men in the room. “I’m voting for Lance.”

“Who’s got the smallest, then?” Mordred asked with a bit of a threat in his voice.

“Definitely Arthur,” Gwen said, smiling sweetly.

“Thanks,” Arthur said dryly pretending to be offended. He pulled a block from the middle of a row near the top of the tower. “Truth: how old were you when you had your first sexual experience? Well, um…”

“With a boy,” Morgana clarified.

Arthur could see a few eyebrows raising, but he ignored them. “I was 15. I lasted for hours.”

Merlin laughed, and Kara, looking unimpressed leaned forward for her turn. She pulled out the middle block from the row below the one Arthur had taken. “Dare: kiss someone of the opposite sex.”

She smirked and kissed Mordred with a little more tongue than Arthur thought was really necessary. Mordred pulled back first, laughing, and Arthur looked away before Kara could glare at him again.

“Your turn,” Morgana said to Lance.

Lance made a few attempts at pulling out blocks that seemed to be stuck before pulling one out from the side of the second to lowest row. The entire tower shifted as he removed it, and some of the group gasped in anticipation of it collapsing.

The tower stilled and Lanced smiled triumphantly before reading his block. “Dare: switch all your clothes with another player.”

“Freya!” Merlin shouted over everyone’s laughter. “You need to switch with Freya.”

Lance flushed. “What, why?”

“Because I said so,” Merlin answered without a hint of humour.

Lance glanced guiltily at Freya, who was giggling.

“Everybody up!” Merlin commanded. Everyone stood and shuffled towards the hallway.

Freya went into her room and Lance just stood there looking confused until Merlin instructed him to go into the toilet and take off his clothes.

“This would be a lot sexier if they did it in front of each other,” Gwen said, her voice loud enough that Arthur was sure both Freya and Lance could hear.

“The game is not supposed to turn into an orgy,” Morgana said.

“Are you sure?” Gwen teased.

Freya’s long, bare arm poked out from her room, holding her dress. Merlin took it from her and knocked on the bathroom door.

“I’ve got the dress,” he called out.

Lance’s hand appeared and he grabbed it quickly.

“We still need your clothes,” Merlin reminded him.

There was silence for a minute, and then Lance emerged, dressed only in Freya’s long navy-blue dress. It was extremely tight on him and left nothing to the imagination.

“You’re a good sport,” Merlin said appreciatively. They took Lance’s clothes out of his hands and passed them through to Freya’s room.

“At least she wasn’t wearing a bra, mate,” Arthur said.

The group moved back to the living room and settled down with their beers. When Freya came in, she had Lance’s jeans held up on her hips with her own belt. She looked cute in Lance’s plain white t-shirt, but her nipples were much more obvious than they had been under her dark dress.

“Did you put on his boxers?” Merlin asked as she sat down next to Lance.

Freya nodded happily, and Lance struggled to cross his legs within the restricting fabric of the dress.

“Has everyone else gone?” Morgana asked. When she got nods in response, she leaned forward a slid out the other outside block from Lance’s row. The tower wobbled slightly but didn’t fall.

“Truth: what’s your wildest fantasy?”

“This should be interesting,” Mordred said, raising his eyebrows.

“It won’t be,” Morgana promised. “It’s not that wild, but I’ve always wanted to fuck a man. You know, with a strap-on.”

“You’ve never done that?” Freya asked, clearly surprised.

Morgana shook her head. “Have you?”

Freya flushed, and Morgana laughed before turning the spotlight back on Merlin by tossing them the block she’d just pulled out. “Your turn again.”

Merlin set the block back on top of the tower and considered their options before pulling an outside block on another row close to the bottom. The tower leaned dangerously, but it seemed, for a moment, that it would stay upright. Then it crashed down, most of the blocks spilling onto the floor.

“Lame,” Morgana declared, leaning down to start picking up the mess. “Read it anyway, and we’ll set up a new game.”

“Truth,” Merlin recited dutifully. “When was the last time you had sex?”

Merlin frowned at the block, looking guilty. Arthur leaned down to help pick up the blocks from the floor, entirely sure he didn’t want to hear Merlin’s answer.

“Well, I mean, ‘sex’ could refer to—”

“You had a girl over three nights ago,” Mordred said, laughing. “It’s called _Truth_ or Dare, Merlin.”

Arthur looked up in time to see Freya punching Mordred in the shoulder, hard. He didn’t know what to make of that news, but he did know that he wanted to go home. He imagined that Gwen would probably leave with Morgana and that Freya and Lance’s awkward attempts at getting back into the right clothes at the end of the night would turn into something else entirely. He didn’t want to witness any of that.

He waited until the next game of Jenga was set up, refusing to look at Merlin even though he could feel Merlin looking at him, before standing and announcing that he had to go home.

There were a few groans and protests as he made his way to the door to collect his jacket and bike helmet.

“I’ve got an early start,” he explained. It was a lie, and he could tell that everyone knew it, but he didn’t care. “Thanks for dinner,” he said to Freya. “It was amazing.”

Freya smiled and waved, and Arthur turned to open the door, so close to freedom.

“I’ll walk you out,” Merlin said, jumping to their feet.

Arthur nodded his goodbyes to everyone else and left the flat without waiting. Merlin trailed him silently down the stairs and out onto the pavement.

“Thanks for coming,” Merlin finally said, watching Arthur unlock his bike. “I’m sorry we didn’t get to play Settlers of Catan.”

“It’s fine,” Arthur lied. “I had fun anyway.”

“Will you be at the show tomorrow?”

Arthur turned away as he fastened his helmet on, swearing under his breath. “I forgot about that,” he said, lying again. “I’m seeing a film with Leon.”

“Oh,” Merlin said sadly. “It’s just, my best mate from Copenhagen is arriving tomorrow morning, and he’ll be at the show. I was hoping we could all get drinks afterwards.”

Arthur walked his bike into the street, his insides twisting. “I’m sorry,” he said, climbing onto the seat. “I’ll be at the next one.” He gave Merlin a short wave before speeding off as quickly as he could.

He took the longest route home he could think of, circling some parks and going far out of his way to give himself time to think.

He didn’t know what to do. He had thought that if he and Merlin both brooded long enough that Morgana would see how ridiculous she was being. He had thought that he and Merlin were on the same page about what they wanted and how _much_ they wanted it. He had thought that Merlin was as sexually frustrated as he was.

Now he knew that he had been wrong. Merlin wasn’t going to wait for Morgana to change her mind, and Arthur felt humiliated and foolish for assuming they would.

He tried to remember what his life had been like before Merlin. He certainly hadn’t gone out as much. He used to go to the pub every other weekend with Leon and Gwen and sometimes Lance. On the weeks they weren’t out drinking, they were usually gathered at Arthur’s to play games or watch films. He life had been routine and unexciting, and he remembered liking it that way.

It was still a struggle for him to go out every weekend. He was always tired by the time Fridays rolled around, all of his social energy drained after a week of teaching and dealing with his students. He liked having time to himself, or at least time in his own flat, with only his closest friends.

Time with Merlin was always worth the extra effort, though. Even when it was awkward or tense or frustrating because of all the things they couldn’t do or say, the walks they went on after shows were Arthur’s favourite parts of his weekend. He liked talking with Merlin, even—maybe even especially—when they weren’t discussing anything important. Merlin was really good at talking about nothing, and for some reason that was almost as relaxing to Arthur as spending a night alone in his living room.

By the time he finally got home, Arthur had decided he needed to move on, or at least pretend to move on. He would find something, or someone, else to occupy his thoughts.

As he crawled into bed, he convinced himself that it would be safe to check his mobile. There were two unread texts, one from Merlin that he deleted without opening, and one from Gwen.

**From: Gwen  
Have tea with me on Sunday?**

Arthur smiled as he typed out his response. He could always count on Gwen to take care of him.

_**To: Gwen  
Yes** _

Before he could talk himself out of it, he unfollowed the band’s Twitter account and turned off his mobile. He rolled onto his stomach and tried not to think about Merlin as he fell asleep.

~~~~

When Merlin came back up into the flat, they looked a little down, less energetic than they had been just moments before.

Morgana couldn’t help but feel guilty. She knew, on some level, that she was being ridiculous. Merlin and Arthur were adults, and if they wanted to be together, they should be able to be together. Chances are, they wouldn’t blow up their relationship the way Morgause had done with Morgana.

But Morgana couldn’t take that chance. Merlin was too important to the band, and Arthur was too important to her life, and she just needed things to go smoothly for once in her life. She’d already fucked up her relationship with Arthur once before, and she didn’t want to do it again.

Besides, how hard could it be? It wasn’t like Arthur was unattractive. She was certain he could pull if he put even the slightest amount of effort into it. And Merlin apparently wasn’t moping around about it if they’d had a girl over just days before. Arthur just needed to get over himself.

Merlin sat back down and finished helping put the Jenga tower back together, and everyone played another round.

It wasn’t nearly as fun without Arthur there.

When the tower fell a second time, Morgana started packing the pieces back into their box, and everyone took the hint that the games were over.

Mordred collected everyone’s empty drinks and then disappeared into his room with Kara.

Freya and Lance stayed on the sofa, chatting in low tones, and Morgana imagined they, too, would disappear into Freya’s room eventually, and that Lance wouldn’t make it home that night.

Merlin was still sat on the floor, typing away at their mobile. Gwen was on her mobile as well.

“Should we call it a night?” Gwen asked, pocketing her mobile after a moment.

Morgana nodded and put the Jenga box back in her bag and went to collect her coat. Gwen made the rounds to say goodbye to everyone, and Morgana gave a wave, and then they headed downstairs.

“You got quiet,” Gwen said once they were outside.

Morgana reached for her hand. “I just…” She sighed. “I feel _bad_ , and I don’t want to feel bad. I shouldn’t have to feel bad about this. Arthur’s just being a prat. As per usual.”

“Is he?” Gwen asked gently.

Morgana huffed. “It’s not like I’m asking him to break up with an existing partner. I’m just asking him not to pursue my drummer. It _really_ shouldn’t be so difficult.”

“He can’t help how he feels.”

“He should go feel somewhere else.”

Gwen laughed and gave Morgana’s hand a squeeze. “Do you want to come back to mine? It’s closer than yours. We could walk if you don’t mind the chill.”

“I don’t mind.”

They continued on in silence, Morgana still thinking about Arthur and Merlin.

~~~~

Arthur spent most of his Saturday hiding at the gym. He usually preferred biking, running, or playing football with his friends to long workout sessions, but he sometimes he liked the mindlessness that gym equipment allowed. Lifting weights, rowing, or trying his hand at the gym’s pilates classes offered a welcome distraction from his scattered thoughts.

When he finally returned home in the evening, he was feeling sore and tired and a little sick from overexertion. He made himself dinner and lounged on his sofa for the rest of the night, catching up on some series and eventually pulling out his laptop to treat himself to a few of his favourite porn videos.

On Sunday morning, he drove over to Gwen’s flat, too sore to ride his bike. Morgana’s car was parked outside when he pulled up, and he considered turning around and going home, but then he saw her leaving the building.

“You missed a good show last night,” she said, walking over to his car as he got out of it. “Merlin and their friend Will are really funny together.”

Arthur shrugged. “I just needed a weekend off.”

Morgana gave him a guilty look. “I really appreciate you not pursuing Merlin. I know you like them, but…” She trailed off, looking distressed. “You have no idea how bad it was when Morgause left. Everything fell apart, and the rest of the band blamed me, and _I_ blamed me, and it took months to find Merlin, and I just can’t risk them not wanting to be around you. I need you, and I need them, and there’s just—”

“Morgana,” Arthur cut her off. “It’s fine. Really. I’ll move past it.”

Morgana smiled uncertainly, and Arthur pulled her in for a hug.

“Thank you,” she said into his shoulder.

Arthur forced a smile and stepped back. “I’ll see you at the show next weekend.”

“Promise?”

“Yes.” Arthur gave her another hug before jogging up the steps to the building and buzzing up to Gwen’s flat.

Gwen’s plans for the day seemed to involve a vast amount of tea and chocolates, and Arthur really couldn’t think of anything else he could want. They spread out on her sofa with their loot and gossiped about their students and the other teachers they worked with until Arthur was feeling completely sassed-out and couldn’t stop smiling.

“All I have to say is that I’m glad I found you because otherwise I would lose my mind,” Gwen declared, concluding her rant about the English department.

“Cheers,” Arthur said before finishing off yet another chocolate.

Gwen let the silence linger for a moment while she refilled their teacups.

“So,” she said, “what are we going to do about you and Merlin?”

“There is no ‘me and Merlin’,” Arthur pointed out.

“There kind of is,” Gwen said gently. “Everyone can see it.”

Arthur sighed and sipped at his tea. “I don’t know,” he said honestly. “I think I just need to kick some sense into myself and remember that there are other people out there.”

Gwen nodded supportively. “When was the last time you even went out to a club?”

Arthur took a deep breath and tried to remember. “September?” he guessed. “It’s more of a summer activity. Once the school year starts, it’s not high on my list of priorities.”

“It should be. You work too hard, and you need to have more fun.”

Arthur shrugged. “I guess.”

“Let’s go out together,” she suggested. “The weekend after Christmas or New Year’s—whenever you like, wherever you want to go. Just the two of us.”

“How about next weekend?” Arthur asked, feeling a little desperate.

“There’s a show—”

“On Friday. We can go out Saturday. Unless… do you already have plans with Morgana?”

Gwen smiled. “No, no plans. Saturday it is.”

Arthur returned her smile. “Thank you.”

“Anytime. You know that,” Gwen said as she reached for the plate of chocolates and passed it to him. “Eat up.”

~~~~

The next few days went by so quickly that Arthur was actually surprised when term ended on Wednesday. He spent all of Thursday and Friday finishing up his marking so that he wouldn’t have too much work to do during the holiday.

By Friday night he was ready for an evening out, but he would have been late to that night’s Ben and the Franklins concert if Gwen hadn’t shown up at his flat while he was still eating dinner. After letting her in, he sat down again to finish.

“I thought we agreed to meet here?” she asked, looking confused.

“We probably did,” he agreed. “I’ve been so busy I forgot.” He offered her a piece of garlic bread. She took it and sat down opposite him to wait while he kept eating.

“I think you’ll like Will,” she said after taking a few nibbles of the garlic bread. “He’s very candid.”

“He’s still here?”

Gwen nodded, taking another bite. “He’s staying with Merlin and Freya for a few weeks,” she said once she’d swallowed. “For Christmas, since Merlin won’t be seeing their mum for some reason.”

“She lives in Japan,” Arthur explained. He took his late bite and hurried to put his dishes in the sink. “All right, let’s get going.”

~~~~

Arthur tried not to focus too much on Merlin during the show, but it made the songs seem twice as long. Since he could only watch Morgana’s ethereal sweeping gestures for so long, he spent most of the concert looking at Mordred instead, trying to remember how their one strange night together had even happened. He’d never been entirely sure who made the first move.

Arthur let himself get lost in his thoughts as the show went on. He stayed near the back, leaning against the wall to drink and watch Gwen dance with the crowd. He thought about how happy she was with Morgana and how much sense they made together, even though they seemed to be opposites. Morgana was usually dark and serious, while Gwen was usually bright and happy. Since they’d started dating, Arthur had seen Morgana smile more than he had ever seen before, and Gwen seemed more willing to slow down and really think about things, instead of marching on with her usual optimism.

It was kind of sickening, and Arthur couldn’t help but be jealous. It had been a long time since he’d been with anyone who was a good match for him.

After a while, the band played a few Christmas songs and the whole crowd seemed to get warm and fuzzy and excited about the coming holiday.

The show ended sooner than Arthur expected, but when he checked his watch he saw that it was just after 11 o’clock. He waited for Gwen to make her way to him and call Morgana.

There were fewer people backstage than usual. Gilli and Freya were gone by the time Arthur and Gwen made it, and Mordred was already getting ready to leave.

“I was expecting a Christmas party after that set,” Arthur admitted when Morgana greeted them.

“Everyone’s leaving town in the morning,” she explained, giving Gwen a hug.

Arthur waited for Gwen to go say hi to Merlin before saying anything else.

“Will you be there on Monday?” he asked quietly.

Morgana took a deep breath, looking so guilty that Arthur felt his irritation levels rising before she even answered. “No, I’ve been invited to Gwen’s family dinner.”

He bit down on his tongue and nodded. “Of course.”

“I’m sorry. I just… I can’t see him. You know what would happen if I showed up.”

“He’s your father,” Arthur hissed. “It’s fucking Christmas Eve and you’ve missed the last two years.”

Morgana shook her head. “I’m sorry.”

Arthur rubbed his eyes, trying to find the part of him that understood where Morgana was coming from and didn’t feel completely abandoned.

“Come to mine on Tuesday,” Morgana said. “Merlin and Will are coming over and we’re going to have a fancy dinner.”

“Whatever,” Arthur mumbled before heading over to where Gwen and Merlin were talking with someone that Arthur had to assume was Will.

Will had short brown hair and an unsmiling face. He looked as grumpy and agitated as Arthur felt.

“Arthur!” Merlin said excitedly, linking one of their arms with Will’s. “This is Will.”

Will held out his free hand and Arthur shook it, trying not to care about just how close he was standing to Merlin.

“You look just like your sister,” Will said flatly.

Arthur took his hand back slowly, stunned by the strange and sarcastic greeting. Merlin just snorted back laughter and tugged Will even closer. It looked like Merlin was using Will as a shield between them and Arthur, and Arthur wasn’t sure if that made him angry or left him relieved.

There was a moment of awkward, itchy silence before Gwen picked up the conversation they’d been having when Arthur came over, talking a little faster than necessary. She seemed to be saying something about another teacher at their school, but Arthur tuned her out and glanced back at where Morgana was chatting with Mordred near the back door.

He had invited her to their father’s house for Christmas Eve weeks before but she’d avoided giving him an answer until that night. He had thought the end goal of rekindling her relationship with him was to rebuild their entire family unit. He wanted things to be the way they had been before she’d isolated herself from them. Their family had never been perfect, but it was always better when she was there to share the load. She helped to take the spotlight off him sometimes, and she had even defended him on a few memorable occasions, but mostly just her being there could help. Dealing with their father wasn’t easy, but it was much more manageable when Arthur wasn’t doing it by himself.

“And Arthur didn’t even find out until the next meeting!” Gwen finished her story, laughing.

Arthur watched Merlin and Will chuckling, wondering what Gwen had just told them about him. Merlin met his eye and Arthur smiled uneasily at them.

“What exactly is the point of this club?” Will asked, one eyebrow raised.

Everyone turned to Arthur, and Arthur stared blankly back at them. “What?”

“Your club, what’s the point?” Will asked again.

“The QSA,” Gwen prompted.

“Oh. Um... I just want the school to be a better place.” Will looked unimpressed and Arthur shifted slightly, drawing back his shoulders. “A safer place,” he added, “especially for them. They’re already more vulnerable than their peers.”

“Vulnerable,” Will repeated, “like babies?”

“What? No, I meant... I just want them to be comfortable.”

“I can’t imagine sitting in a room with teachers and discussing your sex life would be ‘comfortable’ for any student.”

“We don’t discuss their sex lives,” Arthur said sharply.

Merlin was smirking in amusement, but Will looked dead serious in his decision that Arthur and Gwen’s club was pointless. Arthur couldn’t believe he was being berated mere minutes after being introduced.

“Then what do you discuss?”

“Issues they’re having,” Arthur explained. “Current events. Anything they want, really.”

“So, it’s like a social club.”

“No—”

“Is there even any evidence that it’s making the students more ‘comfortable’? Because it sounds like a chaperoned tea party.”

Gwen laughed nervously, but Arthur didn’t find any of this amusing. Maybe she and Merlin thought Will was joking, but he was throwing flaming daggers at Arthur with his intense glare, and Arthur really wanted to punch him.

“A few weeks ago, a student came out to me as trans,” Arthur blurted out. “And that same student told the whole club at our last meeting, and that wouldn’t have happened if it wasn’t an extremely safe, open, non-judgmental place, unlike this fucking conversation we’re having right here.”

Merlin’s smile dropped, their mouth becoming a long, thin line.

Will, on the other hand, had a grin slowly creeping over his face as he gave Arthur a look of approval. “Shall we get drinks, then?” he asked, the question apparently directed at Arthur.

Arthur’s mouth hung open for a moment before he found his voice again. “I’m going home, actually,” he said, ignoring Merlin’s frown. “Will, it was... something other than a pleasure meeting you.”

Will laughed heartily as Arthur walked away and the sound crawled right under Arthur’s skin. He barely managed to wave at Morgana before escaping into the freezing night. He walked until he couldn’t feel his toes anymore and then he flagged down a black cab.

~~~~

On the way to the club the next night, it was obvious that Gwen wanted to talk about Merlin and Will, but she managed to hold back. Arthur was grateful, even though it made for a long and awkward ride.

“We could have just taken a taxi,” he finally said to break the silence. “Or the tube.”

“I’m the designated driver,” Gwen said sensibly. “Besides, I’m not going to pull. As soon as you find your next boyfriend, I’m leaving.”

“I’m not looking for a boyfriend, just someone to—”

“Fuck on the dance floor.”

“Gross,” Arthur said. “I’m not that desperate.”

“No offence, but you are very much that desperate.”

Arthur decided not to argue, knowing that if he did he’d likely have to sit through Gwen’s extensive list of all the evidence that proved he was desperate.

Gwen turned on the radio for the rest of the drive and by the time she parked a few streets from the club, Arthur was ready to get drunk and dance himself silly with as many sexy men as he could get his hands on.

“You’re my hero,” he said, pulling Gwen in for a hug once they were safely inside.

Gwen laughed and pushed him off. “Then buy me a drink.”

Arthur did, and they spent the next hour at the bar, shouting to each other over the loud music about anything other than Ben and the Franklins or work.

When Arthur was on his third of the brightly-coloured cocktails that Gwen kept ordering for him, someone tapped him on the shoulder. He turned and came face-to-face with the last man he’d slept with, back at the very beginning of the school year. “Gwaine,” he said blankly.

“Haven’t seen you around lately,” Gwaine said, his broad and wrinkly smile as devious as ever.

“Been busy,” Arthur said shortly, reaching for his drink. Gwen gave him an encouraging smile, but he ignored her.

“Boyfriend?” Gwaine guessed.

Arthur shrugged. “Work.”

Gwaine nodded and offered Gwen his hand. “Are you his moral support?”

“You guessed it,” Gwen said. “You can have the rest of my drink.” She handed Gwaine the cocktail she’d barely sipped. “I’m off for the night.”

“What—no!” Arthur protested, grabbing the drink and shoving it back in her hand.

“It’s late,” Gwen said gently, giving the drink to Gwaine again. “You’re clearly in good hands. Don’t be an idiot.”

Arthur watched helplessly as Gwen retreated towards the door.

“What is this thing?” Gwaine asked, sniffing Gwen’s bright yellow drink.

“Pineapple something,” Arthur muttered, taking a large gulp of his own cocktail.

Gwaine shrugged and easily knocked most of the drink back in one go. “Not bad,” he declared. “How have you been?”

“Busy,” Arthur said again, trying to think of how he could politely shake Gwaine off.

Gwaine nodded and tapped the side of his empty glass idly. “I’ve been good,” he said after a moment, smiling playfully at Arthur’s rudeness. “Not so busy.”

Arthur finished off his drink, cringing slightly at the last few saturated sips. Gwaine leaned in close to put his glass down on the bar.

“Come dance?” he asked low in Arthur’s ear.

“I...”

“Remember what your friend said.” Gwaine slipped his hands into Arthur’s and pulled him off the bar stool. “Don’t be an idiot. You’re in good hands.”

Arthur tried to think of a good reason not to dance with Gwaine, but then Gwaine was kissing him, hot and filthy and without any preamble. Arthur found himself leaning into it, digging his fingers into Gwaine’s long, soft hair, and holding on as they got reacquainted.

“Okay,” he said breathlessly when Gwaine finally pulled back.

“Okay?”

“Okay,” Arthur repeated, staring at Gwaine’s wet lips. “I’ll dance with you.”

Gwaine laughed and pulled Arthur away from the bar, into the sweaty crowd.

~~~~

Arthur drank three glasses of wine before biking over to his father’s house on Christmas Eve. Their dinner was short and silent after Arthur mentioned that he was going over to Morgana’s the next night.

“And how is your sister?” Uther had asked, his tone void of emotion. “I thought you weren’t speaking to each other.”

“We made up a few months ago. She’s dating Gwen now.”

“I never understood why she went after all of your friends, although I have to say I preferred it when she was dating Leon.”

Arthur decided not to respond, and Uther didn’t say anything else.

They were both drunk by the time they went to bed, their leftover dinner sitting out in the kitchen to spoil overnight. Arthur locked himself in his old room and sent a few obscene texts to Gwaine to distract himself before he finally fell asleep.

~~~~

He woke up early the next morning, but stayed in bed as long as he dared, not wanting to face a dreary Christmas breakfast with his father. When he finally convinced himself to go downstairs, he found a half empty, open bottle of whiskey and a note on the kitchen counter.

__

_Went to office. Lunch with a friend. Will text you pics of his daughter. Love you._

At the bottom of the note, Uther had scrawled his entire signature.

Arthur took a few deeps breaths before throwing out the note and putting the cap back on the whiskey bottle. He went through the food from the night before, tossing most of it but packing up a few things to put in the fridge for his father to have for dinner that night.

When the kitchen showed no signs of what day it was, Arthur biked back to his own flat to change into new clothes. He didn’t know what to do with himself. He hadn’t hated a Christmas so much in years.

To keep himself busy, he cleaned his entire flat. He dusted and reorganised his bookshelves, did his laundry, and washed the dishes. He arranged his spice rack alphabetically, fluffed every pillow he owned, hoovered the sofa, watered all the plants, made sure no cold air was leaking in through his windows, and scrubbed the inside of the oven.

When he was all done, he took a bottle of wine into the bathroom and had a long, hot bath. He played music from his mobile, which he left perched on the sink, and skimmed through his favourite book until the wine kicked in and he started relaxing again.

Leaning out of the tub, he put the book up on the sink with his mobile and then sank back into the hot water, his skin prickling pleasantly.

Gwaine hadn’t texted him back yet, but it was Christmas and he was probably with his own family, having a better time than Arthur was. Once Christmas was finally over, they would get back together and continue where they’d left off. They hadn’t gone home together after the club on Saturday, and Arthur had been regretting it ever since. He had thought it would be a bad idea to get involved with Gwaine again, considering how little they had talked outside of the bedroom the first time they’d tried dating, but he really wanted to see Gwaine’s naked body again. Gwaine was nothing if not hot, and Arthur had finally admitted to himself that he really was desperate.

Memories of Gwaine’s defined abs, perfect arse, and sweaty hair swam to the surface and Arthur sank lower into the bath as he pulled lazily on his half-hard cock.

~~~~

On Christmas night, Morgana hosted dinner for Merlin and Will since they were without their families. Gwen came over several hours early to decorate and do most of the cooking as Morgana was a little bit useless in the kitchen.

She’d invited Arthur as well, but she wasn’t sure if he was going to come. He might not have forgiven her for not going to Christmas Eve dinner with him and Uther.

Some small part of her did feel sad about missing out on time with family around the holidays. She did want to see Arthur, and she knew it was difficult for him to be around Uther, and maybe if she’d been there, she could have helped mitigate all the awkward tension.

Mostly, though, she felt perfectly good about her decision not to see her father. He had always viewed her as a mistake and never treated her well, and she didn’t deserve that. She deserved to be around people who loved her and people she loved in return.

She did hope Arthur would show.

Merlin and Will arrived just on time, and Morgana poured everyone a generous glass of wine and managed to pull Gwen out of the kitchen so they could toast to the holiday.

The wine made Morgana feel warm and fuzzy, and she stayed out in the living room with Merlin and Will as Gwen finished up preparing for dinner. Gwen had taped strands of tinsel and ornaments to the walls as Morgana didn’t have a tree, and it did look quite nice. It looked cheery, like they were properly celebrating Christmas, and Morgana kind of loved it. Gwen had really gone all out. She was sort of the embodiment of Christmas spirit—cheerful, generous, full of love and a desire to feed all her friends. Morgana really couldn’t have asked for a better evening.

If only her brother would show up.

Eventually the food was ready, and she helped Gwen carry all the dished out to the table.

They were about to sit down for their meal when there was a knock on the door.

“You’re here,” Morgana said as she opened the door to let Arthur in.

They looked at each other for a moment, and then Morgana pulled him in for a hug.

“Of course I’m here,” Arthur said quietly. He held onto her, and Morgana squeezed him tighter.

“Happy Christmas,” she said.

When they drew apart, she watched Arthur look around her house, his eyebrows creeping up as he took in the decorations and the spread on the table.

“Didn’t Gwen do an amazing job?” she asked.

“Mhm.”

“Well, come in,” she said, and Arthur took off his coat.

He seemed tense, maybe nervous, but he put on his best smile and greeted Gwen, Merlin, and Will as if they were all the best of friends.

“I’m glad you’re here,” Gwen said as he hugged her. “Now we can start eating!”

Arthur glanced over at the table. “This is all for the five of us?”

“Didn’t Gwen do an amazing job?” Morgana asked again, daring him to suggest there was anything wrong or extravagant about her girlfriend’s Christmas dinner.

“Yes,” Arthur agreed, giving Gwen a peck on the forehead. “It all looks delicious.”

Everyone sat down and began digging into their meal. It really was delicious, including the wine that Will had brought from a small vineyard near his home in Denmark. They ate until they could barely move, and Morgana felt happy in a bone-deep sort of way. Even Arthur looked happy and relaxed, and Morgana declared the evening a success.

~~~~

Arthur spent nearly every night of the rest of his holiday with Gwaine, and it didn’t always start or end in bed. They went to dinner or films and, once, to a play. They spent entire days together playing video games on Gwaine’s disgustingly comfortable sofa.

They talked about everything. Arthur told Gwaine about problems with his father, about his feelings for Merlin and why he’d really been at the club that first night, about Morgana and their relationship and her band. In return, Gwaine told Arthur about his own family and about the girl he’d fallen in love with in the autumn after their first fling.

Arthur found himself missing Merlin less and less. Entire days would go by without him thinking once about Merlin or checking his phone to see if Merlin had sent him a text. They hadn’t played a game of 20 Questions since before Christmas, and Arthur was breathing slightly easier without that distraction in his life.

He did worry that it wasn’t so much that he was missing Merlin less as it was that the pain he felt from missing Merlin was moving deeper inside of him, becoming duller and more constant, a bigger part of him.

Instead of thinking about that, he focused on Gwaine, telling himself that he was happier, and he almost believed it. They got along and enjoyed spending time together; Gwaine was nice, sexy, and funny in all the right ways. By the time school started again, Arthur was almost referring to Gwaine as his boyfriend, at least in his own head. It was easier than thinking of him as the-bloke-I-keep-sleeping-with, or the-guy-who-makes-me-laugh-a-lot, or the-man-who-is-pretty-much-my-boyfriend-except-that-I-don’t-have-any-feelings-for-him-at-all-like-not-even-a-little-bit-unless-you-count-how-my-cock-feels-about-his-cock.

In the end, the sex was good and they were friends. That was enough to give Arthur some breathing room, and after the first week of school he let Gwen convince him to go to a Ben and the Franklins concert.

The show—their first of the New Year—was small and calm, but Arthur preferred it that way. Without the usual crowd and chaos, Arthur was able to chat with Lance at the bar and avoid looking at the stage. No matter how happy he was with Gwaine, or at least how happy he told himself he was, he still wasn’t sure what he was going to do once the show ended and they made their way backstage.

Christmas dinner had been bearable enough, but only because of Gwen and the wine. Merlin had been distracted by Will and Arthur had chosen to largely ignore them both. He doubted he would get away with not talking to Merlin this time.

Lance was the first to get a text when the show ended, and he led Arthur and Gwen around the back of the building so that Freya could let them in. She gave Lance a tight hug and a sloppy kiss as she held the door open and Arthur walked in without looking, thinking that he would probably have to leave the country if Leon somehow broke up with Mithian and started dating someone in the band. He smirked slightly at the thought of Leon and Gilli together.

He stayed close to Morgana and Gwen for a while, catching up with his sister and helping himself to more beer. He tried not to notice the way Merlin kept trying to catch his eye, but then Merlin joined their small group and he couldn’t escape without being obvious.

“Do you want to go for a walk?” Merlin asked during the first lull in the conversation. They were smiling but their eyes were serious.

Knowing it would be inevitable, Arthur muttered, “Why not?” and passed his half-empty beer to Gwen. He followed Merlin outside, wrapping his scarf tight around his neck and hoping it would be too cold to walk for long.

“Can we start over?” Merlin asked as soon as they reached the pavement.

“What?” Arthur asked, caught off guard.

“Can we just...” Merlin sighed and walked quicker, forcing Arthur to lengthen his stride to keep up. “Can we start the whole thing over and pretend I never tried to ask you out and just be friends? Because I really miss seeing you every week and texting you all the time, but I know the whole thing between us is fucked up, and I’m sorry that you... that it’s not working out. I don’t want to lose you as a friend, so can we just forget everything that’s happened and start from the beginning again?”

Arthur stopped walking and waited for Merlin to notice and turn around. “I’m sorry for the way I’ve been acting,” he said quietly, feeling a blush creep over his already flushed cheeks.

Merlin took a few steps closer. “You don’t have to apologise. None of this is your fault.”

Arthur shrugged and shoved his hands into his coat pockets. “I’m sorry, anyway. And I’d love to start over. I’ve missed you, too.”

Merlin grinned and pulled Arthur in for a hug. Arthur stepped back as quickly as he felt was polite.

“So,” Merlin said cheerfully, starting to walk again, “Gwen tells me you’ve got a new boyfriend?”

“Gwen is a traitor,” Arthur said flatly, wondering what on earth had possessed her to tell Merlin such a thing. “And ‘boyfriend’ is a strong word.”

“Friend with benefits?”

“Well...”

“Fuck buddy?”

“Something along one of those lines, yes.” Arthur didn’t want to talk about Gwaine, and he also couldn’t bring himself to ask if Merlin was seeing anyone, so he changed the subject completely. “So, where did we leave off with 20 Questions? We were in the middle of a game?”

“I think I’d just won a game, actually,” Merlin said, pulling out their mobile to check.

“I’m pretty sure _I_ won the last game.”

“You think you win every game,” Merlin teased.

Arthur laughed and watched Merlin scrolling through their texts. He found himself studying the lines of Merlin’s profile and looked away quickly, swearing in his head.

“I can’t believe you’re wearing that scarf,” he said after a moment.

“There’s nothing wrong with my scarf.” Merlin handed over their mobile. “I won the last game, see?”

“Only because no one on the planet would have guessed ‘the piggy bank that Will stole from you before you could buy that Spice Girls CD you always wanted.’ Ever. No one ever, never,” Arthur added emphatically.

Merlin burst out laughing, stumbling as they tried not to double over. “You’re so easy to fuck with,” they said through his giggles.

“I resent that.”

Merlin straightened up and adjusted their scarf. “And you know you love my scarf. Don’t pretend.”

“It’s got unicorns all over it,” Arthur pointed out, handing him back his mobile.

“And it’s pink,” Merlin added proudly.

“You look like a cartoon character.”

Merlin looked strangely pleased at that thought. “Thanks!”

Arthur rolled his eyes to stop himself from smiling. “Anyway, it’s your turn to guess.”

Merlin was silent for a moment and Arthur tried to pull his own dark red scarf over his ears to keep them warm.

“Are you thinking of how much you’d like to be on a tropical island just now?” Merlin guessed.

“Not even close.”

“Damn.”

“You’ve lost your edge,” Arthur said seriously. “Have you got a fever?”

He reached out to feel Merlin’s forehead, and Merlin batted his hand away, laughing.

“So quick to judge. That was only my first turn! Remember the ridiculous things you guessed the first—”

Arthur’s mobile rang and they both stopped walking as Arthur pulled it out of his pocket. They’d never been interrupted during one of their walks before, and Arthur felt strangely guilty as he answered Gwaine’s call.

“Hey.”

“Hey, are you busy tonight?”

Arthur glanced over at Merlin, who was lighting a cigarette and trying to look like they couldn’t hear the conversation. “It’s almost midnight.”

“So... you’re not busy?”

“I’m—”

“Come over, anyway.”

“Um.” For a few seconds, Arthur considered saying no and staying to hang out with Merlin instead. He could tell himself they needed to re-build and solidify their friendship, but that wouldn’t change the fact that he’d be turning down Gwaine—who he was using as a distraction from Merlin—to spend more time with Merlin.

“I’m horny and I’m bored and I want to fuck you.”

Arthur turned away from Merlin, feeling himself going pink. “All right, yeah, I’ll head over.”

“Bring your birthday suit,” Gwaine said before hanging up.

Arthur pocketed his mobile slowly and took a deep breath before turning back to find Merlin pretending to read a lamppost flier a few feet away. He cleared his throat and Merlin looked up, their expression blank.

“Sorry about that,” Arthur said lamely.

Merlin shrugged. “It’s fine. Should we start back?”

“No, I can...” Arthur gestured vaguely towards the next street over. “The tube’s just there.”

Merlin nodded and took a long drag off his cigarette, clearly unsure what to do. “Well, it was really good seeing you. I’ll text you tomorrow with another guess.”

“You’ll never get it, though,” Arthur said half-heartedly.

Merlin gave him a small smile before taking a few steps back. “Have a good night. Thanks for coming to the show.”

Arthur waved helplessly as Merlin turned and started walking quickly back towards the pub. He watched for a moment, trying to control the feelings fluttering in his chest, or at least put them to sleep for the rest of the night.

When he couldn’t see Merlin or the tiny puffs of smoke anymore, he headed towards the station.

~~~~

It took Merlin an entire week to guess that Arthur was thinking of the piggy bank that Will stole from Merlin before he could buy the Spice Girls CD he’d always wanted, but not because it took them that long to realise that Arthur was tricking him. Arthur was pretty sure that Merlin realised what was going on after the first two or three days, but the guesses came less and less frequently. Instead, Merlin started texting Arthur about anything and everything that seemed to pop into their head.

On Monday during his lunch break, Arthur got the first of these texts.

**From: Merlin  
I got recognised in public for the first time today and it felt very much like a parallel universe. Also, I really want a new tattoo... something about my mum, maybe**

_**To: Merlin  
Maybe they thought you were someone else. You look a lot like Dame Maggie Smith, actually. Did they ask you about witches and wizards? I’m sure it was an honest mistake. A tattoo of a cello could be quite classy** _

On Tuesday, after a few half-hearted guesses that forced Arthur to admit he was thinking of a topic they’d discussed recently, Merlin sent him another personal text.

**From: Merlin  
That’s all I have for the night. No more energy... feeling very blah**

It took him a full five minutes to figure out how to respond. He wasn’t sure if Merlin was inviting Arthur to ask what was wrong, if they were looking for a distraction, if they were hoping for a solution, or if they were simply saying that they were bored.

_**To: Merlin  
That’s slightly worrisome. You’re not the ‘blah’ type.** _

**From: Merlin  
No? Must be having an off night. I spoke with my mum this afternoon**

Arthur wrote back quickly, his heart sinking.

_**To: Merlin  
Is she okay?** _

**From: Merlin  
She’s great. I just miss her**

Something tightened around Arthur’s heart and he frowned down at his mobile.

_**To: Merlin  
I’m sorry. When’s the next time you’ll be able to see her?** _

**From: Merlin  
No idea. We’re about to go on tour, so probably not soon**

_**To: Merlin  
Where are you going?** _

**From: Merlin  
Do you want to play Scrabble online with me? I can tell you about it in the chat**

Arthur turned on his laptop without even thinking about it, the homework and test papers he was supposed to mark sitting on the coffee table, completely forgotten.

By Friday, the texts from Merlin were coming so often that Arthur started checking his mobile between classes, barely caring if his students saw him breaking his own rule of absolutely no mobiles or MP3 players in his classroom.

When he checked at lunch time, he had four new texts from Merlin from the previous two hours.

**From: Merlin  
Are you coming to the show tonight? I think Gwen is driving out with us if you want to hitch a lift. I’m not sure what Lance’s plans are.**

**From: Merlin  
Lance can’t meet early enough to travel with us but you should check in with him.**

**From: Merlin  
We’re going to play some new songs tonight, ones Morgana & I wrote together. They’re good, I think, but we want to see how people react.**

**From: Merlin  
Can you tell I’m nervous? Your sister is amazing and she’s really opening up and letting me work with her more, but it’s been years since I’ve performed my own songs.**

Arthur smiled to himself as he read over the texts before calling Gwaine, who answered with, “Hey. Is everything all right?”

“Yeah, why?” Arthur asked, finally pulling his lunch out of the fridge in the staffroom.

“You’ve never called me in the middle of a workday before.”

“Sorry, are you busy?”

“No.” There was a pause and Arthur struggled to get the lid off his lunch container with only one hand. “Are you calling for phone sex?”

“Yes,” Arthur said flatly, rolling his eyes. “But first, would you mind terribly if I cancelled on you tonight?”

“I don’t know, I guess it depends on what you’re cancelling me for.”

“Well...” Arthur realised too late that he should have come up with a good excuse before calling.

Gwaine sighed and Arthur tried not to pout as he put his leftover pasta into the microwave.

“I thought you were trying to get over this Merlin person?”

“I am,” Arthur said firmly. “I just... forgot? Um, they asked me to go and I... I got caught up in it. We’ve been texting a lot this week...”

“Did they forget that you’re not supposed to be flirting?”

“They’re just being friendly. We’re... we’re trying to be friends.”

“You don’t sound convinced,” Gwaine said gently. “Don’t do this to yourself, Arthur. Come over to mine, get drunk, and let me shag you silly. I promise you won’t regret it.”

Arthur rubbed his eyes with his free hand. “You’re right, of course you’re right. Don’t know what I was thinking...”

“Don’t beat yourself up over nothing. Just don’t cancel on me. Deal?”

“Deal. I’ll see you at eight.”

Arthur hung up without saying goodbye and waited for his lunch to warm up.

~~~~

When the last class ended, Arthur tried to pack up quickly and sneak home without running into Gwen, but Lance caught him before he reached his car.

“Hey,” Lance shouted, jogging to catch up with Arthur on his way to the car park. “Listen, can I get a lift with you tonight?”

“I can’t go,” Arthur said, “but you could probably convince Leon and Mithian, if you get to them before they make other plans.”

“You’re really not going?” Lance asked, slowing down and forcing Arthur to do the same. “It’s their first big show outside of the city.”

“I know, I just...” Arthur shifted his bag onto his other shoulder, searching for the best explanation. “I’ve got other plans,” he finally said. “I’ll give you a lift next week, though.”

Lance gave him a curious look, but Arthur ignored it and sped up again. Lance kept following him, even though they weren’t parked near each other. “I’m almost afraid to ask, but what’s going on with you and Merlin?”

Arthur didn’t reply. He reached his car and flung his bag into the passenger seat as hard as he could. “There’s nothing going on between me and Merlin,” he said firmly, getting in and settling into the driver’s seat. “There never has been and there never will be and it doesn’t fucking matter. I have plans with someone who’s going to rip my clothes off as soon as I step inside his flat, and I’m not going to drive for an hour to watch you eye-fucking Freya instead.”

He gave Lance a moment to respond, but Lance stayed silent, his eyes wide and his expression unreadable.

“Sorry,” Arthur said, without much heart, before closing the door and pulling out of the car park.

He drove straight to Gwaine’s but stayed in his car for a while, listening to the radio with his eyes closed and trying to calm himself down.

Finally, and more because he had to than because he wanted to, he pulled out his mobile and looked at his texts for the first time since lunch.

**From: Merlin  
Christ, I’m actually shaking. I think I’ve had too much coffee**

**From: Merlin  
I’m thinking of getting that tattoo, maybe on my side or on my hip**

**From: Merlin  
Not now, I mean. I mean, not RIGHT now. Not right before the show. Just in general**

**From: Merlin  
You are coming tonight, right?**

The last text was from less than an hour old and Arthur banged his head back against his seat with a swear.

Texting Merlin throughout the week had been fun and—Arthur was realising way too late—not at all what he needed. He knew Merlin was just trying to rebuild their friendship, but it was too much.

_**To: Merlin  
Hey, I’m really sorry but I can’t make it tonight. I already had plans and I can’t cancel them. I think Lance is going to try to get Leon and Mithian to go. I’ll be at the show next week. Sorry again. Break a leg!** _

Arthur’s heart was racing as he typed out his response and hit ‘send’. He needed a night off from Merlin’s constant attention, and he had to start distancing himself emotionally. The connection between them had been re-forming too quickly.

Unfastening his seat belt, he typed out a quick one-handed message to Gwaine.

**_To: Gwaine  
I’m here early. Can I come up?_ **

He spent a moment checking his bag while he waited for Gwaine to respond, making sure he’d grabbed all the right assignments to mark that weekend.

His mobile buzzed and Arthur reached for it, only to find it buzzing with a second text.

**From: Merlin  
Thanks**

**From: Gwaine  
Hurry :)**

Arthur slumped over his steering wheel for a second, allowing himself just a moment to wallow in self-pity, but then got out of the car and jogged up to Gwaine’s flat, ready for a night of _not_ thinking about Merlin.

~~~~

Morgana was nervous. More nervous than she had been in ages, it felt like. The band was going to perform some new songs, and she had no idea how people were going to react.

She knew the songs were good—she felt confident in that, at least. It was just that they were different. They didn’t sound like the songs she had written with Morgause because she hadn’t written them with Morgause. She’d written them with Merlin.

Merlin was great, and she loved working with them, but it still felt different, and she knew people would be able to tell. It was just a matter of whether or not they would appreciate the difference… or hate it.

“Hey,” Merlin said, coming up behind Morgana and putting a hand on her shoulder. “Are you ready?”

“Are you?”

Merlin put on a brave smile. “As ready as I’ll ever be.”

Morgana nodded, and they headed out onto the stage with the rest of the band, the audience roaring to life with cheers and applause.

They played through a few of their older songs first, as they always did, and then they dove into the first of their new songs. The crowd grew quiet, as if everyone were really listening, and Morgana closed her eyes and tried to get lost in the song.

It almost worked, and by the time the song was over, she was feeling a little more relaxed. The crowd cheered when the song was over, and it sounded genuine.

People had liked the song.

Morgana glanced over her shoulder at Merlin, who was smiling madly behind their drumkit. She gave them a wink and then motioned for the band to go into the next song.

By the time the show was over, three new songs played live for the first time, Morgana felt like she was on top of the world. She loved the new songs, and the audience had loved them, too, and the night was going perfectly.

She ate a quick dinner backstage, shoving pizza in her mouth until Gwen and Lance arrived.

“No Arthur?” she asked, leaning in to give Gwen a kiss.

“No Arthur,” Gwen confirmed. “I think he’s with Gwaine.”

“Will we ever get to meet Gwaine?” Merlin asked, coming over with half a pizza slice and a beer in their hands. It was an innocent enough question, but Morgana could see that Merlin wasn’t pleased with the fact that Arthur wasn’t there, that Arthur had chosen his fuck buddy over hearing the band’s new songs. Morgana wasn’t exactly pleased, either, but she had too much adrenaline rushing through her to care too much at the moment.

“I don’t think they’re that serious,” Gwen said before helping herself to some pizza.

Morgana went to get herself a beer, and when she came back over to Gwen and Merlin, they were talking quietly, although not so quietly that Morgana couldn’t hear them.

“I just thought he’d show,” Merlin was saying. “I was texting him all day.”

“I’ll make him come to the next one,” Gwen said.

Merlin shrugged and looked up to see Morgana eavesdropping. They flashed a smile and went over to talk to Aglain.

Morgana crowded herself up against Gwen and gave her ear a kiss. “Come with me?”

“Where to?” Gwen asked, reaching for Morgana’s beer and taking a sip.

“Some place a little more private.”

Gwen grinned and set the beer down, letting Morgana pull her out of the green room.

Morgana had planned to bring Gwen into a changing room and ravish her there, but once they were around the corner and out of sight, she decided that was good enough.

She pushed Gwen against the wall and got her mouth on those lips, drinking Gwen in, letting the adrenaline and the beer and the fizzing energy of the night spur her on.

“Morgana,” Gwen breathed as Morgana started groping her. “Isn’t there someplace else—”

“I just want you,” Morgana murmured, kissing down Gwen’s neck to her glorious collarbones. “Here. Now.”

Gwen shuddered and held Morgana’s head in place as she started sucking bruises into her skin. Morgana carried on, knowing Gwen loved the attention there, knowing she could get Gwen good and turned on just from this.

Gwen sort of melted against the wall as Morgana devoured her, mostly held up by Morgana’s hands on her hips. Soon enough she was letting out little gasps when Morgana found just the right spot to kiss and lick, and she was pushing her hips forward, seeking more contact.

Morgana gave her a long, desperately hungry kiss. She bit Gwen’s lip as a distraction, lifting up the bottom of Gwen’s dress and getting a hand in her pants.

“Morgana,” Gwen hissed, grabbing hold of Morgana’s wrist. “What—”

“Please,” Morgana said, sliding a finger against her, getting it nice and slick. “Let me.”

“Oh, God. Okay,” Gwen breathed before letting go.

Morgana grinned and went in for another kiss, rubbing her fingertip over Gwen’s clit. Gwen gasped and clung to Morgana’s arms, fingers digging in. Morgana ignored the pain and licked into Gwen’s mouth. She moved her finger faster, trying to find just the right angle, and soon enough Gwen was shaking.

“Fuck, Morgana,” Gwen whispered, and it sounded like she was pleading. “Someone’s going to find us.”

“Not if we’re quick about it.”

“ _You_ be quick about it.”

“I’m trying,” Morgana said, laughing. She added a second finger, circling Gwen’s clit with her fingertips, and Gwen’s mouth hung open. “How’s this?”

“Just—keep going,” Gwen moaned. Morgana grinned and did just that, keeping her fingers steady as she went in for a kiss. Gwen just gasped against her mouth, her lips slack, so Morgana ducked down to start kissing her neck again.

Gwen got one hand in Morgana’s hair and one hand on Morgana’s arse, and Morgana could tell from the way she was struggling to breathe that she was close.

“Come on,” Morgana whispered, dragging her lips up to Gwen’s ear. “Be a good girl and come for me.”

“Don’t call me a good girl when you’re fingering me in public.”

Morgana laughed and sped up her fingers just slightly, trying to push Gwen over the edge. Gwen moaned and then took her hand off Morgana’s head and covered her mouth with it instead. Morgana kissed the back of her hand, listening to her muffled whimpers until she dropped her hand and grabbed hold of Morgana’s side.

“Fuck,” she breathed. “Morgana—”

Morgana kissed Gwen roughly, masking the sounds of her moans as she came. She slowed her fingers down after a few seconds, just the way Gwen liked, and waited for Gwen to grab her wrist again before she stopped completely.

“Holy shit,” Gwen said, panting. “Oh my _God_.”

Morgana grinned and moved in for a hard kiss. “Good?”

“We’re never doing that again.”

Morgana laughed and pulled her hand away, readjusting Gwen’s pants and dress for her. “We’ll see about that.”

She took a step back, and Gwen reached out, pulling her back in. “What about you?”

Morgana honestly hadn’t thought about it. “Later,” she said.

Gwen looked unconvinced. “Now,” she said, and the command in her voice made a shiver run through Morgana’s whole body.

“Now,” she agreed, and she led Gwen the rest of the way to the dressing rooms.

As soon as they were inside one, Gwen pulled Morgana’s jeans to the floor and pushed her down onto a chair. Morgana spread her legs, happy to let Gwen take what she wanted. Gwen dropped to her knees and pushed Morgana’s pants to the side, getting her mouth around Morgana’s clit.

“Yeah,” Morgana sighed, getting her hands in Gwen’s hair. She was so turned on from taking Gwen apart in the hall that it already felt like she was on the edge of an orgasm. “Faster. Harder,” she moaned, needing it more than anything.

Gwen obliged, sucking Morgana roughly, her tongue moving expertly, and Morgana felt like she might come apart at the seams at any moment.

“Oh, God,” she gasped as she felt herself tensing. “Oh, Gwen. Shit—”

Gwen spread Morgana’s legs more, moving in closer like she really wanted it, and Morgana couldn’t stop herself from crying out as it hit her. She shook, her fingers clenching around Gwen’s hair as everything pulsed.

Gwen continued, not letting up, just how Morgana liked it, until it finally got to be too much and Morgana had to guide her away.

“Fucking hell,” Morgana said, looking down at Gwen, who was smiling happily between her legs. “God _damn_.”

Gwen chuckled and leaned up for a kiss. “Good?”

“You know perfectly well it was good.”

Gwen sat back, looking pleased. “Should we get back out and mingle?”

“Absolutely not.” Morgana pulled her clothes back up and stood, pulling Gwen to her feet as well. “Come back to mine?”

Gwen grinned and gave Morgana a sweet kiss. “Absolutely yes.”

~~~~

Arthur spent the entire weekend hiding in Gwaine’s flat, avoiding his mobile and marking his papers while Gwaine got high on the sofa. He drove to the school on Monday from Gwaine’s and found Gwen waiting in the back row of his classroom.

“How’d you get in here?” he asked, dropping his bag on the desk and settling into his chair to turn on his computer.

“Caretaker let me in.” Gwen got up and made her way to the front of the room, giving Arthur time to prepare himself. “How was your weekend?”

“It was really good, actually,” he said, looking up at her and holding her stern gaze. “I did a lot of things that would be completely inappropriate to mention in this classroom with the students only seconds away. Thanks for asking.”

“Me, too,” Gwen said happily. Then she sighed and reached out to ruffle his hair. “What’s going on with you and Merlin?”

“Stop asking me that!” Arthur took a deep breath to calm himself down. “There is _nothing_ going on between us. You fucking know that.”

Gwen sat down on the edge of his desk. “They seemed pretty disappointed you weren’t at the show.”

“They were just nervous,” Arthur said, fighting the urge to brush her hand away.

Gwen’s hand slipped down to the back of his neck and her fingers tangled in the ends of his hair. “You put in all of that effort to get over Merlin, and now—”

“And now we’re back where we started because they’re…” Arthur straightened up when he saw a few students walk past his open door. “We can’t help ourselves,” he said quietly.

Gwen glanced quickly towards the door and leaned down to kiss his forehead before getting to her feet. “How many more shows are you going to miss?”

“None.” Arthur stood up as the first student came in and sat at her desk. “There are only two before they leave on tour, right? I’ll go to both. I’ll drive you and Lance if you want.”

Gwen smiled and waved as she left the room. “Thanks!”

~~~~

Arthur went through his week as normally as he could, except that every time he had the urge to talk to Merlin, he sent an obscene text to Gwaine instead. On Friday, in an attempt to quell his anxiety about that night’s show, he wanked in the staff toilets during his lunch break and sent Gwaine a slew of up-close pictures of his erection.

When the last class finally ended, Gwen and Lance met him in his classroom and waited as he packed himself up for the weekend.

“You could not be any more slow,” Gwen complained when Arthur checked his email for the third time.

“Do you want me to take you to this show?” Arthur asked without looking away from his computer.

Gwen rolled her eyes and crossed her arms, silently watching him until he was ready to leave. He stayed quiet as he led them to his car, trying to block out their conversation about their half-term holiday in a few weeks. Ben and the Franklins would be playing in Italy at the end of that week, and they were trying to figure out if they could take a trip over to see a show.

Arthur flung his bag in the front seat and his friends took the hint, sliding into the backseat without question. He turned on the radio and thought about what he was going to do with Gwaine the next night. Every time he glanced in his rear-view mirror, Gwen and Lance were cuddled closer together and the expression on Lance’s face was more and more torn. Halfway to the show, Arthur had to stop looking. Gwen was his best friend, and he knew that she meant well and thought she was in the clear now that Lance knew she was a lesbian and they both had girlfriends, but Lance was clearly still struggling with his feelings.

When Arthur finally parked and got out, Gwen linked her arm with his and escorted him into the venue. Arthur pulled her close and refused to let go until the show had started.

The first half of the concert was so familiar that by the third number, Arthur found himself relaxed and happy. He danced alongside Gwen and Lance, actually enjoying himself, until the band started playing an unfamiliar song.

The crowd grew quiet and still. Arthur turned towards the stage, watching as Merlin and Morgana started off the song by singing in harmony over the slow thump of the bass drum. Their vocals sent shivers down his spine and he cheered with his friends when the rest of the band joined in and the chorus burst into life. The song was powerful, and Merlin’s voice was strong over the instruments. Arthur had never heard them sing before, had never heard anyone sing on equal ground with Morgana before, and the crowd was drinking it up.

“It’s so good, right?” Gwen shouted over the applause at the end.

Arthur nodded, still clapping with Lance.

The next song was a new one as well, and while the first new piece had fit Morgana’s general style, this one was much lighter and more cheerful. Arthur knew right away that Merlin had taken the lead on writing it, even though Morgana was the only one singing. The lyrics were about loneliness and a true love just out of reach, but Morgana’s vocals were playfully high-pitched and staccato. Arthur found himself laughing at the inherent humour, even though his stomach was churning at the squirming thought that the song was possibly about him.

The third new song went back to the band’s typical style and absolutely seemed to be explicitly about Arthur. Morgana’s lyrics were about her brother, about his sense of duty, his selflessness, and the struggles he faced because of them. The song was vague and could have been about any man, but Morgana’s constant belting of ‘my brother’ and Gwen’s eyes on him weren’t subtle at all.

He hadn’t known that Morgana thought of him in those terms—strong, brave, generous. Usually she called him dull, predictable, and thick-headed, especially when it came to dealing with their father. It was strange to hear her saying such positive things about him and in such a public way.

After that, the band went back to playing their older songs and Arthur breathed a little easier. When the show was over, the crowd didn’t thin out as quickly as it usually did and he watched as large groups hung around near the stage, hoping for a few more glimpses of the band.

“Come on,” Gwen said, tugging at his hand.

Arthur let her, and Lance lead the way through some hallways until they reached the backstage area and found the band sitting in a circle, singing happily. Merlin was playing their ukulele, grinning and rocking back and forth to keep time. Morgana was clapping her hands and harmonising with Freya, while Gilli and Mordred seemed to be having a competition to see who could sing the loudest. The song was jaunty and up-tempo, and the adorableness of the scene helped to assuage Arthur’s nerves.

When it ended, Morgana jumped up to hug Gwen and Arthur. “How’d you like the new songs?” she asked when she let him go.

“They were—”

“I hope you didn’t think that ‘brother’ one was about you.”

Arthur smiled easily. “Not even for one second.”

“Good!” Morgana hugged him again before turning to focus on her girlfriend.

Arthur shifted to look at the rest of the band, but Merlin was the only one paying him any attention. Arthur gave them an awkward wave. Merlin stood up and came over. They were wearing a jumper on top of a short floral skirt, and they had leggings on under that. It was easily the most feminine thing Arthur had ever seen them in, and they looked _good_. The dark leggings really showed off their long legs. Arthur wondered if Merlin had played the show in the skirt or if they’d just changed into this outfit afterwards.

“Hey,” Merlin said, keeping their ukulele firmly between them.

“Hey. That was a great show,” Arthur offered. “The new songs are really great. I didn’t know you could sing.”

Merlin shrugged and played a few random notes on the ukulele. “Want to walk?”

“Sure,” Arthur agreed, surprised by the offer.

He followed Merlin out of the back entrance and into the car park. Merlin continued strumming the ukulele, vaguely playing as they made their way to the pavement.

“How was your week?”

“Good,” Arthur said, watching Merlin’s fingers on the ukulele strings. “Look, I’m really sorry about last weekend. I should have you let known sooner I couldn’t—”

“You don’t have to apologise,” Merlin said, their music fading out as they stopped walking. “You have your own life.”

Arthur shook his head. “You’ve become a big part of my life, though. You’re my friend, and you’re obviously important to Morgana, and I think we just need to define our boundaries a little more.”

Merlin smirked and started walking again, the small instrument hanging limply at their side. “We’re clearly horrible at that.”

“Well... yeah,” Arthur admitted, catching up. “But we could give it one more try.”

“Any suggestions?”

“Less texting. Well, less texting than last week... more texting than this week.”

“That’s extremely specific,” Merlin said flatly. “But I don’t have any better ideas.” They picked up their ukulele again and started playing the new song about loneliness. It sounded much sadder on the small instrument. “How’s your fuck buddy?”

“Fine.” Arthur slowed down and watched as Merlin kept walking for a few seconds before noticing and turning around. “I’m going to head home.”

Merlin shrugged sadly and spun back around, continuing on their walk. Arthur stood where he was for a moment, staring at Merlin’s retreating back and listening to the fading song. He wondered what he was doing there, what he was doing with his life at all, and why he and Merlin couldn’t seem to find the right balance in their friendship.

He sent Gwen a text on his way back to the car, telling her that she and Lance would have to go back to the city with the band. He didn’t check his mobile again until he was safe in his own bed.

**From: Gwen  
I think I might need to stage an intervention.**

_**To: Gwen  
Don’t you fucking dare.** _

Arthur knew she wouldn’t listen to him. She’d see right through his protest and do whatever she thought was best for him, like she always did. He couldn’t be annoyed with her though, because she was always right.

~~~~

When Arthur hadn’t heard from Merlin by Monday, he realised that Merlin was waiting for him to make the first move this time. He tried not to think about it too hard, but by lunch time he was actually excited to pull out his mobile.

_**To: Merlin  
Okay, okay. I’ve got a really really good one and you are literally never going to guess it. But I think you should try, for decorum.** _

It only took Merlin two minutes to respond.

**From: Merlin  
It’s got something to do with water buffalo, doesn’t it?**

Arthur laughed, ignored the strange looks the other teachers in the staffroom were giving him as he ate his lunch, and wrote back.

_**To: Merlin  
Not even a little bit. How long has it been since we’ve played? You’ve completely lost it.** _

**From: Merlin  
FAMOUS MOUSTACHES?**

_**To: Merlin  
Fucking damnit, Merlin.** _

**From: Merlin  
Nietzsche? Marx? Wittgenstein?**

_**To: Merlin  
Wittgenstein did not have a moustache. Try again.** _

**From: Merlin  
I know, I just like his name. Final two guesses: Tom Selleck or Salvador Dali**

_**To: Merlin  
Fine, you win. But I’m not telling you which one it was.** _

**From: Merlin  
I guess I can live with that. Your turn to guess**

_**To: Merlin  
I guess farts.** _

~~~~

Arthur continued playing 20 Questions with Merlin for the rest of the week, unable and unwilling to minimise their texting like he’d suggested. It was fun and familiar, and he couldn’t bring himself to care if it was the opposite of what he was supposed to be doing.

He also started following the band’s Twitter account again and allowed himself a full 15 minutes to scroll back through everything he’d missed since he had stopped checking it obsessively. It was clear that Merlin was still running the account; the tweets were often non sequiturs, full of awkward puns, or unnecessarily cryptic re-writes of Morgana’s lyrics. There was more than one suggestion that everyone wear themed costumes to certain gigs, though Arthur couldn’t remember any fans following Merlin’s orders. There were blurry pictures taken out of car windows or from behind Merlin’s drums during a show, shots of band members sleeping or doing something mundane, and several bizarre close-up photos of random body parts. Arthur found himself smiling wider and wider as he went through the old tweets—Merlin really seemed to be enjoying themself on the account.

Arthur had tried so hard to distract and protect himself from how he felt about Merlin, but he knew he was letting everything slide out of control. He kept hoping, despite the fact that he’d made exactly the same mistake before, that it would somehow work out in the end. Maybe Gwen would stage her intervention with Morgana and maybe he or Merlin would stand up for themself and maybe, in the end, everyone would live happily ever after.

To keep himself sane while he waited for his happy ending, Arthur spent most of his nights with Gwaine. Somehow, despite that, he found himself thinking of Gwaine less and less during the day and taking longer and longer to respond to Gwaine’s dirty texts. He thought Gwaine might be suspicious, but Gwaine didn’t bring up his changing behaviour, so he tried not to feel too guilty. He and Gwaine had never intended to be serious together, and they both knew that. They were simply keeping each other company and keeping each other’s beds warm.

Gwaine did try to keep Arthur in the city the next Friday, but Arthur had already promised Merlin that he’d be at the show. It was the last concert in England before the band’s continental tour and Arthur wanted to say goodbye to everyone.

He gave Gwen, Leon, and Mithian a lift to the show after school. Lance had a poetry reading that night, and they spent the first half of the drive making fun of Lance for being a sensitive cliche and the second half admitting that they wished they had Lance’s passion, or talent, or commitment to sharing his art with the public.

The concert was almost identical to the previous week’s, with the added bonus of Leon nearly crying with laughter when Morgana sang the new song about her brother. 

“She’s so taking the piss!” he screamed to be heard over the crowd, his shoulders shaking.

When it was over and he was following Gwen backstage, Arthur realised that he wasn’t nervous about seeing Merlin. He couldn’t remember the last time that had been true, and it made him slightly giddy, even as it made his insides squirm.

When they reached the band, he could tell that Merlin was already drunk. The show hadn’t been over for more than 30 minutes, which meant that Merlin had been drinking before it even started. Arthur had never known Merlin to get drunk before a gig—he wondered if that meant Merlin was the nervous one at this meeting.

Merlin stumbled towards them and nearly tripped over several chairs on their way. They gave Gwen a long hug and looked as if they were going to give the same to Arthur, but they stopped themself with an awkward, jerking motion and gave Arthur a wide grin instead. They were wearing jeans and what Arthur supposed was a blouse tucked into them, and the silhouette did _everything_ to emphasise their slim hips.

“Come for a walk?” Merlin asked.

Arthur shrugged and followed them out of the building.

“How was the show?” Merlin asked, pulling a joint and a lighter out of their pocket. “Do you want the first hit?”

“No, thanks... um.”

Arthur watched as Merlin lit up, not sure what to say.

“I’m drunk,” Merlin said huskily as they tried to hold in the smoke. “So’s the rest of the band.” They exhaled loudly and handed the joint over with a sly smile. “We had a very nice dinner before the show.”

Arthur laughed and tried to take a small hit, but his lungs protested immediately. “Fuck.” He coughed, pressing a hand to his chest to ease the pain. “It’s been years since I’ve done that.”

“I’m surprised you’ve ever done it, to be honest.”

“I’m not a prude.” Arthur took another hit to prove his point and was able to hold in the smoke for a few seconds before he was hit with another coughing attack.

“I didn’t say you were a prude,” Merlin said, taking back the joint. “How was the show?”

“Good,” Arthur managed, still wheezing. “They’re always good.”

Merlin nodded but said nothing for several minutes as they walked, passing the joint back and forth until it was too small to hold and smoke at the same time. When Arthur handed it back for the last time, Merlin placed it firmly between their lips and sucked harshly. They let it smoulder for a moment before spitting it out, careful not to lose too much smoke in the process.

“I can’t believe we’re leaving so soon,” they said as they exhaled.

“Yeah,” Arthur said blankly, watching the grey smoke rising above them.

“Yeah.” Merlin shoved their hands into the pocket of their jacket and slowed their gait.

“Are you nervous?” Arthur asked, sensing that Merlin needed to talk it out.

“It’s fucking weird, this whole fame thing.” Merlin shook their head and drew their shoulders up, their body one long, tense line.

“Isn’t it what you wanted? You seem to be having a good time on Twitter.”

Merlin grinned and their whole body seemed to relax instantly. “You follow the band’s account?”

“Well, Morgana told me you were taking it over and...” Arthur shrugged, unable to come up with an excuse.

Merlin chuckled and bumped their shoulder into Arthur’s. “You’re right, I do have fun. It’s just a bit overwhelming. I know that sounds stupid—it’s not like I didn’t know how popular the band was before I joined, but it wasn’t something I could really grasp, you know? I’m used to being anonymous.”

“No offence, but I have a hard time believing that you haven’t always stood out.”

“What do you mean?” Merlin asked, their brow creased, as if they weren’t sure if they should be offended or not.

“Well, look at you,” Arthur said, gesturing vaguely. “Tall, thin, beautiful... sleeve tattoos and your ears and your—your outfits.”

“I can’t help my ears,” Merlin muttered, drawing their shoulders up again.

“I love your ears,” Arthur said frankly. “They just... they’re noticeable.”

“Yeah.” Merlin tugged at their hair in a futile attempt to cover them up. “But I don’t mean physically. I model. I know what I look like, and I get paid for it, and that’s fine. Being in a band is different. People notice me but they also care. They want to know things about me. They want to talk to me.”

“Morgana’s never had any problems,” Arthur reminded him. “She’s made it clear that she likes having a private life, and people generally respect that. I’m sure that by now the media or the fans have her real name, but it’s not being plastered in the tabloids or on the internet. They’re respectful. And friendly.”

Merlin nodded and checked all their pockets until they found a pack of cigarettes. They offered one to Arthur, who shook his head.

“It’s just weird.” Merlin pushed the cigarette between their lips and lit it quickly. “And I’ve never toured this much before. It’s going to be non-stop for a month and a half, and then we’re back here for a few weeks for some more recording, and then we’ll ship off to the States for the summer.”

“Shouldn’t you be used to moving around a lot?”

“After a few months... or years, in some cases. Not days—not hours!” Merlin shook their head and grabbed Arthur’s arm, stopping him from walking any further so that they could turn back. They didn’t immediately let go again, and after a long moment they linked their arms together. “I’m just excited, and it’s manifesting as nerves. Ignore me.”

“I’m not going to ignore you,” Arthur said quietly, tugging Merlin just a little closer.

Merlin took a deep breath and stepped away, taking their arm back. “Are you coming to Italy with Gwen and Lance?” he asked tonelessly.

“I... wasn’t planning on it,” Arthur admitted. His thoughts were getting fuzzier.

“Please? It’ll be fun.” Merlin’s voice was small but hopeful.

“Yeah, I’ll look into it,” Arthur muttered.

Merlin grinned and linked their arms back together. “It’ll be great. We can, I don’t know, sightsee. Or get really, really drunk.”

“That second one seems more likely.”

Merlin laughed. “True.”

They continued walking back towards the concert venue, arm-in-arm even though they kept bumping into each other. Arthur let his thoughts wander from Merlin to Morgana to Gwen to work to his father and then back to Merlin. Everything felt slow and meaningful—he felt that he was on the brink of an epiphany but it kept slipping away at the last moment, leaving him with nothing but the urge to hold Merlin’s hand.

“Are you still sleeping with your friend?” Merlin asked when the venue was in sight.

“Yes,” Arthur said slowly, not sure why Merlin was bringing it up, especially when they were practically cuddling on the pavement.

“Good,” Merlin said quietly, resting their head on Arthur’s shoulder. “I’m glad you’re happy with him.”

“‘Happy’ is a strong word.”

“Oh.”

They walked on in silence until they reached the hall’s rear entrance, where Merlin dropped their cigarette to the pavement and finally took their arm back, only to wrap Arthur in a tight hug.

“I’ll miss you,” they said in a low voice, their warm breath hitting Arthur’s neck. “And I really hope you can come to Italy.”

Arthur didn’t respond and let Merlin pull away to go inside with nothing more than a brief moment of eye contact before they closed the door. He stayed outside for as long as he could stand the cold, only giving up when Gwaine sent him a text asking what time he’d be back in the city. When he went inside to tell Gwen and Leon and Mithian that he was ready to leave, Merlin was nowhere to be seen. His friends told him that he could leave without them, so he said good bye to Morgana and barely made it back to Gwaine’s without falling asleep behind the wheel.

~~~~

Arthur spent the remainder of his weekend with Gwaine, having sex in every room of Gwaine’s flat and trying to ignore that Merlin wasn’t sending him any texts. He knew, rationally, that Merlin was probably extremely busy getting ready for the upcoming tour, but that didn’t make him feel any better about it.

By Monday, Arthur was relieved to get back to work so he could have something else to focus on. The spring term had only started a few weeks ago, but the students were already itching for their half term break at the end of the month. It was a struggle to keep his classes engaged, but Arthur welcomed the challenge because it forced him to concentrate more than he normally would.

When the day was over, he was satisfyingly tired; he’d managed to lead several successful discussions in his classes and introduce a new project without eliciting too many groans. The only time he’d thought about Merlin was when he’d checked his mobile during his lunch break. When he saw that there were no texts, Arthur had simply called Gwaine to keep himself occupied while he ate. Gwaine had complained about listening to him chew, but Arthur knew he didn’t really care; Gwaine was incredibly messy and while Arthur wouldn’t want to live that way, he did enjoy being able to get away with some sloppiness when he was over Gwaine’s flat.

Before heading home, Arthur stopped by Gwen’s classroom to catch up with her about their weekends. He found her sitting behind her desk, frowning at the computer.

“You’ll get wrinkles if you keep doing that,” he said, kicking her classroom door shut behind him.

“Ha,” Gwen said, glaring at him.

Arthur leaned over the desk to kiss her on the forehead. “What’s wrong?”

“I’ll give you one guess.”

“Is Morgana taking all your favourite vibrators on tour?”

Gwen cracked a smile. “You’re in a good mood.”

Arthur shrugged and leaned against one of the desks in the front row. “I had a good day. And a good weekend.”

Gwen nodded and started packing up her things for the night. Arthur watched silently, trying to come up with a few things he could do for her when she started missing Morgana. She had done her best to cheer him up about the mess with Merlin, and he wanted to do the same for her.

“Have you decided about Italy?” she asked when she was ready to leave.

Arthur groaned and moved towards the door. “No. Why do you even think I’d go?”

“Merlin said they invited you.”

“Well, I haven’t decided,” Arthur said shortly.

“You should decide soon,” Gwen said, following him out of the room and locking the door behind them. “Otherwise you’re going to spend way more on your flights than is reasonable.”

“Maybe I’ll use that as an excuse not to go.”

“You’re really no fun at all,” Gwen said mildly, linking her arm with his. “You should come, though. Lance and I are going to Rome early so we can get some sight-seeing in before the band arrives. We found a nice hotel with pretty good prices, and we’re going up to Milan before we fly back.”

Arthur said nothing as they walked through the school and out the front doors. Once outside, he pulled his arm away from hers. “I’ll think about it, but I’m not making any promises.”

“Kara won’t be there, if that helps you decide.”

Arthur laughed, shaking his head. “Good to know. Are you seeing Morgana tonight?”

Gwen nodded and pulled out her mobile to check the time. “I should get going. I need to shower before we go out to dinner.”

“Yeah, I can smell you from here,” Arthur teased as he walked away from her, heading for his car.

“Charming, really,” Gwen called out, waving goodbye.

Arthur blew her a kiss before getting into his car and driving home, ready for a relaxing night. He didn’t know how or why, but Gwen always made him feel better, even when he wasn’t feeling bad. She just always knew the right things to say to make him laugh.

Once he was home for the first time since Friday, Arthur spent time cleaning up his flat before heating up some soup and settling himself in front of the telly for the night. He let himself get sucked into the lives of fictional characters until his mobile buzzed with a text message.

**From: Merlin  
Aptly raining on my last night in the city. Care for some online Scrabble?**

Attached was a picture of the dark, wet view from Merlin’s bedroom window.

_**To: Merlin  
I thought you’d never ask.** _

Arthur set up his laptop on his coffee table and found Merlin already signed in to their usual website.

Qemrys: I brought some virtual soup  
P3ndr@g0n: I had actual soup for dinner. Much warmer.  
Qemrys: Rude  
P3ndr@g0n: You going to take a turn or what?  
Qemrys: I’m thinking. Stop distracting me or I’ll turn off the chat function  
P3ndr@g0n: Liar.  
Qemrys: There, 53 points on the first turn. Happy?  
P3ndr@g0n: Not even a little bit.  
Qemrys: Here, listen to this song while you’re thinking about your turn. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z01…

Arthur clicked on the link and smiled as a familiar Beach Boy songs started playing.

P3ndr@g0n: Classic.  
Qemrys: I’m in a _Pet Sounds_ mood  
P3ndr@g0n: I wouldn’t have pegged you for a classic rock fan.  
Qemrys: I like all sorts of music. Take your damn turn already!  
P3ndr@g0n: Impatient.

Merlin continued sending links to songs, and they played well past the time when Arthur normally went to bed on weeknights. He knew he would regret it in the morning, but he couldn’t bring himself to say goodbye to Merlin, even though he’d lost every game.

Qemrys: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z21…  
Qemrys: That’s the last one. I’ll let you go to bed now. Thanks for staying up with me  
Qemrys: I hope you like the playlist

Arthur clicked on the link. it was a slow Frank Sinatra song he’d never heard before.

P3ndr@g0n: Playlist?  
Qemrys: All the songs I sent you. It’s a playlist. A mix tape, if you will, that I made for you… so you don’t miss me too badly  
P3ndr@g0n: Did anyone ever tell you that you’re adorable?  
Qemrys: My mum :) Sweet dreams!  
P3ndr@g0n: Save travels, Merlin.

Arthur signed out of the Scrabble site and sat for a few minutes, listening to the soft song that was still playing. For the first time, he thought about the fact that he didn’t know how long it would be before the next time he saw Merlin and about what his weekends would be like without the constant concerts to go to.

As the song ended, Arthur pulled up some travel websites and his bank account. He needed to book a flight to Italy.

~~~~

The next week went by without incident—Arthur’s classes were lively, Gwaine sent him a wide variety of raunchy texts, and Gwen did a good job of staying cheerful. Everything felt reasonably normal until Friday when Arthur didn’t have anything to do besides going home or going to Gwaine’s. For the first time in months, he thought about inviting his friends over to play board games or watch a movie, but for some reason that didn’t appeal to him. Going to Gwaine’s for a weekend of mindless sex didn’t appeal to him, either.

Arthur bought two bottles of wine on his way home and spent the evening compiling the songs Merlin had linked him to into an actual playlist. He hadn’t paid much attention to them during their Scrabble game—he’d thought Merlin was just sharing what they’d been listening to or showing off their eclectic taste. Now that Arthur knew that Merlin had spent time picking out specific songs for him, he wanted to listen to them again.

When he started listening to the playlist halfway through the first bottle of wine, he wasn’t entirely surprised to find that they were all love songs. Some of them were so bold in their lyrics that Arthur had to wonder if Merlin hadn’t even realised what they’d been doing when they’d compiled the songs. They filled him with something like an unbearable longing, and he kept imagining himself driving at night, Merlin in his passenger’s seat, listening to this playlist as they went off into the distance together.

~~~~

Morgana was standing in front of the bathroom mirror, washing off her makeup, when Merlin let himself into the hotel room.

“You’re back early,” Morgana said, scrubbing at her eyelid.

Merlin stood in the bathroom doorway and watched her. “Were you hoping I’d be out late?”

“No, I just assumed. We’re in your home territory, aren’t we?”

“Not like I know anyone in Oslo anymore,” Merlin said. “It’s been a long time.”

“Do you miss it?” Morgana asked.

“Do I miss freezing my buttocks off on a daily basis? No.”

Morgana chuckled and turned to throw her smudged wipe at them. They caught it and tossed it in the bin. “You should do my make-up sometime,” they said.

“That could be arranged.” Morgana did one last pass of wiping off her face and then pushed past Merlin into their hotel room.

“Before our next show?”

“Deal.” Morgana lay down on one the beds, spreading out her limbs and looking up at the ceiling.

“Do you miss Gwen?” Merlin asked.

“It’s been like four days,” Morgana said.

“I know. Still.”

Morgana propped herself up on her elbows. “Is it weird that I miss the way she smells?”

“No. That’s quite romantic, actually.”

Morgana lay back down. It really only had been a few days since she’d last seen Gwen, but she was already looking forward to seeing her again in Italy.

“How long has it been?” Merlin asked.

“How long has what been?”

“Since you got together.”

“Oh.” Morgana tried to think. “Two-ish months.”

“That long? Time’s really been flying.”

Morgana yawned and sat up. “I need a shower,” she said.

Merlin nodded and sat on the other bed, pulling their laptop out of their bag. Morgana grabbed her pyjamas and shut herself in the bathroom, turning on the shower and letting it heat up before she stepped in.

When she came back out, clean and refreshed, Merlin was still on their laptop.

“Anything good on the internet?” Morgana asked, still drying her hair.

“Hm?” Merlin looked up. “Oh. I was just emailing Arthur.”

Morgana draped her towel over her shoulders and sat on the edge of her bed, giving Merlin a long look. “We haven’t really talked about it.”

“Talked about what?” Merlin asked, looking back at their laptop.

“You and Arthur.”

“There is decidedly no ‘me and Arthur’.”

“No, but you know what I mean.”

Merlin shrugged. “I guess. It doesn’t matter, though. He’s not going to go against your wishes.” They glanced up. “And neither am I.”

“I know. And I appreciate that. You really both mean a lot to me, and I can’t risk things going bad.”

Merlin sighed and closed their laptop. “You know we’re adults, right?” they asked, slipping their laptop in their bag and getting off the bed. “We could handle a break up without ruining your life. Just because it went badly for you doesn’t mean it would go badly for us. I like to think I’m more mature than that.”

They started pulling clothes out of their bag, tossing them on the bed.

“Merlin…” Morgana started, but she didn’t know what to say.

“It’s fine.” Merlin grabbed the pile of clothes and went into the bathroom, and Morgana heard the shower turn on a moment later.

She gave her hair a few more squeezes with the towel, braided it, and then crawled into bed. She tried to stay up until Merlin came back out but ended up falling asleep to the sound of the running water.

~~~~

On Saturday morning, Arthur woke up and checked his email to find a message from Merlin, with several pictures attached.

**_To: apendragon@gmail.com  
From: emrys.mb@gmail.com  
Subject: denne tur er udmattende_ ** __

_Hey,_

_I’ve already caught Mordred wanking, to give you some idea as to what touring is like with this band. Also, your sister snores on planes. Like… very loudly._

_I wish we could stay in these cities longer. So far we haven’t had much time for anything besides travel and setting up for shows and doing some interviews. I’m kind of sick of playing translator right now, but we won’t be in Scandinavia much longer._

_You have no idea how cold it is here right now._

_Love,  
Merlin_

Arthur pulled up the photos and browsed through them. They were mostly of band members sleeping, either on planes or in hotel rooms. There were a few dark, blurry shots of their audiences during shows, presumably taken by Merlin from behind their drum kit.

Since Merlin hadn’t asked if Arthur was coming to Italy, Arthur decided to keep it a surprise as long as he could. He took a silly picture of himself with the camera on his laptop and sent it back to Merlin with a short response.

**_To: emrys.mb@gmail.com  
From: apendragon@gmail.com  
Subject: Re: denne tur er udmattende_ ** __

_If you don’t want to play translator, maybe you shouldn’t send me emails with the subject lines in a language I don’t speak._

After he hit ‘send,’ Arthur packed a change of clothes and headed to the gym.

~~~~

Arthur avoided Gwaine for most of the weekend by pretending to be ill. Instead, he wrote for the first time in months, sitting at his laptop for hours on end until his fingers finally caught up with his mind and he’d explored all of the ideas he’d been holding on to.

On Sunday night, Arthur went over to Gwaine’s flat with a bag full of boxer briefs he’d borrowed over the past couple of weeks.

“They’re all clean,” Arthur explained when he handed the bag over after Gwaine let him in. “I washed them.”

“Very thoughtful,” Gwaine said, smiling. He leaned in for a kiss, and Arthur let it happen but pulled back as Gwaine opened his mouth to deepen it.

“I, um… I haven’t actually been ill,” he admitted.

Gwaine nodded and dropped the bag of briefs on his floor. “I kind of figured.”

Arthur stayed awkwardly by the door, trying to remember the speech he’d practised on the way over.

“Shall we call it quits?” Gwaine asked, flopping down on his sofa.

“I’m sorry.”

Gwaine shrugged. “Don’t be. We were only ever doing this for fun.”

Arthur nodded and ran his hands through his hair. “I know. I’m still sorry, though. I feel like I should want more than just fun, but…”

“We can’t help who we fall for,” Gwaine said seriously. “Or who we don’t fall for. Just promise me you won’t try to start this up as soon as they’re back in the country.”

Arthur shook his head quickly. “No, I won’t. That wouldn’t be fair to you.”

Gwaine smiled. “Thanks. Well, I’m still here if you want to be friends. Do you want to stay for dinner? I promise I won’t try to fuck you.”

Arthur laughed and finally stepped away from the door. “Sure.”

~~~~

On Monday, Drea came to class with short hair and started signing tests as ‘Dre’. Arthur was careful to monitor the other students’ reactions, but no one seemed to care. He didn’t know if Dre was sharing the new name with anyone else, but the haircut was an obvious change and he couldn’t see or hear any students responding negatively.

Arthur hoped the week would go by as smoothly as the last one had, but on Tuesday, one of his biggest fears started becoming a reality. He walked into the staffroom at lunch and caught a snippet of a conversation between two other teachers.

“—office _reeked_ of brandy. He’s the fucking head—” Arthur glanced over and saw the teacher blushing and turning away from him. “—of lettuce was covered in dirt. Worst restaurant I’ve ever been to.”

As quickly as he could, Arthur heated up his lunch and left, deciding to eat in his father’s office. When he reached it, the door was closed and Arthur could hear laughter.

“He’s on a call,” Uther’s secretary, Helen, said, gesturing to one of the chairs lined up outside of his office. “You’re welcome to wait.”

Arthur sat down slowly and picked at the pasta in his container. He wasn’t hungry, but he forced himself to take a few bites.

“How is he today?” he asked.

Helen gave him a small smile. “He seems to be doing well. He’s sticking to his schedule.”

Arthur wasn’t sure how to respond to that, so he went back to his lunch. Helen was the only staff member besides Lance and Gwen that he’d ever talked to about his father’s drinking. She was always quick to insist that Uther was fine.

He was finished eating by the time Helen picked up her phone, dialled in to Uther’s office, and said, “Your son is here.”

“Send him in,” Arthur heard Uther’s authoritative voice through the receiver.

Helen hung up and nodded at Arthur, who left his empty container on his chair before going into his father’s office and closing the door behind him.

The smell of brandy was unmistakable.

“How are you today?” Uther asked, leaning back in his chair and giving Arthur a wide smile.

Arthur took a deep breath and held out his hand. “Give me your keys.”

Uther’s expression faltered slightly. “What?”

“Your keys. Give them to me.”

“Is there something of yours in my car?” Uther asked, unmoving.

“No, but I’m not going to have you drunk driving on your way home from work.”

Uther’s eyes narrowed as he leaned forward. “Excuse me?”

“Give me your keys,” Arthur said again. “Call a cab. Get some help.”

“I don’t need—” Uther tried to stand but ended up almost falling out of his chair.

Arthur went over to where Uther’s coat was hanging on the back of the door and fished the car keys out of the pocket.

“Arthur!”

Ignoring his father’s protests, Arthur walked back out to Helen’s desk. “Make sure he finds a way home,” he said quietly. “Try and find some sort of car service that can start taking him to and from work every day.” He glanced down at the keys he was holding and realised his hand was shaking. “And don’t let anyone else see him today.”

Not waiting for Helen’s response, Arthur put Uther’s keys in his pocket, grabbed his container off the chair, and went back to his classroom for his afternoon classes.

~~~~

The band had a few days between gigs after they left Sweden, and Morgana spent most of it doing walking tours of Hamburg, taking the opportunity to get some alone time. Aglain was procuring them a tour van for the next few weeks, and she knew the band would eventually get sick of being around each other so much. They’d toured together before, with the exception of Merlin, and she knew how valuable time by herself really was.

The night before their first German show, Morgana had a hotel room to herself, and the first thing she did after getting back from dinner was get on a video call with Gwen.

“Hi,” Gwen said, grinning into her camera. “Hi, hi, hi. How’s Germany? Tell me everything.”

Morgana propped herself up near the pillows and told Gwen about the tours she’d taken, the museums she’d been to, the interesting food she’d eaten.

“Tomorrow we’ve got a radio interview in the morning, and then we’re playing a show in the evening, and then we’ll be off to Berlin.”

“So glamorous,” Gwen teased.

“It’s not,” Morgana promised. “Although I did win the room lottery tonight, so I’m all by myself. I’ve been sharing with Merlin so far.”

“How is our darling Merlin?” Gwen asked. “Holding up okay on their first tour?”

“Seems to be.” Morgana sighed. “We talked a little about the Arthur thing. They made me feel… I don’t know, foolish, maybe. Like, they _are_ both adults, and they _are_ both mature, I just… that’s not a guarantee, you know? Morgause and I were adults, and we were both mature, and it still ended as horribly as it could have done.”

“Was Morgause prone to drama before you split?” Gwen asked.

The answer was a resounding ‘yes’, but Morgana didn’t want to admit that. She didn’t want to admit that she might be in the wrong with the whole Merlin and Arthur thing. She didn’t want to be the dramatic one. She just wanted to _avoid_ drama.

“Well, something’s got to give at some point,” Gwen said. “They can’t continue on like they have been.”

“No,” Morgana agreed. “Maybe this time apart will be good for them. Maybe Arthur can get more serious about Gwaine, and Merlin can, I don’t know, have some fabulously wonderful tour fling.”

“Maybe. Arthur called things off with Gwaine, though.”

“Maybe he can find a real boyfriend, then. Or girlfriend. Whatever it is he wants.”

“Maybe,” Gwen said.

Morgana could tell that Gwen didn’t really believe any of those things would happen, but she didn’t want to discuss it any further.

“You want to have phone sex?” she asked.

Gwen smiled slyly. “Yeah?”

“Yeah. Who knows the next time I’ll have my own room.”

“Then we should definitely take advantage.”

“Glad we’re on the same page,” Morgana said and started pulling off her clothes.

~~~~

When Arthur got home after an exhausting day of fretting over his father, he turned off his mobile, unwilling to face the consequences of his actions if he found out any rumours had started among the staff. He checked his email warily, relieved to only find a new message from Merlin.

_**To: apendragon@gmail.com  
From: emrys.mb@gmail.com  
Subject: Re: denne tur er udmattende** _

_Finally got a tour bus! No more planes. I don’t think that’s going to help Morgana’s snoring, though. Do you snore this badly?_

_The first week of touring has been great, much better than I thought it would be, actually. Playing so many shows is exciting. There’s always a lot of adrenaline. It’s exhausting but in a really satisfying way. We’ve met a lot of really cool fans so far. They’re mostly interested in buying us drinks, which is pretty great. They’re also interested in hitting on everyone, especially Morgana, and it’s hilarious to watch her be so awkward about it._

There was a picture of the tour bus attached, with all the band members standing next to it, giving thumbs-up to the camera.

_**To: emrys.mb@gmail.com  
From: apendragon@gmail.com  
Subject: Re: denne tur er udmattende** _

_No, I do not snore._

_I’m glad you’re enjoying the tour. It looks like you’re all having a lot of fun._

_Things here are less than fun right now. Some other teachers have noticed my dad’s drinking, so I’m going to have to figure out what to do. I need him to retire at the end of the year, but it’s not going to be an endless fight to get him to agree to it. I don’t know what else to do, though. Please don’t share any of this with Morgana._

_Have fun with the groupies. Try not to get anyone pregnant._

Arthur hit ‘send’ without re-reading his response. He didn’t want to think about fans hitting on Merlin and buying them drinks. Merlin was single and welcome to sleep with whomever they wanted, but it still bothered Arthur. He almost wished he still had Gwaine, but he couldn’t do anything about that now—he’d promised not to use Gwaine as a crutch anymore, and Gwaine would know something was wrong if he went back on that so soon.

~~~~

The next day, Arthur went to his father’s office during his lunch break. Helen let him in immediately, and he found Uther typing on his computer. He looked put together, clean-shaven and clear-eyed. He looked sober. The office didn’t reek of brandy.

“You seem… well,” Arthur said, closing the door and sitting in of the chairs in front of Uther’s impressive desk.

“Do you need something?” Uther asked without looking away from his computer. “Come to harass me again? Or do you have another ridiculous request for one of your students?”

“It’s not ridiculous to protect trans students,” Arthur said. “And I’m not here to harass you.”

“Good. Then if you’ll excuse me, I have a meeting with the Governors in a few minutes.”

“Of course you do,” Arthur muttered. Of course Uther would only bother to be sober for something like that. “Don’t suppose you’ll be announcing your retirement to them?”

Uther looked away from his computer to glare at Arthur. “Is there something you need?”

“No.” Arthur stood, resisting the urge the say that his father was a lot more friendly when he was drunk. An intoxicated Uther wasn’t exactly pleasant to deal with, but a sober one wasn’t a walk in the park, either. Without alcohol to take the edge off, he was always so harsh, so judgemental, so ready to criticise any little thing he found wrong with Arthur and his life and his choices.

Arthur set Uther’s keys down on the desk and let himself out without saying goodbye, and Uther didn’t call after him either.

He went back to his classroom and busied himself by scrolling through the news on his mobile. He hated visiting his father during the day. Drunk or sober, it always made Arthur feel worse afterwards.

He just had to get through this week, and the next week, and then it would be half-term and he could go to Italy with his friends and see Morgana and Merlin again.

He checked his email on the off chance that there might be a message from Merlin and found, to his surprise, that there was.

_**To: apendragon@gmail.com  
From: emrys.mb@gmail.com  
Subject: Re: denne tur er udmattende** _

_I’m so sorry to hear about your dad. I can’t imagine how hard that must be to try to deal with. I hope you’re able to take some time for yourself. He’s not your responsibility. I promise I won’t share anything you tell me with Morgana._

_I’m not out to get anyone pregnant (that was quite a rude thing to say, to be honest)._

_Anyway, here’s some pictures of Hamburg, it’s very pretty here. Morgana’s going to do my makeup before the show tonight, which I’m excited about. Hopefully she doesn’t mess it up._

Arthur looked through the photos, distracted by the idea of Merlin in makeup. He bet they would look good with a little something on the eyes, maybe some lipstick.

Students started filtering into the classroom, and Arthur put his mobile away and got ready to continue on with his day.

~~~~

The rest of the week went by without incident, and then Arthur found himself alone again on a Friday night. He ordered himself a pizza and ate it on the sofa, watching a film on the telly and drinking some wine in an attempt to relax.

When he was feeling properly unwound, he pulled out his laptop. He’d been putting off responding to Merlin’s email from the other day, and he finally felt like he was in the right headspace to do so.

_**To: emrys.mb@gmail.com  
From: apendragon@gmail.com  
Subject: Re: denne tur er udmattende** _

_I’m sorry about the pregnancy comment, that was uncalled for._

_Hamburg looks lovely. I hope you’re having a good time on tour and aren’t too sick of your bandmates yet. And I hope Morgana didn’t mess up your makeup, though I think she’s generally pretty good at that kind of thing. She put mascara on me once when we were teenagers. Sadly there are no pictures to share, but I looked damn fine, if I do say so myself. I bet you looked lovely as well._

_I have one week left of school before half-term, and I am extremely ready for a break._

He left it at that and sent it off before spending a few hours drafting up a new story. It wasn’t anything mind-blowing, but it was keeping him entertained, and it was good to have something to do besides stare at the telly.

Before he knew it, it was past midnight, but he still wasn’t tired. He was considering taking a bath with his wine when he got another email.

_**To: apendragon@gmail.com  
From: emrys.mb@gmail.com  
Subject: Re: denne tur er udmattende** _

_I can’t believe you teased me with that story of you in mascara and didn’t even have a picture to share. I asked Morgana if she had one and she sent me the link to your drag performance, so now I have that saved. I think she got it from Gwen, if you want someone to blame._

_Are you up?_

Arthur responded quickly that he was up, and a moment later he got an email with a link to a video meeting. He clicked it, and a new window opened up on his computer. Merlin’s face took up most of the window, his own face in a tiny box in the corner.

Apparently Morgana had done Merlin’s makeup again, because they were definitely wearing lipstick. It was a dark colour, and it stood out boldly against Merlin’s pale skin. They had colour on their eyelids as well. Arthur couldn’t quite tell from the poor picture quality, but it looked to be gold.

“Wow,” he said, taking in the image Merlin presented.

“Do I look as lovely as you imagined?” Merlin asked, batting their eyelashes.

Arthur smirked. “About as lovely, yeah. Is makeup your new thing?”

“Not really, I’ve always been into it. Sometimes I take a break... now I guess I’m back into it.”

Arthur nodded. “Did you have a show tonight?”

“We did. And I’ve a hotel room to myself for once.”

“Do you usually share?”

“Yeah, I’ve been kipping with Morgana, mostly. Sometimes Freya.”

“Do you at least get separate beds?” Arthur asked.

“Yes,” Merlin said, laughing. “We’re not _that_ broke.”

“Just checking.”

“I was wondering if you wanted to play Scrabble.”

“Wow, you have a whole hotel room to yourself, and _that’s_ what you want to do with your night?”

“Fuck off.”

Arthur chuckled and opened up their usual website, starting a game and inviting Merlin. He shifted the windows around on his screen until he could see both the game board and the video call. His gaze kept slipping back to Merlin’s face and their makeup. They really did look good. They looked pretty. Mostly they looked perfectly natural and completely comfortable with the look. Arthur couldn’t believe it had been so long and he was still this attracted to Merlin. Every new look they presented just made Arthur want them more. They just always exuded confidence, and Arthur couldn’t help but find that sexy.

“Where’s your next show?” Arthur asked as he placed his first tiles.

“Switzerland.”

“I’ve always wanted to go there.”

“I’ll get you a souvenir.”

“Yeah? Like what?”

“Like a watch. Swiss watches are cheap, right?”

“Shut up and take your turn.”

Merlin smiled and did so. “So, have you listened to that playlist at all?” they asked after they’d gone.

“I have,” Arthur said, thinking of all the love songs on it.

“You should make me one in return. It’s only fair.”

“Perhaps.”

“I’m serious,” Merlin said. “I need something to keep me sane in the tour van.”

“You just listen to music the whole time?” Arthur shuffled his tiles, trying to find a word.

“Not much else to do besides that or sleep. Sometimes I listen to podcasts or audiobooks, but I always zone out and miss half the things being said. So, I just listen to music and play games on my mobile. Or watch a film on Morgana’s tablet, but the battery life on that thing is truly awful.”

“Sounds thrilling, honestly.”

“I never said life on the road was thrilling.”

“I suppose you didn’t.”

“Are you going to take a turn or what?” Merlin asked.

Arthur sighed and played the only word he could find even though it didn’t net him many points. “All right, your turn. And I’ll try to make you a playlist.”

“Thank you.”

“You’re welcome. Hurry up.”

Merlin smirked and placed his tiles.

They continued on like that for over an hour until Merlin finally started yawning, which made Arthur start yawning in return.

“I suppose we should call this quits so you can get your beauty rest,” Arthur said.

“You think I’m beautiful?”

Arthur rolled his eyes. “Yes, you’re gorgeous.”

Merlin grinned. “I know.”

“And so modest.”

“One of my many good traits.”

“Good _night_ , Merlin.”

“Goodnight,” Merlin said. “Thanks for keeping me company.”

“Anytime. Honestly.”

Merlin gave a wave and the video call ended. Arthur put his laptop away and got ready for bed, already planning out which songs he would add to Merlin’s playlist.

~~~~

The last week of school before half-term was miserable. The students were clearly in need of a holiday as much as Arthur, and class discussions were like pulling teeth. Arthur did his best to keep up his energy, but he was mostly checked out.

Gwen didn’t seem to be faring much better. Even at the weekly QSA meeting, which both of them usually looked forward to, she clearly struggled to maintain interest. Arthur couldn’t blame her.

When Friday afternoon finally rolled around, Arthur stopped by Gwen’s classroom on his way out.

“When are you Lance flying out?” he asked, watching her pack up her bag.

“Tomorrow morning, first thing. I can’t believe you’re not going.”

“I might be going.”

Gwen glanced up at him. “What does that mean?” Arthur shrugged, and Gwen narrowed her eyes. “What did you do?”

“I may have bought a plane ticket.”

Gwen closed up her bag and slung it over her shoulder. “Why didn’t you say anything?”

“I wanted it to be a surprise.”

“For who?”

Arthur didn’t answer that. He followed her out of her classroom and towards the front of the school.

“When are you getting to Rome?” she asked when they reached the car park.

“Monday. You said you guys are going up to Milan next weekend, right?”

“Yeah, for their show on Saturday. Are you coming with us for that, too?”

“No, I’m flying back out of Rome on Friday.” Arthur followed Gwen to her car.

“I can’t believe you booked this whole trip for yourself and didn’t say anything.” Gwen opened her car and put her bag inside. “I’m sure Merlin will appreciate the effort, though.”

“I didn’t do it for them,” Arthur said. “I need a holiday as much as anyone. Besides, Morgana will be just as surprised.”

Gwen gave him a sceptical look. “Right, this is a surprise for _Morgana_.”

“Whatever. Can I meet up with you guys for dinner on Monday after I land?”

“If you insist.” Gwen leaned up to give him a hug. “See you in a few days.”

Arthur stepped back and waited for her to pull out of the parking spot before he headed to his own car.

He changed out of his work clothes as soon as he got home and planted himself on the sofa with his laptop and some wine. He wrote for a while, letting go of the stress of the week by focusing on fictional characters with fictional problems. Then, when the words stopped flowing, he poured himself some more wine and let himself refresh his email half a dozen times.

He hadn’t heard from Merlin since the previous weekend. He’d written them an email the day after their Scrabble call, but Merlin had yet to respond.

Rationally, he knew that Merlin was busy. He knew that they probably didn’t have the time or space to be pulling out their laptop to respond to Arthur’s email. He knew that they probably had better things to do with their time, like sight-seeing, interviewing, and sleeping.

He had been waiting for Merlin’s reply to send the playlist he’d made, but when midnight came and went with still no email, he decided it was time.

_**To: emrys.mb@gmail.com  
From: apendragon@gmail.com  
Subject: buon giorno** _

_Here’s a link to the playlist I made for you. I hope the tour is going well. I certainly couldn’t spend that much time with Morgana._

_https://open.spotify.com/playlist/…_

_I hope you have a good time with Gwen and Lance in Italy!_

He sent it off, smiling at the thought of surprising Merlin in Rome in just a few days, and went to bed.

~~~~

Arthur landed in Rome on Monday afternoon and made his way to his hotel, staring out the window of the taxi to take in the sights along the way. It had been a long time since he’d bothered travelling anywhere, he’d forgotten how exhilarating it was to be somewhere completely new and foreign. It was invigorating, and the holiday had only just started.

He met Gwen and Lance for dinner that first night and spent Tuesday and Wednesday following them around the city, taking in as much culture as he could. He felt surrounded by history, and he was getting so many ideas for new stories.

He spent his evenings writing in his hotel room, using all the inspiration he was soaking up during the day and drinking delicious wine. He continued emailing with Merlin as well, pretending for the sake of the surprise that he was back at home enjoying his week off school from the comfort of his own home.

Merlin had written back a quick ‘thank you’ after Arthur had sent off the playlist, but that had been their only reaction. Arthur wondered if they were as surprised by the love songs as he had been for his playlist. Maybe he’d gone too far with his selections.

Then again, he was entirely sure Merlin was still on the same page as him in terms of how they felt about each other.

He couldn’t wait to see Merlin’s face when he showed up at their concert.

On Thursday, Gwen and Lance got together with the band while Arthur got in a few hours of solo sight-seeing. In the evening, he met up with them outside the venue, and they went inside together to find a place to stand.

It took nearly an hour for the opening act to start, and then there was a long break after they finished. By the time Ben and the Franklins came on, Arthur’s feet were already hurting.

The rush of being at a live show for the first time in weeks was worth the pain, though. The band was clearly at the top of their game, and Arthur let the energy and the lights and the music wash over him.

When the encore was done, Arthur followed Gwen and Lance out of the main hall and down an empty corridor. Gwen knocked on a door at the end and had a quick conversation with the man who opened it, and then they were allowed backstage.

“You piece of shit,” Morgana said when she saw him.

Arthur just smirked and looked around for Merlin, but they were nowhere to be seen. He went over to hug Morgana.

“It’s good to see you, too,” he said.

“Why didn’t you tell anyone you were coming?”

“It’s like you said,” Gwen said, “he’s a piece of shit.”

“I never should have introduced you two,” Arthur said.

Gwen just smiled sweetly. “Yes, well, you can’t turn back time. Ready?” she asked Morgana.

“Ready for what?” Arthur asked.

“We’re going for dinner,” Morgana said. “You’re not welcome to join us.”

Arthur looked around to see Lance talking with Freya and Mordred and Gilli talking to each other. Merlin was still missing from the scene.

“They’re in the dressing rooms,” Morgana said, nodding towards another corridor. “They’ve got some fancy wine or something.”

Arthur nodded and started to head off in that direction, but Morgana grabbed his arm, stopping him.

“Just… don’t do anything stupid,” she said.

Arthur pulled his arm out of her grip. “I _know_ , Morgana. You don’t have to beat a dead horse.”

“No, I mean…” She sighed and said, seemingly with difficulty, “I trust you. Just don’t do anything stupid.” She gave him a small smile and then left with Gwen.

Arthur watched as she left, trying to interpret what had just happened. Was she giving him permission to be with Merlin? Was she drunk? Why couldn’t she just speak plainly?

Taking a deep breath, Arthur went down the corridor and found a few closed doors that might have led to dressing rooms. He knocked on a few of them, but there were no responses until the third one when a voice called out, “Yeah?”

Arthur opened the door and found Merlin sitting in front of a mirror, putting on lipstick. He watched as Merlin’s eyes widened in the mirror, and then they turned around, lipstick still in hand.

“What—how? What?”

Arthur laughed and stepped inside, closing the door behind him. Merlin stood and pulled him in for a hug.

“What are you doing here?” they asked.

“Surprise!”

Merlin pulled back, grinning. “I can’t believe you’re here.”

“Believe it. Morgana said you had wine.”

“I do. I got this Sicilian wine earlier. It’s supposed to be pretty good.”

“Let’s crack into it, then.”

Still grinning, Merlin went over to the corner where their bag was. They were wearing a dark red dress with a thin belt around the waist and black leggings. The dress sleeves covered most of their arm tattoos, but Arthur could still see the feathers on their forearms. It was a good look.

Arthur sat down on the sofa that was opposite the mirror and watched as Merlin opened the bottle.

“I don’t have any glasses,” they said, sitting back down at the mirror.

“I don’t mind.”

Merlin took the first sip. “Damn, that’s good,” they said. “And strong.” They passed the bottle to Arthur.

Arthur took a swig. “Very good,” he said appreciatively. He checked the label and, amongst the Italian, saw a 20%. “And very strong,” he agreed. “So, have you listened to the playlist?”

“I have,” Merlin said, taking back the bottle. “I appreciated your song choices. A lot.”

Arthur smiled proudly. “Thanks. I liked yours too.”

Merlin took another sip. “I can’t believe you came all the way here in secret. When did you arrive?”

“Monday. I spent the week with Gwen and Lance but trusted them not to spill the beans.”

“Are you coming up to Milan as well?”

“No, I’m flying out of here tomorrow afternoon.”

Merlin nodded and drank some more before passing the bottle back. “Shame.”

Arthur took a long sip. “Did Morgana do your makeup again?”

“I did it myself today,” Merlin said, smiling. “How’s it look?”

“Really good,” Arthur said. Their red lips matched their red dress, and somehow their blue eyes were standing out even more than usual.

“Can I do yours?”

“Do my what?”

“Your makeup.”

Arthur laughed and took another drink. “Really?”

“Yeah. You’d look good.”

“You’ve seen the drag video. I don’t know if ‘good’ is the right word.”

“I’m not going to do drag makeup on you,” Merlin said. “Just lipstick. Maybe some eyeliner.”

Arthur shrugged, feeling warm and relaxed and agreeable thanks to the wine. Merlin stood, and Arthur got into the chair by the mirror. He took a few more sips of wine as Merlin got ready.

“Okay.” Merlin leaned over Arthur, grabbed hold of his face, and started applying lipstick. Arthur glanced at the mirror out of the corner of his eye and saw that Merlin was applying a much brighter shade of red than the one they were wearing. “Go like this,” they said, rubbing their lips together.

Arthur did so, spreading the lipstick around, and then Merlin blotted his lips with a tissue. His lips felt weird but not bad, and he took a proper look at himself in the mirror.

“Well,” he said. “I’ve certainly got lipstick on.”

Merlin smirked and grabbed hold of his face again. “Close your eyes.”

Arthur knew it was coming, but he was still startled by Merlin poking at his eyes with the eyeliner. This took longer, and Merlin kept telling him to open and close his eyes as they worked, and Arthur imagined he would come out of this looking like a raccoon.

“Okay,” Merlin finally said, letting go of Arthur’s chin. “That’ll do.”

Arthur took a swig of wine before looking at himself in the mirror.

Merlin had put most of the liner on the outside edge of his eyes. He was pretty sure it was called wings.

“Well?” Merlin asked.

“I look…” Arthur tilted his head, considering himself. “I look pretty.”

Merlin grinned. “Yeah, you do.”

Arthur laughed and moved back over to the sofa. Merlin sat in the chair and took a swig of wine.

“We should eat,” they said. “I’ve got focaccia in my bag.”

“Why?”

Merlin giggled. “I don’t know. I bought it earlier. It looked good.”

“Let’s have it, then.”

Merlin pulled it out of their bag and broke off two pieces, handing one to Arthur. Arthur shoved the whole thing in his mouth.

“Delicious,” he said around his mouthful.

Merlin took a smaller, more polite bite.

They continued like that, eating focaccia and drinking the wine, until Aglain knocked on the door.

“They’re closing,” he called out.

“Thanks!” Merlin shouted back. “Guess we should head out,” they said to Arthur.

Arthur stood from the sofa, and his head swam. “Whoa,” he said, reaching out to get his hand on the wall.

“You all right?”

Arthur blinked to clear his vision. “Yeah. Give us another piece of that bread.”

Merlin handed over the last of the focaccia and started putting all their makeup in their bag. “Should we leave the wine?”

“Is it legal to carry it with us?” Arthur asked, thinking he needed to stop drinking it either way.

“I have no idea. Guess I’ll just leave it here.” Merlin took one last sip and set it down on the vanity. “Fancy a walk?”

“Definitely.”

Arthur followed Merlin out of the concert venue and into the car park behind it.

“There’s our van,” Merlin said, pointing out one of the vehicles. “Let me chuck my bag in.”

They went over to it and tried the door, but it was locked.

“Oh,” they said, laughing. “I do _not_ have the keys.”

Arthur laughed, his legs a little weak, and leaned against the van for support. Merlin kept laughing as well, and soon enough they were both lost in a fit of giggles over the fact that Merlin had tried to open the van without the keys.

Merlin staggered a little, losing their balance, and Arthur reached out to steady them. He grabbed them around the waist, and they straightened up, stepping closer, and then they were leaning against Arthur, still laughing.

“I’m an idiot,” they wheezed.

Arthur chuckled and raised one hand to Merlin’s hair, brushing it out of their face. Merlin stifled a laugh, their eyes locked with Arthur’s. They were so blue, so lovely. Arthur wanted to drown in them.

“Arthur,” Merlin whispered.

“Yeah.” Arthur brushed his thumb over Merlin’s red lips, and Merlin exhaled and leaned into him further. Arthur lit up from the contact, his heart pounding somewhere near his throat. “Merlin.”

“Yeah.”

Arthur cupped their cheek and moved forward for a kiss. Merlin’s lips were warm, and Arthur’s felt like they were sparking. Merlin opened their mouth, and Arthur let himself feast, taking what he wanted, taking what he had been dreaming about for months.

Merlin got their hands on Arthur’s sides and gripped him tightly, pulling him against them as much as possible. Arthur pressed forward, leaning Merlin against whatever car was next to the band’s van. Merlin gasped against his lips, and Arthur moaned into the kiss.

“Arthur,” Merlin whispered.

“Merlin.”

“We should get out of the car park.”

Arthur chuckled. “Okay. Come back to my hotel room?”

Merlin nodded, and Arthur stepped away. Merlin followed close, taking Arthur’s hand in theirs. Arthur led the way and kept noticing that people were staring at them. He wondered if they somehow stood out as tourists. Did they look particularly English? Merlin wasn’t even English, he remembered belatedly.

When someone catcalled them and Merlin tightened his grip on Arthur’s hand, he asked, “What’s with all the looks we’re getting?”

“Probably the makeup. Also my dress.”

“Oh.” Arthur had completely forgotten about the makeup.

“Do you like my dress?” Merlin asked quietly.

Arthur stopped walking and pulled Merlin in for a hard kiss. “I fucking love it.”

Merlin beamed at him, and Arthur tugged them towards the hotel, wanting to get more of them as soon as possible.

Once they were safely inside Arthur’s room, Merlin dropped his bag to the floor and grabbed Arthur by the shirt, tugging him in for a kiss. Arthur crowded them against the door, getting his hands in their hair.

Merlin grabbed hold of Arthur’s hips and pressed their own forward, and Arthur groaned at the friction. He wanted Merlin so badly, and he loved knowing Merlin wanted him as well.

“Arthur,” Merlin gasped when Arthur ducked down to kiss their neck. “Let’s—” They moaned, and the sound went straight to Arthur’s cock. He carried on, licking and sucking and listening to the sounds Merlin was making until Merlin pushed him away.

Their neck was covered in bright red lipstick.

“Oh,” Arthur said, staring at the mess he’d made.

“Let’s take off our makeup,” Merlin said, and Arthur nodded.

Merlin pulled some stuff out of their bag and led Arthur into the bathroom, sitting him down on the edge of the tub.

“Close your eyes,” they said before wiping something across Arthur’s eyes.

It took a lot of wiping—Arthur’s eyelids were starting to feel raw—but Merlin eventually moved on to cleaning off Arthur’s lips. Arthur knew he could open his eyes, _should_ open his eyes, but he couldn’t manage it. He was so warm and tired, and everything felt slow.

“You’re all set,” Merlin said, and Arthur forced himself to open his eyes. “You look tired,” they said before they moved to stand in front of the mirror to take off their own makeup.

Arthur closed his eyes again.

“Okay.” Merlin kissed Arthur’s forehead. “Let’s get to bed, yeah?”

Arthur looked up at them. “What about…” He gestured vaguely, and Merlin laughed.

“Let’s try again in the morning.”

Arthur yawned and let Merlin pull him up off the tub. He went out to the room and rifled through his case until he found a clean pair of pants. He changed in the bathroom and when he came back out, Merlin was sitting on the edge of the bed.

“Do you want something to sleep in?” Arthur asked. Merlin just stared at him, and Arthur realised he was topless and on display. “Um.”

“I’ll take whatever you’ve got to spare,” Merlin said.

Arthur went over to his case and found a t-shirt and another pair of pants. He handed them over, and Merlin changed in the bathroom, coming back out and hanging their dress up in the entryway. Arthur watched as Merlin pulled back the covers, fluffed a pillow, and slid into bed.

“Coming?” they asked.

Arthur turned out the light and joined them on the other side of the bed. It was large enough that there was plenty of room between them, but for some reason that made Arthur feel lonely.

“Merlin?” he asked.

“Hm.”

Arthur turned onto his side and reached out under the covers, his hand landing on Merlin’s stomach. Merlin scooted closer, and Arthur fitted his arm around their middle. They were warm, soft, and Arthur could smell them this close up.

“Better?” Merlin asked.

“Yeah,” Arthur breathed, already half asleep.

~~~~

Arthur woke up on his stomach, one of Merlin’s arms draped across his back. It was warm and comforting, and it felt so right. He stayed still, not wanting to ruin the moment.

He nearly fell back asleep, but then Merlin shifted and got out of bed. Arthur heard him go into the bathroom, and he rolled over onto his back, peering blearily up at the ceiling. He had no idea what time they’d gone to bed the night before, but he definitely felt like he hadn’t gotten enough sleep, especially after drinking so much.

“I borrowed your toothbrush,” Merlin said when they came back out of the bathroom. They looked cute in Arthur’s shirt and pants, but Arthur didn’t get much of a look before they crawled back under the covers. They curled up at Arthur’s side and Arthur wrapped an arm around them.

“How’d you sleep?” Arthur asked.

“Had a weird drunk dream about the tour van. I think I was driving it. And you were the police chasing after me because I don’t actually have a license.”

Arthur chuckled and shifted slightly, pulling Merlin closer and breathing in the scent of their hair. “Sounds stressful.”

“Mhm.”

Arthur closed his eyes, enjoying the easy quiet between him and Merlin.

“Arthur?”

“Hm?” Arthur stirred, trying to pull himself back from the brink of sleep.

“Go clean your teeth.”

Arthur pressed a kiss to Merlin’s hair and got out of bed. When he came back from the bathroom, Merlin was sitting on top of the covers, doing something on their mobile.

“What time is it?” Arthur asked.

“Too early.” Merlin set their mobile down on the nightstand and looked up at Arthur, a small smile on their lips.

Arthur walked over and leaned down for a kiss.

“Mm,” Merlin said, smiling against Arthur’s lips. “Minty fresh.”

Arthur chuckled and carded his fingers through Merlin’s hair. “I don’t want to face the day.”

“We don’t have to. We can just stay here.”

“Aren’t you leaving for Milan?”

“In a bit.” Merlin pulled Arthur’s hand out of their hair and pressed a kiss to his fingertips. “Thank you for coming to see me.”

“You’re very welcome.”

“So… what are we going to do about Morgana?”

“Nothing,” Arthur said. “She knows she’s being ridiculous.”

“Maybe, but still.”

“Last night she told me that she trusts me. I think that was her way of backing off.”

Merlin looked up at Arthur, their eyelashes long and pretty. Arthur’s chest ached a little at how gentle they looked, at how domestic this felt, at how they had both already apparently decided that they were doing this, that they were in this, in this together.

“Really?” they asked.

“Really. Besides, I don’t want to play games anymore.”

“What do you want?”

Arthur cupped Merlin’s face, brushing his thumb over their cheek. “You.”

Merlin’s smile was shy, and Arthur leaned down to kiss it. Merlin lay down, pulling Arthur on top of them, and Arthur fit himself between Merlin’s thighs as the kiss deepened. Merlin lifted their legs around Arthur’s waist, pulling him down and grinding up against him.

Arthur broke the kiss to get his lips back on Merlin’s neck, and, just like they had the night before, Merlin started making these quiet, pleased sounds that just spurred Arthur on. They got a hand on Arthur’s arse, pulling him against them, and Arthur started rocking his hips. He kissed up to Merlin’s ear, and Merlin shuddered deliciously against him.

“Should we slow down?” Arthur asked. He was raring to go now that he finally had access to what he had been wanting for so long, but he didn’t know what Merlin might be up for.

“No,” Merlin whispered, moving their hands to Arthur’s hips and pulling them down as they pushed theirs up.

Arthur sat back and pulled Merlin’s shirt off, revealing their sleeve tattoos and a smooth, defined chest. He leaned down to flick his tongue against one of Merlin’s nipples, and Merlin’s back arched off the bed.

“You like that?” Arthur asked, and then he did it again.

Merlin nodded, their jaw tight, so Arthur did it again and again, moving between their nipples, working them over. He was getting lost in it, lost in the sounds Merlin was making, lost in the feeling of turning Merlin on, lost in the way Merlin’s chest was stuttering as they breathed.

Then Merlin reached between them, rubbing themself through Arthur’s borrowed pants, and Arthur decided that was enough. He sat up and, locking his eyes with Merlin’s, pulled off their pants. Merlin bit their lip, and Arthur looked down to see their cock, hard and full and perfect, lying against their stomach.

Arthur wrapped a hand around it, gave it a few strokes, and Merlin squirmed.

“Don’t go too fast,” they said.

Arthur smirked and built up a slow, steady pace that would have had him losing his mind. He looked down at Merlin, admiring the view and taking in the look on their face, the flush on their chest, the way their hands were clenched around the sheets. It was everything he could have hoped for, and it was really happening.

“Good?” Arthur asked.

Merlin nodded, looking pained, and Arthur let go of their cock to brush his fingers over their balls. Merlin exhaled sharply and shifted their hips. Arthur gave their balls a quick tug before returning attention to their cock. That made Merlin gasp, and after barely a few more strokes, they reached out and grabbed Arthur’s wrist, forcing him to stop.

Arthur looked up, and Merlin had their eyes closed and their head tossed back on the pillow. They pulled at Arthur’s wrist, and Arthur let go of their cock and rubbed his hands up and down their thighs.

“All right?” Arthur asked.

Merlin sat up and pulled Arthur in for a kiss. “You’ve no idea how much I want you,” they said.

“I feel the same.” Arthur wrapped his arms around Merlin and leaned forward, tipping them back onto the bed. “You smell so fucking good.”

Merlin laughed, their body shaking in Arthur’s grip, and Arthur reached between them to get his hand back on Merlin’s cock. Merlin gasped, and Arthur kissed them roughly, moving his hand much quicker than he had done before. His own cock was aching, and somehow he already felt like he was on the edge, like he might come in his pants just from touching Merlin.

“Fuck,” Merlin moaned against Arthur’s lips. “Arthur, I’m—fuck, please, keep going, keep—” They came with a breathy groan, their shoulders curling off the bed, their cock pulsing hotly in Arthur’s hand.

Arthur continued stroking them, his grip a little lighter, his rhythm a little slower, until Merlin finally got a hand between them and pulled Arthur away. They leaned up for a kiss, sloppy and intense, and it made Arthur feel a rush of something new and even more heated. He wanted Merlin. He wanted them all for himself. He didn’t want them to go to Milan and continue with the tour. He just wanted them here, in this bed, for the rest of time.

Merlin pulled back from the kiss and relaxed into the pillows with a satisfied smile. Arthur sat up and looked down at them. They looked happy, despite the fact that they were covered in come. Arthur was considering leaning down and licking it off them when they let out a groan, and not in a sexy way.

“Fuck, I’ve got to be on the van soon.” Merlin propped themself up on their elbows.

“How soon?”

“Like an hour.”

“Well, you can’t leave like this,” Arthur said, nodding down at the mess on Merlin’s front.

“No.” Merlin glanced between Arthur and the clock on the nightstand. “I think I have time for a shower. Care to join me?”

“Are you sure?”

Merlin nodded, grinning, and they both got off the bed. Arthur took a step towards the bathroom, but Merlin grabbed him by the waist and gave him a kiss before getting their hands in his pants and pushing them down.

“You really don’t have time—” Arthur started, but Merlin cut him off with another kiss.

“I’m not leaving here until you come.”

Arthur shivered and let Merlin pull him into the bathroom. They kissed in front of the sink as the shower warmed up, and then they stepped into the tub. Merlin washed themself off quickly, and they both used the little sample bottle of shampoo. Arthur was still hard, still hopeful even though they were running out of time.

Once their hair was rinsed, Merlin crowded Arthur against the shower wall and started pulling on his cock.

“I’m no good with deadlines,” Arthur warned.

Merlin smirked and considered him for a moment, then turned off the water and stepped out of the tub. Arthur sighed, resigned to wanking after Merlin left, and followed. They dried each other off, which kept Arthur’s cock interested, and then went back out to the room.

Arthur expected Merlin to start getting dressed, but instead they sat Arthur on the edge of the bed and got on their knees between Arthur’s legs.

Arthur’s cock jerked at the implication, and Merlin licked their lips.

“You really don’t have to,” Arthur said before Merlin could do anything. “You’ll be late.”

“You’re worth it,” Merlin said before leaning in. They licked the head of Arthur’s cock, and Arthur breathed in, realising this would be over fast.

Merlin opened their mouth, and Arthur watched as his cock disappeared between those flawless lips. Then he had to close his eyes because the sight of Merlin on their knees, naked, mouth stretched wide, was too much to cope with.

Merlin bobbed their head a few times and then pulled back and sucked on the tip of Arthur’s cock, and Arthur had to bite down a whimper. He could already feel it building, and he opened his eyes to see Merlin looking up at him.

“Fuck,” Arthur groaned.

Merlin smirked and pulled back, replacing their mouth with their hand and stroking Arthur’s cock quickly. “If we hadn’t just got out of the shower, I’d let you come on my face,” they said.

Arthur shuddered at the thought of Merlin’s lips dripping with come, their cheekbones splashed with it. He let out a groan, and Merlin dove back in with their mouth, and that was all it took to have Arthur coming. It crashed over him, taking his breath away, and he grabbed at Merlin’s hair to ground himself.

Merlin licked him through it, and when Arthur dropped his hands and fell back on the bed, they kissed a trail up Arthur’s front until they reached his mouth.

“Worth the wait?” they asked.

Arthur wrapped his arms around Merlin’s back, pulling them down on top of him. “Absolutely.”

Merlin gave him a long, sweet kiss before saying, “I do really have to go.”

“I know.” Arthur gave their arse a squeeze. “Let’s get dressed.”

Merlin stood, pulling Arthur with them, and went to change. Arthur got into clean clothes from his case, but Merlin changed back into the dress and leggings they’d worn the night before. The sight made Arthur want to rip off the dress and do their whole morning over again.

“Maybe should have brought a different change of clothes with me,” Merlin said, looking down at themself.

“Want me to walk with you?” Arthur asked.

Merlin looked up. “You don’t mind?”

“Not at all.”

They smiled, and Arthur gave them a kiss before escorting them out of the room.

~~~~

Morgana was ready to go, ready for the drive up to Milan, ready to get to the next hotel so she could continue her time with Gwen. They’d had such a lovely night alone together in Morgana’s hotel room. Freya had been back at Lance and Gwen’s hotel room with Lance, and Merlin was supposed to have shared a room with Mordred, but no one had seen them since leaving the venue.

The band met in the hotel car park and started loading up the van. Mordred brought down Merlin’s bags from the room they were supposed to have shared, and Gilli emerged looking well-rested after a night in his room alone, Aglain was double-checking directions, and Merlin was still missing.

Lance and Gwen arrived looking cosy and happy, and they brought breakfast pastries with them. Morgana helped herself to something jam-filled, and by the time she had finished, Merlin still hadn’t shown up.

They were supposed to leave in less than ten minutes. They had a schedule to keep, and Morgana hated when they started running behind. She had thought the rest of the band felt the same.

“Have you tried texting them?” Gwen asked, linking her arm with Morgana’s.

Morgana sighed and pulled out her mobile to see that Merlin had already taken care of that and texted her in advance.

**From: Merlin  
On my way!**

“See? They’ll be here soon,” Gwen said.

“They’d better be.”

“Hey.” Gwen unlinked her arm and moved to stand in front of Morgana. “They’re not late yet. It’s going to be all right.”

“I know, I just…” Morgana shook her head. “I just wish Arthur hadn’t shown up like this.”

“I thought you were letting it go,” Gwen said gently. “You said you trusted them.”

“I do,” Morgana said with difficulty. “I do.”

Gwen gave her a soft kiss. “It’s be all right,” she said. “There’s no crisis yet, and if there ever is one, you’ll survive it.”

Morgana smiled and leaned in for another kiss. “You’re right.”

“Ah,” Gwen said, looking over Morgana’s shoulder. “There they are.”

Morgana turned around to see Arthur and Merlin walking over to the van, Merlin still in their dress from the night before and Arthur avoiding looking at Morgana.

Merlin went straight for their bags and pulled out a clean set of clothes. “I’m changing behind that car,” they said, walking out of eyesight. “No peeking.”

Arthur’s gaze lingered in the direction Merlin had gone, and Morgana cleared her throat. Arthur still didn’t look at her.

“Have a good night?” she asked pointedly.

Arthur set his jaw and turned to look at her. “You’re never going to be able to be happy for me about this, are you?”

Morgana sighed and closed her eyes. She didn’t want to be unreasonable. She did want Arthur to be happy. And she wanted Merlin to be happy, too. If being together made them both happy, then so be it.

“I’m trying,” she said, opening her eyes.

Arthur nodded. “Thank you.”

“Are you coming up to Milan?”

“No, I’m flying home in a bit.”

“Good,” Morgana said. “Italy’s not big enough for the both of us.”

Arthur smiled and Morgana stepped closer for a hug. “It was good to see you,” she said.

“You, too.”

“Gross,” Merlin said as they reemerged.

Morgana laughed and let go of Arthur. She went back over to Gwen, pulling her in for a long hug. “I’ll miss you,” she said.

Gwen laughed. “You’ll see me in a few hours.”

“I know. I’ll still miss you.”

Gwen smiled sweetly and gave her a kiss. “I’ll miss you, too. Love you.”

Morgana let go of Gwen but went in for one last kiss before getting into the van. Mordred and Gilli followed, and Morgana watched out the window as Freya said goodbye to Lance. He and Gwen were taking a train up to Milan and would be meeting them there that evening, but even a few hours apart felt like a precious loss.

When Freya was loaded into the van, Morgana looked around for Merlin and saw them wrapped in an embrace with Arthur. She could see Arthur’s lips moving and wondered what he might be saying. It was hard to imagine her brother giving a heartfelt goodbye, but she knew he was a secret romantic. And she knew he really liked Merlin.

They kissed, long and sweet, and then Merlin climbed into the van. He sat himself next to Morgana on the front bench and gave Arthur a wave out the window. Morgana waved as well, and Aglain got into the driver’s seat and pulled out of the car park, leaving Arthur behind with Gwen and Lance.

“How was your night?” Morgana asked.

“Pretty drunken,” Merlin said. “Had a very nice morning, though.”

“I’m—” Morgana managed a smile. “I’m happy for you.”

“Are you?”

“Does he make you happy?”

“Yes.”

“Then I’m happy for you.”

Merlin returned her smile, and it was a brighter smile than she’d seen on them in a while. “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome.” She leaned her head on his shoulder. “Just don’t fuck it up.”

Merlin laughed. “I’ll try not to.”

“Good. Thanks.”

Merlin took out their headphones and mobile, and Morgana closed her eyes, ready for a nap.

~~~~

When Arthur got home that night, he was exhausted from travel and the minor time difference and the lack of sleep from the night before. He made himself a sandwich for dinner and tried to spend time watching the telly, but he kept falling asleep on the sofa. After it happened for a third time, he went to his room, undressing along the way.

His bed was cool and comforting after so many nights in hotels, but he missed having Merlin next to him.

In the morning, Arthur went for a long bike ride around the city. It wasn’t the sunniest day, but he was happy in a way he hadn’t been for a long time, and everything looked a little brighter, a little shinier because of it.

When he got home, he had a voice mail message on his mobile from a call he’d missed while on his bike.

It was from the local hospital.

Uther had crashed his car and was having emergency surgery.

Arthur dropped his mobile on the sofa and sat next to it, covering his face with his hands.

He had always dreaded this moment. He had been expecting it for years, and it had finally happened.

Pulling himself together, Arthur got up and went back out to his bike. He rode to the hospital, checked in with some nurses, and sat himself in the waiting room. And then he waited. And waited. And waited.

He felt like he was slowly coming apart at the seams. The unknown was weighing on him. He took out his mobile and started reading about emergency surgeries after car crashes. Then he decided he needed to definitely _not_ read about such things. He hadn’t brought his headphones, so he couldn’t distract himself listening to music, but he looked through Merlin’s playlist for him, and that helped a little.

Finally, a doctor emerged and gave Arthur a smile, and Arthur nearly lost it on the spot. He’d been so sure, _so_ sure that this would be the end. His mind was racing as the doctor spoke to him, and he barely comprehended most of it, but he understood that Uther had made it through surgery and would likely make a good recovery. Then he said something about the staff being on watch for alcohol withdrawal syndrome, and Arthur had to ask.

“Did he hit anyone? Was anyone else hurt?”

Again, the doctor gave him a smile. “No. Seems he simply drove off the road. I think there might have been some property damage, but no one was injured.”

Arthur nodded and tried to breathe again.

After that, Arthur was allowed in to see Uther. He was awake and groggy and most likely still drunk.

“You need to stop,” Arthur said. “This needs to be the end of this. I’m not picking up after you anymore.”

“You’ve never—”

“No,” Arthur said. He didn’t want to hear it. “You need to _stop_.”

Uther glared at Arthur for a long moment, and then he nodded. “I know. This was not how I intended to end half-term.”

“Where were you going?”

Uther didn’t respond, and Arthur took that to mean he’d been on his way to buy more alcohol.

“I’ve tried to stop in the past,” Uther said quietly. “It’s not easy.”

“I know. But you have to.”

Uther nodded, tears in his eyes. Arthur took a deep breath and stepped up to his bed, putting a hand on his father’s. Uther gripped Arthur’s hand hard.

“Thank you for coming.”

Arthur wasn’t sure what to say to that, so he said nothing, and they stayed in silence for a long while.

“How was your holiday?” Uther finally asked.

“I went to Italy. Morgana’s on tour, and I went to see one of their shows.”

“Italy?” Uther smiled. “I’ve always wanted to go. How was it? How—how is she?”

“She’s good,” Arthur said. “She and Gwen are very happy together.” Uther’s smile drooped a little. “And I’m with one of her band members,” Arthur continued, figuring he might as well drop the news while Uther seemed agreeable. “They’re the drummer.”

“She has two drummers?”

Arthur sighed. “No. They’re… they’re non-binary. You know, they/them instead of he/him or she/her.”

Uther frowned. “Arthur—”

“I’m not interested in your opinions,” Arthur said. “I’m just telling you about my life.”

Uther shook his head. “I’ll never understand you two.”

“And I’ll never understand you,” Arthur said. “And yet, here we are.”

“Here we are,” Uther agreed.

“Do you have anything left at your house?” Arthur asked.

“Anything?”

“Any alcohol. Do you have any there?”

“Well… yes. Of course.”

“I’ll go there. I’m throwing it all out.”

“Arthur—”

“No,” Arthur said. “This is the end, remember? I’m not having you go back to a house full of booze.” Uther looked like he was about to cry again, but he nodded. “I’ll go now,” Arthur said.

“Will you come back to see me?”

Arthur nodded and gave his father a pat on the shoulder before leaving. He rode his bike to Uther’s house and used his copy of the key to let himself in.

The house was a mess, but Arthur wasn’t there to clean up. He went straight for the liquor cabinet and started dumping everything down the sink. He found more bottles in the kitchen, more in the living room, more in Uther’s bedroom.

When he was satisfied he’d done everything he could to detox the house, Arthur went back to his flat and wrote a long email to Merlin detailing how he’d spent his afternoon.

Merlin phoned him within five minutes of hitting ‘send’.

“Hello?” Arthur asked after checking the time. He knew it must be close to show time for them.

“Are you all right?”

“I’m—” Arthur closed his eyes and took a deep breath. “Yes,” he said. “I’m all right.”

“I’m so, so sorry, Arthur. I wish I could be there with you.”

“You’re exactly where you’re supposed to be.”

“Still.”

“Still,” Arthur agreed. “How are you? How’s Milan? When’s your show?”

“Now-ish,” Merlin said. “I’m backstage. Morgana is glaring at me from across the room.”

Arthur smiled at the image. “I bet. You should go.”

“Are you sure you’re all right? I can phone you again after the show if that’s not too late.”

“That’s not too late.”

“All right. I’ll talk to you in a bit then. Do something nice for yourself in the meantime, yeah?”

“I’ll try. Break a leg.”

“Thanks! Bye.”

Arthur hung up and put on Merlin’s playlist as he went to make himself dinner.

~~~~

The next three weeks went by slowly as Arthur waited for the band to come back home. For the first time in months, he got his friends together on a Friday night to order dinner and play games. He hadn’t realised how much he had missed doing something so banal, but it was surprisingly good to spend time with Leon, and it was always good to see Gwen and Lance. It even seemed that Lance had finally kicked his feelings for Gwen. There were no longing looks, no lingering gazes, no awkward stares. He was purely platonic, his romantic interests finally fully elsewhere with Freya.

When it was time for Uther to be released from hospital, Arthur picked him up and drove him home. He looked rough, not fully recovered from the surgery or the alcohol withdrawal, but he was sober.

In the evenings and on weekends, Arthur found himself writing more than he had done in a long time. The trip to Italy had been inspiring, and Merlin was an inspiration, too. He started including genderqueer and trans characters in his stories, and it opened up a whole new world of research for him.

Mostly, though, Arthur spent his time counting the days for Merlin’s return. They still emailed a lot, texted even more, and phoned each other regularly. Whenever Merlin had a hotel room to themself, they stayed up late playing Scrabble or watching each other wank through their computer screens. Arthur couldn’t wait to have Merlin back so they could do the real thing again.

The band finally came home on a Saturday afternoon, flying in from Spain, and Merlin texted as soon as they landed.

**From: Merlin  
I might pass out on you but can I come over after I get settled?**

_**To: Merlin  
Yes please.** _

Arthur did a cursory cleaning of his flat, took a shower, and tried to write, but he couldn’t concentrate. He looked up some recipes for a nice romantic dinner, but even that couldn’t distract him enough. He was nervous and so, so excited. All he wanted was to wrap his arms around Merlin and get his face buried in their hair. He missed the way they smelled.

Luckily, Merlin seemed to be on the same page, because as soon as they were in Arthur’s flat, they flung their arms around him, drawing him in for a hug.

“Christ, I missed you,” they said.

“God, yeah.” Arthur wrapped his arms around Merlin’s back and held them tight. “So much.”

Merlin pulled back just enough so they could kiss. Arthur pushed forward, crowding Merlin back against the door, and cupped their face, holding them in place. He had missed this so much, had been craving it ever since he got back from Italy, and it was intoxicating to finally have it again.

“Need you,” Merlin murmured, pulling Arthur’s hips against their own.

“Need you, too,” Arthur said, grinding against them. “So fucking bad.”

“Get naked.”

Arthur stepped back and started stripping out of his clothes. He led the way to his bedroom, pulling off his shirt, shucking off his jeans, watching Merlin do the same.

“Wait,” Arthur said, stopping Merlin as they were about to take off their pants. He reached out, tracing the line of Merlin’s cock through the silky fabric. “What are these?”

“What do they look like?” Merlin asked.

Arthur reached around, getting his hand on Merlin’s arse. “Did you wear these special for me?” The pants were smooth under his hands, luxurious almost.

“Maybe. Come on.” Merlin pushed Arthur away and slipped the pants off, so Arthur continued on his way, still undressing.

When they reached the bed, all their clothes left forgotten on the floor, Merlin pushed Arthur down and crawled on top of him. They sat themself on Arthur’s thighs and reached down to hold both their cocks together. Arthur arched up into their grip as best he could with the extra weight on top of him as Merlin’s hand started moving.

Arthur let himself melt into the bed and the pillows, letting Merlin work him over. It was a glorious sight, Merlin straddling him, arms and tattoos on full display, gaze moving between Arthur’s face and the task at hand. Arthur could have let this go on for hours, days, years.

Merlin abandoned what they were doing, though, in favour of leaning down for a kiss. Arthur grabbed their hips and lifted his own, sliding their cocks together. Merlin rocked against him, and Arthur moaned against their lips.

“What do you want to do?” Merlin asked.

“I don’t care,” Arthur said truthfully. “As long as it involves you.”

Merlin grinned and gave Arthur a sloppy kiss before kissing down his chest and stomach. They licked up the length of Arthur’s cock, and Arthur sighed and tangled one hand in their hair. He let Merlin take him apart, loving their mouth, their tongue, their everything all over him.

“Arthur?” Merlin asked after they had pulled off to kiss around Arthur’s balls.

“Yeah.”

“Can I ride you?”

Arthur groaned at the thought. “Yeah. You can try. Can’t promise I’ll last.”

Merlin grinned and surged up for a kiss. “Condom?”

“The drawer,” Arthur said, gesturing towards his nightstand.

Merlin crawled off him and dug around in the drawer, pulling out a box of condoms and bottle of lube. Arthur sat up and took the box, taking one of the condoms out and preparing himself. Merlin flopped onto their back, reaching between their legs to lube themself up.

Arthur took the lube from Merlin and coated his fingers, pushing Merlin’s hand out of the way and pressing inside them. Merlin pulled Arthur in for a kiss, and Arthur fingered them roughly as he licked into their mouth.

“Okay,” Merlin said, closing their legs. Arthur pulled his hand away. “On your back.”

Arthur lay back down and Merlin climbed on immediately, gripping Arthur’s cock and sinking down onto it without preamble. Arthur bit back a moan watching Merlin bottom out on his cock. They were tight, and they were hot, and they felt _so_ good.

Wasting no time, Merlin lifted up and back down, riding Arthur like it was nothing. Arthur gripped Merlin’s hips, digging his fingers in and holding on. He was already close, already worked up from having Merlin’s mouth on him, and all he could do was try to control his breathing and not go over the edge too soon.

Merlin seemed truly lost in it—head thrown back, eyes closed, mouth open and panting. It was a real thing of beauty, and Arthur drank it in.

“God, I’m tired,” Merlin said, slumping a little and laughing.

“Come on, then,” Arthur said, thrusting his hips up.

Merlin moaned, stilling completely and letting Arthur fuck them. They moved one hand to their cock, and Arthur sighed at the sight of their long, tattooed arm moving as they pulled on themself.

“Merlin,” Arthur warned. “I’m going to come soon.”

“Please do,” Merlin panted.

Arthur tightened his grip on Merlin’s sides and let himself go, arching up and coming inside them. He moaned, the sounds spilling past his lips, as his cock throbbed inside Merlin until they lifted off and sat on his thighs again.

“Off,” Arthur said, still catching his breath.

Merlin shifted over, out of Arthur’s lap, and Arthur pulled off the condom and tied it up before tossing it over the side of the bed. He pushed at Merlin’s chest, and Merlin lay down, one hand still around their cock. Arthur pushed it aside and leaned down, taking their cock in his mouth.

Merlin moaned appreciatively and got a hand in Arthur’s hair. “I’m close,” they warned.

Arthur sucked on the head of their cock, and Merlin cried out as they came. Arthur rubbed his tongue against the underside of Merlin’s cock as it pulsed, drawing out their orgasm until they pulled at his hair.

Arthur sat up and swallowed, wiping off his mouth. He looked down at Merlin, who looked exhausted and spent but happy, and smiled.

“Welcome home,” he said.

Merlin laughed tiredly. “Thanks.”

Arthur leaned down for a kiss. “Do you want dinner?”

“Should probably eat, yeah.”

“Stay here and sleep,” Arthur said as he got off the bed. He picked up the condom from the floor and dropped it in the bin. “I’ll cook something up.”

“Are you sure? I could help.”

“I’m very sure.” Arthur leaned down for another kiss. “Sleep.”

“Okay,” Merlin breathed, their eyes already closed.

Arthur ran his fingers through their hair and turned out the lights as he left the room. He dressed in his previously discarded clothes went to the kitchen.

When he had a stir-fry ready, he doled out two portions, set them on his table, and went to wake Merlin. He turned the lights back on and rubbed his hand up and down Merlin’s arm.

“Merlin,” he whispered. “Dinner time.”

Merlin shifted, frowning deeply, and opened their eyes. “Hm?”

Arthur grinned and leaned down to kiss their forehead. “Dinner’s ready.”

“Oh.” They yawned and sat up, looking bleary. “Dinner sounds good.”

Arthur pulled them out of bed. Merlin dressed quickly and joined Arthur at the table.

“Dig in,” Arthur said, already getting himself a forkful.

“This looks great.” Merlin took a bite and moaned. “Just what I needed. Haven’t had home cooking in ages.”

Arthur smiled around a mouthful. They ate slowly, discussing Merlin’s tour and their parents and Arthur’s teaching, and it was all relaxing and easy.

“More?” Arthur asked once Merlin had cleared their plate.

“Oh, no. I couldn’t. I’d pass out right in the rice.”

Arthur chuckled and got up to take their dishes into the kitchen. He left them in the sink and came back out to see Merlin on his sofa, flipping through channels on the telly. Arthur joined them, and Merlin picked what to watch and then lay down, head in Arthur’s lap.

“You’ll fall asleep,” Arthur said, combing his fingers through Merlin’s hair.

“That’s okay. Just wake me when you want to go to bed.”

“We could go to bed now,” Arthur suggested.

“Nah. I’ll manage a bit longer.”

Arthur set a pillow behind his head and resumed playing with Merlin’s hair. It felt so incredibly normal, so intimate, so _right_ , and his heart was full.

He wasn’t sure how much time passed, but eventually he found himself nodding off so he turned off the telly and gave Merlin a gentle shake.

“Hm?”

“Bed time,” Arthur said.

Merlin groaned as they sat up and rubbed their eyes. “You sure?”

“Definitely. Come on.”

Merlin followed him back into the bedroom, where they stripped down to their silk pants before slotting under the covers. Arthur couldn’t help but smile at the picture of Merlin in his bed, right where they belonged.

“Come to bed,” Merlin said around a yawn.

Arthur undressed down to his pants and crawled in after Merlin, laying on his side next to them and draping an arm around their middle.

“Goodnight, Merlin,” he said.

Merlin murmured something in response, and Arthur smiled against their shoulder. They smelled lovely, like home, and Arthur fell asleep breathing them in.

~~~~

Arthur woke up alone, but Merlin’s side of the bed was still warm. He rolled over, breathing in the scent Merlin had left behind on the pillow.

He could hear noises coming from the kitchen, so he got out of bed and went to investigate. He found Merlin standing over the cooker in nothing but their silky pants. They had their mobile on the counter, and it was playing songs from the playlist Arthur had made for them.

Arthur came up behind them, wrapping his arms around their middle. “Good morning.”

“Morning. Do you like scrambled eggs? That’s all I could find that I felt comfortable making.”

“Sounds perfect.” Arthur pressed a kiss to Merlin’s neck and watched as they pushed the eggs around on the frying pan.

Merlin shifted and then shifted again, and Arthur wondered if he should back off, but then they blurted out, “You know I’m like… head over heels in love with you, right?”

Arthur grinned into Merlin’s hair, his whole being warmed. “I kind of figured from the songs you put on your playlist.”

“Might have been feeling a bit lovesick that night.”

Arthur took Merlin by the waist and turned them around. They looked nervous, and Arthur held them close. “I hope you would have guessed from the songs on my playlist, but I feel the same way.” He gave Merlin a soft kiss. “I love you, too.”

Merlin smiled, their eyes bright and crinkly, and went in for another kiss. They sort of melted into Arthur’s embrace, and Arthur held them up, letting them take what they needed.

“Shit,” Merlin muttered, pulling back. “The eggs.”

Arthur laughed and let them get back to it. He turned the kettle on and put some bread slices in the toaster, and soon enough breakfast was ready. They ate at the table, sneaking smiling glances at each other between bites.

Afterwards, Arthur stood at the sink to wash the dishes, and Merlin stood by with a dish towel, ready to dry them. They started humming as Arthur passed off the frying pan.

“What’s that?” Arthur asked after a minute.

“Hm?”

“What you’re humming. I don’t recognise it.”

Merlin put the dried mugs back in the cupboard. “Just a new song I’m working on.”

“Oh? Can I hear it?”

“Maybe when it’s finished.”

“What’s it about?” Arthur asked. Merlin glanced at him, then quickly away, and Arthur laughed. “Is it about me?”

“It’s not _not_ about you.”

Arthur rinsed off the last plate and left it on the counter to dry. “Is it a love song?” he teased, backing Merlin against the fridge.

“Maybe.”

“Is it a sexy love song?”

Merlin grinned and wrapped their arms around Arthur. “Not really.”

“So, a sappy love song?”

Merlin nodded, and Arthur ducked down to kiss their neck. Merlin tilted their head out of the way, and Arthur lavished them.

“Not letting you leave my bed for another three weeks,” Arthur said, sliding his hands into Merlin’s pants to hold onto their arse. “We’ve got to make up for lost time.”

“I can think of more interesting places than your bed.”

“Like?”

Merlin pushed at Arthur, turning him around and pressing him against the counter. They draped themself over Arthur’s back and licked up the shell of his ear.

“Like here.”

Arthur grabbed hold of the counter to hold himself up as Merlin started grinding against him and kissing up his neck. When they reached around to pull on Arthur’s nipples, Arthur turned and gave them a rough kiss.

“I love you,” Merlin said, “and I want to fuck you.”

Arthur tried not to laugh, but he couldn’t hold it back, and he doubled over. “Sorry, sorry,” he said, still laughing. “That was a very sexy line, I just...”

Merlin grinned and pulled Arthur in for a kiss. “You just what?”

“I—” Arthur stifled another laugh. “I imagined what you said as lyrics, and it struck me as very funny.”

“‘I love you and I want to fuck you’ could possibly be the worst lyrics of all time.”

“Exactly.”

Merlin shook their head, looking amused. “Come on,” they said, holding out their hand.

Arthur let Merlin lead him into his room. They fell onto the bed in a kiss, and Arthur let himself get lost in the promise of more, the promise of another day together, the promise of another song.

**Author's Note:**

> Be sure to leave alby_mangroves some love for bringing this Merlin to life: <https://archiveofourown.org/works/2655485>. (You can also read an early version of that scene there, with mentions of cocaine and Merlin having different pronouns lol)
> 
> Here are what the playlists Merlin and Arthur sent each other might be, if they were made by me:  
> \- Merlin to Arthur: <https://open.spotify.com/playlist/65rl8IyncC2ROmLnSXI74D>  
> \- Arthur to Merlin: <https://open.spotify.com/playlist/6vNEmwf3vkRdfDnroslzsf>


End file.
